I'm back after 4 years, sorry but I need you
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: south lake tahoe,ca
Posts: 17
I'm back after 4 years, sorry but I need you
I was around this place for a few years when I was dealing with my alcholic wife, you helped me, gave me hope, then I started to walk away. I will tell you my wife has been sober for almost 5 years now, I have and continue to go to Al-Anon meetings, been sober for 25 years myself. I have 2 grown kids that are doing great and one that will be 18 in March and that is why I'm back here. The last child, my sweet little girl has a major drug problem and we did an intervention this week. She does not want treatment so we asked her to leave our home, took her car, she has no income, so she is now with her boyfriend who is also an addict. My wife is just now starting to go to Al-Anon and I pray she can stay strong, I pray I can too. We know this was what has to be done and my sponsor tells me that you have given her to god now. I know there are parents out there that have gone through this, the pain in my gut is real and I know I have to just move forward one day at a time. We have told our kid the only option with us is treatment and if she wants to call the people who did the intervention they will help. I'm sorry when life got good that I left you all you helped me in so many ways and I did not give back to you as I do my 12 step programs. I pray often that I'm strong and that god will leed my girl to treatment and a good life. Thank You Jeff
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
(((((((Jeff))))))))
I am so sorry, you must be heartbroken.
I know there are many mom's and dad's here that are stuggling and in the same place you are, I'm sure many will reach out soon.
Please, I urge you and your wife to take very good care of your sobriety, and congrats to you both, you are both showing your daughter how to deal with life sober, every day.
Being here is giving back, every post has something to teach someone , or comforts someone in some way.
We are here, you and yours are in my thoughts and prayers.
Katie xo
I am so sorry, you must be heartbroken.
I know there are many mom's and dad's here that are stuggling and in the same place you are, I'm sure many will reach out soon.
Please, I urge you and your wife to take very good care of your sobriety, and congrats to you both, you are both showing your daughter how to deal with life sober, every day.
Being here is giving back, every post has something to teach someone , or comforts someone in some way.
We are here, you and yours are in my thoughts and prayers.
Katie xo
Life Health Prosperity
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Louisana
Posts: 6,752
Hopeintahoe, this thread just breaks my heart. She is an addict and now has no home, life just got worst for her. My hope is that you will keep up with her because living with and addict is only going to get worst still. No telling what she will do to use and somebody will need to rescue her from that. Prayin for ya. 
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
I'm sorry Jeff.
Being the mom of an addict, I know how bad this can hurt. Please know that you did what is perhaps the most loving thing a parent can do, even though it doesn't feel that way at the moment.
You gave her a choice and she made a decision. You also gave her the chance to change her mind. She is lucky to have you. Moving forward everythng is up to her.
Congrats on yours and your wife's sobriety. That in itself should give you hope that your daughter can recover if she so chooses.
Being the mom of an addict, I know how bad this can hurt. Please know that you did what is perhaps the most loving thing a parent can do, even though it doesn't feel that way at the moment.
You gave her a choice and she made a decision. You also gave her the chance to change her mind. She is lucky to have you. Moving forward everythng is up to her.
Congrats on yours and your wife's sobriety. That in itself should give you hope that your daughter can recover if she so chooses.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 493
Originally Posted by hopeintahoe 
I was around this place for a few years when I was dealing with my alcholic wife, you helped me, gave me hope, then I started to walk away. I will tell you my wife has been sober for almost 5 years now, I have and continue to go to Al-Anon meetings, been sober for 25 years myself. I have 2 grown kids that are doing great and one that will be 18 in March and that is why I'm back here. The last child, my sweet little girl has a major drug problem and we did an intervention this week. She does not want treatment so we asked her to leave our home, took her car, she has no income, so she is now with her boyfriend who is also an addict. My wife is just now starting to go to Al-Anon and I pray she can stay strong, I pray I can too. We know this was what has to be done and my sponsor tells me that you have given her to god now. I know there are parents out there that have gone through this, the pain in my gut is real and I know I have to just move forward one day at a time. We have told our kid the only option with us is treatment and if she wants to call the people who did the intervention they will help. I'm sorry when life got good that I left you all you helped me in so many ways and I did not give back to you as I do my 12 step programs. I pray often that I'm strong and that god will leed my girl to treatment and a good life. Thank You Jeff
God bless you Jeff and your family
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 577
ouch, I feel some of your pain. I can't claim to know how all of it feels....
God bless & give you strength & the faith that the only way she will be able to overcome her addiction is if she runs out of options, and you have just made the hard choice of taking away some of them. You made the right, difficult choice.
God bless & give you strength & the faith that the only way she will be able to overcome her addiction is if she runs out of options, and you have just made the hard choice of taking away some of them. You made the right, difficult choice.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Dear Jeff, I too am a Mother of a 22 year old son. He has been addicted to Heroin since he just turned 20. We finally had to call the cops when his lies, stealing and breaking into our home got out of control. I pray that your daughter learns very quickly how life is not that easy out of her comfort zone. My son is finally telling me that when he gets out of jail he really is done. He went through a long bottom to get to where he is now, including getting stabbed in the wrist, living homeless for 5 months and losing everything and everyone who he cared about. As a former drug user (in my youth), I also know. When you are DONE you are DONE. She won't be DONE until she has to face hardships and the discomfort of using is greater than the discomfort of quitting. Keep an open line of communication and love to your daughter. I am sending prayers out that your precious child is safe in HP sight.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Welcome home Jeff from a mom & step mom to 2 addicts - one in recovery (at the moment) and one not in recovery (at the moment)
Today I know that either one of them can change that status at any given time ~
It's my responsibility to be the best recovery mom and person I can be ~ that's my gift to them
prayers of comfort for you & all your family
pink hugs
Today I know that either one of them can change that status at any given time ~
It's my responsibility to be the best recovery mom and person I can be ~ that's my gift to them
prayers of comfort for you & all your family
pink hugs
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 577
I'm so sorry for what has brought you here Jeff. I'm also the mother of a 22 year old addict (son). I have also had to draw some very difficult boundraries with my son and can understand the dilemna of knowing what you have to do but wanting to do whatever you can to help them as well. I'm new on this site but can tell you there is GREAT support to be found here. I will keep your family in my prayers and will ask for strength for all of you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: SouthEast
Posts: 159
Another parent here. I went through this with my EXAH and I thought I was passed having to deal with and addict.
My son started using at a very early age and I have had him in all of the programs I could afford.
My AS was court ordered to rehab twice. He and his friends stole everything I had including my car, jewerly, forging checks. I would report it each time.
He had been doing much better and relasped 2 years ago. Same addict dance with all of the theatrics and drama - this time his gf is in on it too.
He has threatened suicide and stealing if I don't send him money. I reported that to the police too. When they checked on him he said he was not suicidal.
He has cut off contact with me and it is really for the best until he decides to get serious about treatment.
Sadly, my AS will soon be 35. It is a very hard life for a parent of an addict. Take care of yourself, look at all the positive things in your life, and learn to detach and turn this all over to your HP.
It is truly their life and nothing you can do if they do not want the same.
(((huggs)))
My son started using at a very early age and I have had him in all of the programs I could afford.
My AS was court ordered to rehab twice. He and his friends stole everything I had including my car, jewerly, forging checks. I would report it each time.
He had been doing much better and relasped 2 years ago. Same addict dance with all of the theatrics and drama - this time his gf is in on it too.
He has threatened suicide and stealing if I don't send him money. I reported that to the police too. When they checked on him he said he was not suicidal.
He has cut off contact with me and it is really for the best until he decides to get serious about treatment.
Sadly, my AS will soon be 35. It is a very hard life for a parent of an addict. Take care of yourself, look at all the positive things in your life, and learn to detach and turn this all over to your HP.
It is truly their life and nothing you can do if they do not want the same.
(((huggs)))
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 793
I am so sorry for the pain this is causing you. I am the mother of a newly (6+ mos) recovering 19 yr old heroin addicted daughter. You did the right thing, and I so understand the pain you are in. Parents who do not understand addiction cannot understand how putting your own child out is sometimes the best thing for everyone, including the addict. The pain is indescribable, but it does lessen and can even be replaced with feelings of happiness. I have had a few really normal interactions with my daughter lately. Your AD will come back to you.
Lastly, I don't see why you'd need to apologize about not being on SR when you've been active in your home recovery community--there's lots of wisdom to pass around everywhere. Welcome back. Keep us posted.
Lastly, I don't see why you'd need to apologize about not being on SR when you've been active in your home recovery community--there's lots of wisdom to pass around everywhere. Welcome back. Keep us posted.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
Jeff,
I'm so sorry for your situation and your pain. This is a cruel disease and it is so heartbreaking when it affects our sons and daughters.
I have a son who has issues with marijuana....his dad and I are not on the same page on how to deal with it. I will pray that you and your wife will continue to stand strong and together.
My ex husband (not the father of my children) has had a major problem with addiction. I can't tell you how many times I heard him say that if his parents had done what you and your wife are doing that he would have stopped using long ago. He continued to use as they continued to enable.
What you are doing is so difficult but it is the only way that she will be able to reach her bottom and hopefully reach for recovery. She's been exposed to it through your work so I will hope an dpray that she will find her way.
Glad that you reached out!
I'm so sorry for your situation and your pain. This is a cruel disease and it is so heartbreaking when it affects our sons and daughters.
I have a son who has issues with marijuana....his dad and I are not on the same page on how to deal with it. I will pray that you and your wife will continue to stand strong and together.
My ex husband (not the father of my children) has had a major problem with addiction. I can't tell you how many times I heard him say that if his parents had done what you and your wife are doing that he would have stopped using long ago. He continued to use as they continued to enable.
What you are doing is so difficult but it is the only way that she will be able to reach her bottom and hopefully reach for recovery. She's been exposed to it through your work so I will hope an dpray that she will find her way.
Glad that you reached out!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Welcome back Jeff.....although I hesitate to say that because of the reason that you have returned.
You have just presented your daughter with an option and she has made a choice. It's not the choice you wanted to hear but it planted a seed. And that's a good thing. She knows her family loves her. She knows her family is willing to help her when she's ready.
gentle hugs
ke
You have just presented your daughter with an option and she has made a choice. It's not the choice you wanted to hear but it planted a seed. And that's a good thing. She knows her family loves her. She knows her family is willing to help her when she's ready.
gentle hugs
ke
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: The Middle Distance
Posts: 197
Welcome Jeff. I am also the mom of an addict. When I doubt my decision to "Let Go and Let God" I read this post from Courage to Change and it has really helped me. I changed the word from alcoholic to addict for my benefit, otherwise it is the same.
"The image of an avalanche helps me to give the addict in my life the dignity to make her own decisions. It is as though her actions are forming a mountain of drug related troubles. A mound of snow cannot indefinitely grow taller without tumbling down; neither can the addict's mountain of problems."
"Al-Anon has helped me to refrain from throwing myself in front of the addict to protect her, or from working feverishly to add to the mountain in order to speed its downward slide. I am powerless over her using drugs and her pain. The most helpful course of action is for me to stay out of the way!"
"If the avalanche hits the addict, it must be the result of her own actions. I'll do my best to allow God to care for her, even when painful consequences of her choices hit full force. That way I won't get in the way of her chance to want a better life." Courage to Change - December 8
You and your wife are both proof that these 12 steps/principles work but I am sure you are still in a lot of pain. I will pray for your daughter knowing she is in the hands of a Higher Power Who is defined by the very word, Love...
"The image of an avalanche helps me to give the addict in my life the dignity to make her own decisions. It is as though her actions are forming a mountain of drug related troubles. A mound of snow cannot indefinitely grow taller without tumbling down; neither can the addict's mountain of problems."
"Al-Anon has helped me to refrain from throwing myself in front of the addict to protect her, or from working feverishly to add to the mountain in order to speed its downward slide. I am powerless over her using drugs and her pain. The most helpful course of action is for me to stay out of the way!"
"If the avalanche hits the addict, it must be the result of her own actions. I'll do my best to allow God to care for her, even when painful consequences of her choices hit full force. That way I won't get in the way of her chance to want a better life." Courage to Change - December 8
You and your wife are both proof that these 12 steps/principles work but I am sure you are still in a lot of pain. I will pray for your daughter knowing she is in the hands of a Higher Power Who is defined by the very word, Love...
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