Pamel

I am having a very bad time staying sober (a day here and there) then I sabotage myself again.

I have started with a therapist again, and go to AA regularly....but it has been ... well ...not the solution.

...so I am just looking for support here and I am desperate.

vegibean

Pamel, what is it that you think keeps pulling you back? Weasel did a great post about knowing one's self, one of my favorite sayings in recovery is "to thine own self be true".

I always imagined myself talking to one of my best gf's and pretended it was her asking me the questions that I had, I found that I could get honest that way because what would I truly tell her if she asked me?

Another trick is people think of their children asking them the same questions, you'd never tell your kids it's "okay to go ahead and get blasted drunk", or "go ahead, smoke that crack Babe!" You know what I mean.

I really had to dig deep when I first got sober because I really struggled too. We're all here for you Pamel. I feel for you, since coming back I've picked up once again after two weeks. Keep your head up, keep moving forward, no rear view mirrors, okay? :ghug3

LexieCat

Just a question, since you say you've been going to AA regularly. Do you have a sponsor? Have you started working the Steps? Just going to meetings isn't enough for many people, and it isn't until they start working the PROGRAM that they get real results.

The "solution" that AA talks about isn't the meetings, it's the Steps.

Pamel

Thanks Vegi and Lexie,

I really need to hear from people...

Vegi, I know you are having your own problems and every one goes straight to my heart.

Lexie, I am going to call my sponsor now.

vegibean

Hey Pamal, so glad to see you post, I was wondering about you earlier, but I was still the last one that posted to you.

You know what? We are ALL going through something, so I am no different than you, we are all here to support each other, that's what is so great about SR. I'm doing great tonight, I've been sober since Tuesday, I gotta just keep moving forward. Hope you do too Hon. :ghug3

Hope tomorrow brings you a refreshed and better feeling than today. New day, new beginning sometimes what works best for me.

Dee74

I think having your own thread can really help Pamel
You can do this

D

Hevyn

Hi Pamel. I'm glad you posted about this. I like the idea of your own thread, too. We all care about you and want to help.

I'm proud of you for not giving up, even though you're frustrated and disappointed with the way it's going. Please keep posting.

pooky

Welcome back Pamel..we are here for you even when we are not posting,a lot of us are still reading and praying for you.
pooky

member72

If AA is not "working" for you maybe check the non secular section. Something there may strike a note with the way you think. More importantly something you can work and belive in. We are pulling for you pamel. keep reading and posting.

Coldfusion

Hello, Pamel Dude

Just one suggestion, maybe you haven't thought of this--

My wife and I go to weekly NA meetings, and we prefer it to the AA meetings. I like the way the program is worded, and the people are more fun.

Hevyn

How's it going today, Pamel?

vegibean

Yes, how are you doing? Hope feeling a bit better. Glad Hevyn bumped your post again.

bemyself

Hey Pamel - I'm prayin' for you as well as for me, because I too am in the re-start mode again. I look at my wall calendar, with the red-marked days (i.e. when I've picked up and drank again) starting to get dangerously closer together. So then, I draw a big blue highlighter line down the lhs of Today, signifying 'I'm starting again, being a non-drinker'. It drives me nuts, and you'd think I'd know better wouldn't you: at 57 y.o., a month's excellent rehab Jan 2012, first six months completely sober! Then....picking up roughly once a month...then once a week...once every few days...every two days....every day up to yesterday.
It truly is insanity, is it not???? And we do it to our good selves.
I'm here with you and vegibean, all supporting each other, chookie (Aussie term of endearment

Pamel

Not doing well... it's not that I drink a lot, but when I get shaky I give in each day. I have been trying to taper. How long do the shaky parts last? I haven't been having those awful cold and hot sweats...maybe that's progress?

member72

Hey welcome back pamel. The shakes suck but are temporary. It took me about 48 hrs from my last drink for my hands to stop (minor) trembling. however everyone is different. Age, duration, level of dependance all play a factor. I know withdraw is really hard, but once its over you will never have to go through this hell ever again.

Dee74

have you considered seeing a Dr Pamel?

D

LadyinBC

I am so sorry you are struggling. This isn't easy for anyone! Keep trying and please don't give up. You are so worth it!!

Pamel

A very tough day today; bf had surgery and I had to be the adult caregiver (what I really wanted to do was turn myself in to the detox ward). But I was able to be there for him and despite my own miserable condition, got through the day, enough to write here without the shaking etc.

Will see what tomorrow brings-perhaps this taper business can work. I was so afraid, given the way I was this morning that I could not do this for him, and yet there comes a time when you HAVE to be there for others. I would like that to become my life. I was an only child in a bad alcoholic situation and yet my story is that of so many others. Never learned to do anything but hide within myself and "look" ok.

Terrible choices in men in my life: #1 was OK but it was the stupid early 70s and it was a marriage of convenience. Mostly supported him. Husband #2 was "sober" (and helped me be that way for 13+ years) ... the downside is that he is one of those men who trolls AA for his female companionship. Result: I mostly supported him while he was cheating on me for 12 years...

Blah blah.

Anyway, although I drank today, it was not to excess, and I seem to be getting a sober brain back.

Thanks for your support dear friends here!

Pamel

Withdrawal symptoms much better today. Going to try to make it through the day; CANNOT be worse than yesterday...

MIRecovery

I have found there is no magic bullet. For me it is doing a lot of little things daily. I pray, I have will power, I reach out when I am in trouble, I am honest with those around me, I work with other alcoholics, I work the steps, I go to AA meetings, I have sober friends, I avoid alcohol situations, I stay active.

If I do most of these on a daily basis I do not drink. It is not easy but you can do it.