Day 3 - Success or failure?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 347
Day 3 - Success or failure?
This is an update to my post about Day 1, I thought it was better to start something new. It's day 4 now, day 3 was yesterday.
Last night just before the local shops shut I went and bought 4 cans of beer. I felt awful about it, the anxiety was just at such a horrible level because of the withdrawal and I knew drinking would shut it down. When I got home I poured a pint, drank about half and then was overwhelmed with such guilt I tipped the rest of it down the loo. I opened each can and poured them all away, waste of money but it's better than drinking them.
So not sure what this counts as. Is it a complete failure because I drank, even though it was a very small amount. Or is it a success because despite having alcohol available I poured it away? Or is it a bit of both?
It doesn't seem to have affected my withdrawal, I guess being such a small amount it's not enough to get rid of the symptoms. Anxiety is picking up again today.
I'm commited to staying strong but I think it's only right to say that this is day 1 of sobriety again. Otherwise it feels like cheating.
Last night just before the local shops shut I went and bought 4 cans of beer. I felt awful about it, the anxiety was just at such a horrible level because of the withdrawal and I knew drinking would shut it down. When I got home I poured a pint, drank about half and then was overwhelmed with such guilt I tipped the rest of it down the loo. I opened each can and poured them all away, waste of money but it's better than drinking them.
So not sure what this counts as. Is it a complete failure because I drank, even though it was a very small amount. Or is it a success because despite having alcohol available I poured it away? Or is it a bit of both?
It doesn't seem to have affected my withdrawal, I guess being such a small amount it's not enough to get rid of the symptoms. Anxiety is picking up again today.
I'm commited to staying strong but I think it's only right to say that this is day 1 of sobriety again. Otherwise it feels like cheating.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
With time the anxiety will go in my experience .
Think you did the right thing by putting the drink down the toilet , the decision we make right now is the important one , when it came to the "crunch " you did the right thing in tipping it away and choosing to contiue with sobriety .
might be worth while talking to a doctor about the anxiety as they can give non addictive drugs which might help ,
Bestwishes, M
Think you did the right thing by putting the drink down the toilet , the decision we make right now is the important one , when it came to the "crunch " you did the right thing in tipping it away and choosing to contiue with sobriety .
might be worth while talking to a doctor about the anxiety as they can give non addictive drugs which might help ,
Bestwishes, M
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 347
Originally Posted by mecanix 
might be worth while talking to a doctor about the anxiety as they can give non addictive drugs which might help ,
Bestwishes, M
Bestwishes, M
From what I have read the usual non addictive medications are SSRI's or tricyclic antidepressants. These take a long while to kick in and the anxiety will resolve by itself once the acute withdrawal is over so it seems a bit pointless. I have been sober for 2 months before and the anxiety was nearly gone after that long so I know it wil go. Staying strong again today, still having a bad craving but I keep reminding myself it will pass.
You know it's strange. I think without this forum I wouldn't have poured those cans away, but I knew I would have to come on here and admit to it so it helped to stop me. I never realised how useful an internet forum could be!
As always thank you to everyone who puts up with my nonsense
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,899
So not sure what this counts as. Is it a complete failure because I drank, even though it was a very small amount. Or is it a success because despite having alcohol available I poured it away? Or is it a bit of both?
So who exactly is keeping score on this stuff?
I haven't been logging my sober days with anyone, does that mean they don't count because I've missed some sort of deadline?
Seriously, it's up to you. I myself, don't count days. I try to live my live in 24 hour segments. If I don't drink during a 24 hour period that's great. However, the next day I start over. Yesterday is gone, it's today that counts.
So who exactly is keeping score on this stuff?
I haven't been logging my sober days with anyone, does that mean they don't count because I've missed some sort of deadline?
Seriously, it's up to you. I myself, don't count days. I try to live my live in 24 hour segments. If I don't drink during a 24 hour period that's great. However, the next day I start over. Yesterday is gone, it's today that counts.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
Davey, I know it gets that bad, but I'm proud of you that you were able to throw the rest of it out. Just start fresh today, forget about the guilt, LET IT GO, that will not help you stay sober. Focus on the fact that today is a new day, and do some good things for yourself, maybe a good movie and a good meal to go with? A nice treat, what is your favorite dessert? Go to a meeting, listen, share...??
Be good to yourself, you need to, you're going through a shaky time, but it will get better, a few more days and you'll be feeling much better. Stay focused on you.
Be good to yourself, you need to, you're going through a shaky time, but it will get better, a few more days and you'll be feeling much better. Stay focused on you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Davey, all I do is go to bed sober every night, that is a victory for me. I do not count days, weeks, sometimes i tally but generally it makes me anxious.
you made what could have been a guilt ridden disaster into a strength....and when someone (maybe one of those 292 guests that are at the top of the page) reads it, it just might help them too.
you made what could have been a guilt ridden disaster into a strength....and when someone (maybe one of those 292 guests that are at the top of the page) reads it, it just might help them too.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 8,642
I don't count days any longer because for me, that is counterproductive. I think my first year I did, though..... But not obsessively so. However, that does work for many and keeps them grounded. It's different for everyone.
Davey, I tend to try to look at the positive side of things..... And in that vein I believe you were successful in overcoming that demon. You were not " a complete failure". If you learned from it, and will work to change that behavior should it come up again, then you are a success in my book .
Davey, I tend to try to look at the positive side of things..... And in that vein I believe you were successful in overcoming that demon. You were not " a complete failure". If you learned from it, and will work to change that behavior should it come up again, then you are a success in my book .
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
I' m learning that it isn't the number of days sober that I have but that I remain sober at the end of my day. I had a dream last night about having a sip of wine and what that would do to my "sobriety". What I take from the dream is that I just wanted to be "normal" and be able to drink like everyone else. But I cannot. And neither can you. And that is why we come to SR!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: London
Posts: 1,010
Hi Davey. Everyone has given great words of wisdom but I wanted to add something on the anxiety. Deep breathing and 'alternate nostril breathing' (google it) really helps to bring my anxiety down.
I was on SSRIs for anxiety and the side effect was greater anxiety so I tapered (under my Dr eye) and sought alternatives. Don't underestimate deep breathing, as our breathing gets shallower the more anxious we are.
Good luck with your journey, sounds like you mean business now you've poured out the beers.
S x
I was on SSRIs for anxiety and the side effect was greater anxiety so I tapered (under my Dr eye) and sought alternatives. Don't underestimate deep breathing, as our breathing gets shallower the more anxious we are.
Good luck with your journey, sounds like you mean business now you've poured out the beers.
S x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 347
I think when it comes to counting days it depends on the person and maybe even their length of sobriety. I think after a year I wouldn't bother anymore, early on it's like a little achievement to keep me going. It also builds up a sense of something that has been done which you don't want to ruin. I know after a month last time the reason I didn't drink for the second month was that I didn't want to ruin my success. Then new year came along and I got weak.
I have been meditating for over 10 years now o I have lots of techniques to deal with the anxiety, but when it gets severe there isn't much to be done other than hold on tight and wait for it to pass.
Still sober today, 9pm but I'm not going near the shops. Anxiety is feeling a bit better tonight so I will hopefully sleep better, that's if the night sweats don't wake me again
The general aches and pains are starting to come on, I forgot about these from the last time. Not a big issue, couple of paracetemol should settle those down I'm sure.
Thank you for the kind words, some good points, especially about trying not to kick myself too hard. You're all right, tomorrow is another day, no point lingering over a lapse and feeling awful about it.
I have been meditating for over 10 years now o I have lots of techniques to deal with the anxiety, but when it gets severe there isn't much to be done other than hold on tight and wait for it to pass.
Still sober today, 9pm but I'm not going near the shops. Anxiety is feeling a bit better tonight so I will hopefully sleep better, that's if the night sweats don't wake me again
The general aches and pains are starting to come on, I forgot about these from the last time. Not a big issue, couple of paracetemol should settle those down I'm sure.
Thank you for the kind words, some good points, especially about trying not to kick myself too hard. You're all right, tomorrow is another day, no point lingering over a lapse and feeling awful about it.
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Originally Posted by DaveyT
Is it a complete failure because I drank, even though it was a very small amount. Or is it a success because despite having alcohol available I poured it away? Or is it a bit of both?
This journey isn't easy for any of us. Pick yourself up and keep going. You can do this!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,319
I'm glad you poured most of it away Davey - but I think you need to find another way to deal with anxiety.
Not trying to be nasty...but toughing it out seems to lead you back to beer.
If you've decided seeing a Dr isn't for you, what's your plan?
D
Not trying to be nasty...but toughing it out seems to lead you back to beer.
If you've decided seeing a Dr isn't for you, what's your plan?
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Sydney, NSW
Posts: 104
Well done Mate on the pouring down the toilet of the remaining beer.
Counting days seems to become this all consuming obsession by some. The be all and end all. I know peop,e in recovery that say "I'm 180 days. It was a bit of a disappointment to hit this much anticipated milestone so I am now hanging out for 9 months which is more significant". They seem to miss the point which to me is to experience the moment, stay sober, clear, productive and go at it today. Sobriety is a living experience, a gradual fulfilment of the promises and a gradual rebalance and re-emergence of who you are.
I love going to AA but I avoid specific meetings where the day counters lurk judging others on how many days or years they have up. I know someone who said to me at a meeting "oh I'm not talking to him...he's got no time up". I was staggered. So many day counters are like little kids comparing the baseball cards they're collecting.
You choose to view the experience anyway that works for you. It's your journey and a part of any journey such as ours is wandering off the path, stopping and refocusing and moving (sometimes edging) forwards.
I was sober yesterday, am today and plan on being so tomorrow. An important contributor to me being sober today is I built up enough negative experiences and enough perspective to know that this is the option that really works for me.
Only you can choose what a lousy half a can of beer meant for you. To me you poured it down the toilet, didn't fly off on a massive binge, didnt destroy everthing, didnt mangle your remaining relationships. You reflected and you learnt and you move on and are sober today. That's how I personally would view it.
Counting days seems to become this all consuming obsession by some. The be all and end all. I know peop,e in recovery that say "I'm 180 days. It was a bit of a disappointment to hit this much anticipated milestone so I am now hanging out for 9 months which is more significant". They seem to miss the point which to me is to experience the moment, stay sober, clear, productive and go at it today. Sobriety is a living experience, a gradual fulfilment of the promises and a gradual rebalance and re-emergence of who you are.
I love going to AA but I avoid specific meetings where the day counters lurk judging others on how many days or years they have up. I know someone who said to me at a meeting "oh I'm not talking to him...he's got no time up". I was staggered. So many day counters are like little kids comparing the baseball cards they're collecting.
You choose to view the experience anyway that works for you. It's your journey and a part of any journey such as ours is wandering off the path, stopping and refocusing and moving (sometimes edging) forwards.
I was sober yesterday, am today and plan on being so tomorrow. An important contributor to me being sober today is I built up enough negative experiences and enough perspective to know that this is the option that really works for me.
Only you can choose what a lousy half a can of beer meant for you. To me you poured it down the toilet, didn't fly off on a massive binge, didnt destroy everthing, didnt mangle your remaining relationships. You reflected and you learnt and you move on and are sober today. That's how I personally would view it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 347
Originally Posted by Dee74
I'm glad you poured most of it away Davey - but I think you need to find another way to deal with anxiety.
Not trying to be nasty...but toughing it out seems to lead you back to beer.
If you've decided seeing a Dr isn't for you, what's your plan?
D
Not trying to be nasty...but toughing it out seems to lead you back to beer.
If you've decided seeing a Dr isn't for you, what's your plan?
D
Once I'm past this horrible stage I can use the usual techniques (breathing, meditation etc) and control the anxiety very well. It will go completely with a decent period of abstinence. The thing that caused me to drink again after 2 months was new year and the self deluding belief I could just have one drink to celebrate. That won't be happening again!
Hopefully I can prove it to you as i'll be on the forum with continued progress
Today would be day 5 if I hadn't had that half pint of beer, but I am being strict so it's day 1 again. But in the end the half pint won't reset the withdrawal, so I just have to tough it out a few more days. Then the hard work of dealing with the on/off cravings will take place. I've done it before, I will do it again.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: SoCal, California
Posts: 990
The thing that caused me to drink again after 2 months was new year and the self deluding belief I could just have one drink to celebrate.
But remember - you told yourself you could have just one drink - and you bought four. May be something to remember.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,031
Originally Posted by DaveyT
The bad anxiety only lasts during acute withdrawal, usually around 12 days for me. After this it becomes much easier to handle and after 2 months last time it had all but disappeared. It's a symptom of the drinking rather than a problem I am self medicating. The only thing the doctor can do is prescribe short term tranquilizers and in the UK most doctors do not like doing that because they are highly addicive. And to be frank I don't want anyone knowing about this or having it on record.
Once I'm past this horrible stage I can use the usual techniques (breathing, meditation etc) and control the anxiety very well. It will go completely with a decent period of abstinence. The thing that caused me to drink again after 2 months was new year and the self deluding belief I could just have one drink to celebrate. That won't be happening again!
Hopefully I can prove it to you as i'll be on the forum with continued progress Today would be day 5 if I hadn't had that half pint of beer, but I am being strict so it's day 1 again. But in the end the half pint won't reset the withdrawal, so I just have to tough it out a few more days. Then the hard work of dealing with the on/off cravings will take place.
I've done it before, I will do it again.
Once I'm past this horrible stage I can use the usual techniques (breathing, meditation etc) and control the anxiety very well. It will go completely with a decent period of abstinence. The thing that caused me to drink again after 2 months was new year and the self deluding belief I could just have one drink to celebrate. That won't be happening again!
Hopefully I can prove it to you as i'll be on the forum with continued progress
Today would be day 5 if I hadn't had that half pint of beer, but I am being strict so it's day 1 again. But in the end the half pint won't reset the withdrawal, so I just have to tough it out a few more days. Then the hard work of dealing with the on/off cravings will take place. I've done it before, I will do it again.
My daughter had an amazing coach for all star soccer this year. They ended up losing in the finals and taking second place. This coach took s group of ten girls and taught them soccer, but more importantly he taught them teamwork, and life lessons that will remain with them long after the season. For this team it wasn't about the outcome, but the journey, and the journey was amazing.
Think this is a really good way for looking at life, and trying to remember to remain in the present.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
