27cougar

Hi All, I have been a lurker here for awhile and I admire everyone who is brave enough to address this issue in their lives.
I just don't know what to do anymore and thought maybe I could get some perspective? I have always been a "social" drinker but could take or leave alcohol. For the past year or so, I drink beer every night. Not a lot of beer, usually 2-4 per night, but I get anxious if I think about not having any and even if I plan on not stopping to buy beer, my car seems to veer into the little store parking lot lol. I do not want nor do I drink any other kind of alcohol, I love craft beers especially IPA and that is all I drink. If I had a choice between light beer or rum and coke and water, I would take the water.
I have a lot of conflict in my life, dealing with teenage daughters and a husband who has mental health and addiction issues. I have four kids total as well as 1.5 jobs, a dog and a big house to maintain. I think I have been "justifying" my own drinking because I am stressed out and it is my "treat"
But recently I am feeling like I am loosing control. I am also gaining weight due to the extra 400-800 calories I drink each night, and I am not liking that but when I tell myself "oh, just don't drink tonight" I always do it anyway.
Is it just habit? Addiction? How do I know? I have heard "if you think there is a problem....there is a problem". So then what?
Thanks for any response. I feels so alone with this.

Coldfusion

Welcome, Cougar!

You are not alone.

I started thinking I had a problem at a young age, and should have quit then.

There's lots to learn here at SoberRecovery. I see by your other post here that you understand how important it is to help others. Thanks!

DeltaBravo

I was same way last month with the IPA...that stuff is expensive and full of calories...I used to crave it all the time. I actually hit the cutter on IPA last sunday. I drank a 12 pack + close to a fifth of johnny walker black label in 2 days....I was past out on my garage floor with my eyes open...I'm a rookie..going on 6 days sober. I know what you mean about the treat thing...I wash the dishes...Oh let me get some beer...ya know? I don't know if you ever gone through that...it truly is a mind f*c!.

I know this place is great...I haven't found a meeting area yet, but the support you can get here till you get the additional help is really good. Take advantage! I've thought about drinking twice today...and I go through the checklist on why I think I can...but lately (since comming here) that checklist has become void. I hope all goes well with you. Stay strong and do your best.

Coldfusion

I started considering I might have a problem at 16, when my mother mentioned that she was worried because I HAD to have a drink EVERY day after work. Then, I got married, had a good life , and started running in ultra-marathons. I worried that drinking was interfering with my running. So, I drank more and ran less. After a few more years, I had no money, no job, and my marriage was falling apart. I worried it was because of alcohol, so I went to detox in Bellingham and have had no alcohol with the help of AA for 88 days and 12 hours now.

27cougar

Thanks you guys, I still don't know if I am quite ready but I know I am getting there...I am tired of thinking about it! And yet I love it! Why can't I just be one of those people who is goes to the beer tastings or tries a new one occasionally rather than have to have the old fave every night!
Yes, wash the dishes, deal with the squabbles, fold some laundry, it's all reason for a "treat" LOL!

27cougar

Coldfusion, I see that. I often wonder lately how much of the drama in my life would improve if I wasn't drinking? My husband and I were estranged for almost a year. He moved back in last April and since then my stress level has gone up so so much. He is a regular drinker and has been in treatment twice for marijuana, he is "sober" as far as the kids know but I know he drinks daily still, just not in the open and so that "secret" is hard for me. If I quit, would he quit? and does it matter? so many thoughts and questions right now...

DeltaBravo

Yea I can relate. I have very addictive personalities...I mean personality..lol. I love music, food, working out, drinking....and regardless if it is negative...I gots to have lots of it flowing through me. That is how I knew I had a problem...with alcohol that is.

Dee74

Welcome 27cougar

I really believe only you can decide if it's a problem or not...but if you think it might be, and you find you can't stop...then I think there'd definitely be something to look at...

You'll find a lot of support here

D

27cougar

I would like it better if I could swap the beer habit for the work out habit but I am more like Coldfusion - oh I wonder if my drinking is affecting my cardio, well I guess I'll drink first and worry about cardio later LOL! You can't climb on the eliptical after a beer or two! That is where this 20lb over the last year has come from. See, many reasons to stop but my heart isn't in it? or is it a voice in my brain telling me I need it? Idk

27cougar

Thank you Dee, I am going to keep checking in and getting my courage up to take the plunge...

bigsombrero

Good for you. I too was in your position not long ago. I lurked for a while, but I knew deep down that even searching online for perspective meant there was something wrong. I would say that you should trust your instincts here. If you think you are on to something, you're probably right. As for "what to do next", that's a huge question. Nobody has perfect answers, just suggestions based on their own experiences. It varies, a lot. There is no agreed-upon solution for this stuff.

I went through my problem alone and it did not work out well for me. So based on my experience I would say that maybe you should start connecting with this community or some other kind of support system. It's tough to even begin to think you're an alcoholic, but where there's smoke there's fire. Sorry you are going through this. Good luck.

Coldfusion

Cougar, my wife and I quit together. Well, she didn't go to detox, she stayed in a hotel. She had already done rehab at Chelan in 2006, but didn't follow up with AA. In early recovery, we believe we cannot be around alcohol at all.

artsoul

Welcome 27cougar!

I think we can all relate to the car steering itself into the parking lot. You're definitely not alone, and you're wise to be asking these questions now as it usually only gets worse over time.

I think when we end up drinking in spite of intentions not to, and can't imagine a life without alcohol, it's time to take notice, for sure. I'm glad you're here - we really do understand....:ghug3

member72

Before I gave it up for good, I spent a 2 week peroid "drying out" just to see if I felt any better or more "clear" and if things in my life would start to improve. Viola! Life got a lot easier and much more manageable, w/o booze. I choose to drink again after my 2 week dry peroid and things soon started to spirial downward. That was enough for me. Luckly, I gave up alcohol, and I'm not looking back no matter what, ever. Once the cycle starts it never gets better. only worse.

27cougar

Wow I feel so blessed and supported already, thank you all for chiming in, I will keep checking in, I am getting close, I am really hard on myself and a perfectionist so I am really afraid of failing.

hamabi

Nice you're looking at this now, when weight is the only thing getting your attention as it can be other things that have more impact to our lives than personal appearance issues.

It's likely you'll try to stop doing what you don't want to do soon. If you then soon find yourself doing what you decided not to do then you gain a little more insight each time you do that. The sharp ones don't need to repeat that for years.

So try to lose the alcohol and see how you do. If you can then you've solved your problem. If you can't then your problem is serious. Not having a serious problem is desireable and should provide all the incentive you need to try your very best.

As you go along you may want to pay attention to how you feel if you don't drink for weeks or a few months. If life seems harder and you feel a huge sacrifice has been made and your life was easier drinking then that's a sign your problem is more serious.

Fandy

Welcome 27cougar.
I think if you keep considering the alcohol a "treat/reward", it is going to escalate to more of an issue. Where do you see this going?
The weight gain is just a small thing, but it can also begin to affect more of your lifestyle and health, booze has that sneaky domino effect.
Feel free to post and read here, treat yourself to something good after taking care of others, anything fun.

DIYman

Yes I can relate. I love real ale (I think that's the same thing as craft ale in the U.S) but its never just one or two.

So, over the last year or so I've been pushing the work night drinking to later and later. This became a reward in itself in that I realised I was rewarding mysef with not drinking by then having a drink. When I began to worry about that, I found a few drinks stopped me worrying about it. So nice and numbing, but at the same time, what a trap.