Weasel1966

Some days you have and others you just don't. I don't have it today. Woke seriously sad. This would normally be a trigger for me. An excuse to dive head first into a bottle of vodka.

My partner and I have started talking more about what happened. I am explaining how this made me feel. How its always on the tip of my mind.

That could be the reason for the emotion.

No matter.... Drinking is not something I do any more. So not going to obliterate myself tonight when I get home. I can see this for what it is and adjust. Cook dinner... Watch some TV... And go to bed early. That's the plan.

I got this covered.

Elisabeth888

No WE have this covered. You have our support here.

It is probably normal for things to come up after talking to your partner. I would be emotional also. But it is good you are talking about it.

Hey did you ever check out that book "Dry" by Augustin Burrroughs? It is about a gay alcoholic. It is really good.

Weasel1966

No I have not. I will look for it on amazon. I could use a good read.

AlisonW

I second the recommendation for Dry - great book, with some humor too.

I find I can only talk about painful issues in small chunks. Like my husband and I will talk about something for 15 minutes, and then I'll say, ok that's all for today, and he doesn't push it. It helps to keep from feeling overwhelmed by all the feelings that come up.

Best wishes, Alison

Sasha4

I love the book 'Dry' - its a great read. I think he wrote two books.
I think it would make you smile if you read it W.

mecanix

I do worry that you are putting yourself through emotional turmoil which might be toxic to your sobriety Ken .
I'd want to put a lot more sober time in before dealing with such issues,

Take care, M

AlisonW

Augusten Burroughs has a bunch of books, personally I thought his earlier ones were better. The first was Running with Scissors, then Dry. Magical Thinking was good as well. Definitely worth reading!

Watcha cooking for dinner tonight Weasel? I'm making chicken tacos, lots of jalapenos..

LDT

I've read 'Dry' 3 times already. It is an amazing read for both straight AND gay people. I loved the book so much, I bought every book written by Augusten Burroughs. Highly recommend!

healin

Thats fantastic. I woke up at 5am with my DOC on my mind, I never ever wake up at this time of the morning, and so far have avoided getting some. I remember the days when I would have inevitably got some and I only started my recovery 9 days ago. Something triggered inside me with this recovery and its making me be deadly serious about getting better. I've wanted to be free for 12 years but tbh never wanted it as much as I do now. Keep it up

Fandy

Hi Ken;

you don't have to force it all out at once. just small doses of it for now so it does not mess with what you have carefully reconstructed.

check with us frequently, eat a good dinner and try not to think too much.

( iwoke up this morning craving pickles)

escapist

I can remember being hit by someone who swore to love and protect me. Split lip, a contusion on my thigh the size of a grapefruit. I could hardly walk. We are no longer together. I was drinking at the time. My feelings for that person changed forever. I felt like I was mourning a death. It never left my mind. I tried to resurrect our relationship. Every time I looked at him I could not erase my knowledge of the violence he was capable of and that I was not exempt from it. Now my relationship had limitations. Expression was not free anymore. I drank to create a false belief that we were really ok. I look back and see how desperately sad I was

Weasel1966

Mecanix... Thank you... I will focus on only being sober. I agree.

Fandy... The pickles are really good. Two more day to finish fermenting.

Escapist... I hear you. I understand but need to not change anything at this time. I need to focus on getting more sober time as Mecanix suggested.

I have definitely changed.

Weasel1966

I ordered the book from amazon. I will have it in a few days. Also got running with scissors and drinking a love story.

Fandy

I'm going to download it too....should help to round out the week.

Weasel1966

Alison ... Making BBQ pork on the grill.

I am feeling better as the day moves forward. I have so much at work to focus on the feeling of being lost are easing.

Time to treat myself right tonight! Maybe go for ice cream again. Frozen yogurt actually.

Thanks for the support today.

FreeFall

Ken, I think you're wise to deal with it in small doses and move forward as you're able. It is a challenge to deal with sadness sober, we never really dealt with it before, just numbed it with booze. We'll have to learn new skills to deal with raw emotion.

I'm reading Dry, good book so far. Drinking, A Love Story is the first thing I read years ago where I could relate to the author on so many levels. It was a beginning wake up call, but I didn't do anything about it.

AlisonW

Sounds delicious Weasel - the pork and the frozen yogurt! Glad to hear you are feeling better, sometimes work is a welcome distraction.

-Alison

soberlicious

It's not easy dealing with the hard stuff, but there is a certain quiet and gentle satisfaction and dignity that comes from knowing you can and will eventually get through things without drinking. I am so proud of you!

Yesterday I pickled a bunch of stuff...but it is the garlic that has stayed with me...literally...I blanched and peeled 12 heads and the smell is still on my hands LOL

Weasel1966

I hear you. I just discovered that there is a gay meeting on Mondays and Fridays. Two meeting on Friday that are just down the road from me. Maybe I can finally find a place to fit in and communicate openly. Not that I cannot at other meetings but I always have a hesitation to reference certain aspects. So I make generic statements, not always easy to filter filter filter.

Sober that's funny.... I have had that before... Garlic is tough to lose.

I made half sours. I tasted the brine and it is really good. They should be ready by Thursday.

Grace2

ken you're doing really well, just take it slowly, the good thing is you're talking and that's a big step in the right direction. I'm glad you're feeling better this afternoon.

I've read the Caroline Knapp love story book and I can relate to so much in it. I wouldn't mind reading Dry too, I'll see if I can download it.

And as my Granny used to say, things have a way of working out.

lots of love xx