Will I never go back to my old ways?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: South Africa
Posts: 33
Will I never go back to my old ways?
Hi, I am Miggie. My Dad was a tippler who eventually lost all grip on life. My mom had her problems with life, too. So I and all my siblings grew up with our parents' hang-ups. There are a lot of us. We had our own code-speak, we believed we were special and separate from the world. We did not all make good adults until each was over 50 years old.
Alcohol was my shield and my hiding place, my bed-time-hug and story. It also became my enemy and that of my own family.
I don't take alcohol now. Stopping alcohol is part of becoming whole and mature. Stopping made me aware of how much it affected my children and kept me from living my own life.
Now what will happen? I wonder if I will regress to old ways and behaviors. Will I find the outside world won't accept a 58 year old who has the outlook of a 26 year old. It is very hard to find an acceptable level.Just like they say that when a baby is born the whole world steps aside to make room for it, I think it must also make room for those of us who remake ourselves.
My question is does it last? Does it last or does one become complacent or lazy or socially inept. People don't like it when you don't share a drink with them.
Alcohol was my shield and my hiding place, my bed-time-hug and story. It also became my enemy and that of my own family.
I don't take alcohol now. Stopping alcohol is part of becoming whole and mature. Stopping made me aware of how much it affected my children and kept me from living my own life.
Now what will happen? I wonder if I will regress to old ways and behaviors. Will I find the outside world won't accept a 58 year old who has the outlook of a 26 year old. It is very hard to find an acceptable level.Just like they say that when a baby is born the whole world steps aside to make room for it, I think it must also make room for those of us who remake ourselves.
My question is does it last? Does it last or does one become complacent or lazy or socially inept. People don't like it when you don't share a drink with them.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello Miggie,
I'd say 'congratulations' for being what we call a 'double winner' (someone who has family members who are addicts and someone who struggled with addiction themselves), but I never think that having both burdens in life is something to celebrate.
I will say huge congratulations on your decision to stop drinking!!!!!!!
As you move forward, I think you will find your own level, so to speak. In my opinion, maturity comes with the practice of handling life's day-to-day problems as they arise without drama or fuss. And from learning to handle social situations without the need for a drink--ah, the fine art of small talk! The people who don't like it when you don't share a drink with them can just learn to deal with the new you. You may find that they don't think of it as much as you believe they are thinking of it.
You may also find that you have much in common with our ACoA's (Adult Children of Alcoholics). We have a sub-forum dedicated specifically for those of us who grew up in a home in which one or both parents drank or used drugs.
Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Good luck! Congratulations on your sober time!!!
I'd say 'congratulations' for being what we call a 'double winner' (someone who has family members who are addicts and someone who struggled with addiction themselves), but I never think that having both burdens in life is something to celebrate.
I will say huge congratulations on your decision to stop drinking!!!!!!!
As you move forward, I think you will find your own level, so to speak. In my opinion, maturity comes with the practice of handling life's day-to-day problems as they arise without drama or fuss. And from learning to handle social situations without the need for a drink--ah, the fine art of small talk! The people who don't like it when you don't share a drink with them can just learn to deal with the new you. You may find that they don't think of it as much as you believe they are thinking of it.
You may also find that you have much in common with our ACoA's (Adult Children of Alcoholics). We have a sub-forum dedicated specifically for those of us who grew up in a home in which one or both parents drank or used drugs.
Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Good luck! Congratulations on your sober time!!!
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Congrats on your soberity! It has been written that ones emotional growth stops when addiction starts. So, if you start using at 17, your emotional IQ will be that of a 17 year old, regardless if and when you stop.
Honestly, I don't think that is always the case, if it were, my mother who started drinking at lets say 21, has never stopped, and is 87, would have the emotional IQ of a 21 yo. This is not the case with her, I would say that her emotional IQ is much higher than that, maybe 35 or so. There must be other factors that come into play. Her exposure to others? Her intellectual IQ? Her having children? Her ethnic background?
I do not have any answers, I just question the scientific analysis.
Go about the business of reclaiming your life...life does not have to revolve around a drink. I can have as much fun with people drinking a glass of ice tea as I can having a glass of wine. I am a very moderate drinker, can take it or leave it. I have many friends who do not drink at all, and being with them is alot of fun!
Read around this forum, the stickeys, cynical one's blogs and others posts.
Honestly, I don't think that is always the case, if it were, my mother who started drinking at lets say 21, has never stopped, and is 87, would have the emotional IQ of a 21 yo. This is not the case with her, I would say that her emotional IQ is much higher than that, maybe 35 or so. There must be other factors that come into play. Her exposure to others? Her intellectual IQ? Her having children? Her ethnic background?
I do not have any answers, I just question the scientific analysis.
Go about the business of reclaiming your life...life does not have to revolve around a drink. I can have as much fun with people drinking a glass of ice tea as I can having a glass of wine. I am a very moderate drinker, can take it or leave it. I have many friends who do not drink at all, and being with them is alot of fun!
Read around this forum, the stickeys, cynical one's blogs and others posts.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hi there! I'm a sober alcoholic, too.
Just to throw out the suggestion, have you been to AA? The AA program is pretty much designed to help people "catch up" on their emotional maturity.
As for the social situations, I'm not sure how long you've been sober, but most of us recommend that you kind of steer clear of drinking occasions in the beginning. If you've been sober long enough that being around it isn't a temptation for you, then learning to navigate going without a drink is really just a matter of practice. I usually just order whatever I'm drinking (iced tea, diet coke, club soda with a twist, whatever), and if someone asks if I don't want some wine or something alcoholic, I just smile and say, "No thanks, I'm good, this is fine for me." I've rarely had anyone ask further questions, but if someone who knows I used to drink asks about it, I usually just say, "I don't drink anymore--decided it wasn't good for me." That's usually it. Most of the time people really don't care what we are drinking as long as they can have theirs.
Just to throw out the suggestion, have you been to AA? The AA program is pretty much designed to help people "catch up" on their emotional maturity.
As for the social situations, I'm not sure how long you've been sober, but most of us recommend that you kind of steer clear of drinking occasions in the beginning. If you've been sober long enough that being around it isn't a temptation for you, then learning to navigate going without a drink is really just a matter of practice. I usually just order whatever I'm drinking (iced tea, diet coke, club soda with a twist, whatever), and if someone asks if I don't want some wine or something alcoholic, I just smile and say, "No thanks, I'm good, this is fine for me." I've rarely had anyone ask further questions, but if someone who knows I used to drink asks about it, I usually just say, "I don't drink anymore--decided it wasn't good for me." That's usually it. Most of the time people really don't care what we are drinking as long as they can have theirs.
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