What should I do??

Old 01-25-2013, 03:26 AM
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What should I do??

So I apologize for the long story here, but I really don't know what to think or do here and I'll make it as short as possible.

My sister who is now 22, looking back, has been on a long decline. When she was 19 her boyfriend got sentenced to 7 years in prison for assault with a deadly weapon (bar fight) At this point she got really depressed, and this is where I really think the problem began.

Fast forward to now, In Nov./Dec. of 2012, she was housesitting for my dad while him and his girlfriend (parents are divorced, not a bad divorce or anything like that). While she was house sitting, she opened a Credit Card offer my dad got in the mail, and activated it via their home phone.

During these 2 months she racked up an almost $10,000 cash advance debt that my dad just found out about last week. She came clean to my mom and said she had a serious painkiller addiction yesterday.

My dad wants to call the police and press charges, but my mom doesn't. She wants to confront her at an intervention type thing this weekend and give her the option of jail or rehab. My dad is demanding my mom pay back the 10,000 if she gives my sister the rehab option. My mom can't afford to pay 10 grand, she's planning to pull it from her retirement account.

What should my advice to my mother be, I don't think she should be paying for my sisters mistakes. I'm in favor of my dad calling the police, but my mom and other sister get all mad when I say that and think my dad is being the biggest ******* on the planet. They told me not to come to this little intervention type deal if I'm just going to side with my dad, should I bother going or just let what happens happen and not make this my problem.

edit: Forgot to mention my sister also has an alcohol problem, had her first DUI 2 weeks after turning 21.
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Old 01-25-2013, 03:57 AM
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Seems like she needs to go to rehab! Not sure calling the police on ones own daughter is the best option! Intervention and rehab sounds like the right avenue!
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Old 01-25-2013, 04:05 AM
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What has your sister got to say about the whole thing?
Has she admitted what she did?
Made any effort to fix it?
$10,000 is a serious amount of money to steal from anyone.
That could bankrupt some people.
Your dad has got to feel so very betrayed.
Talk to a rehab and see what they would recommend.

I had to laugh at you being told stay away from the intervention.
That's me!
I think things are a bit heated at the moment for an intervention.
Does your sister have a job?
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Old 01-25-2013, 04:56 AM
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she doesn't work, she lived on her own for 6 months when she was working, got herself into debt with payday loans etc and had to move back in with my mom.

She hasnt made any sort of effort to pay anything back, yeah 10 grand is a lot of money shes looking at probly 5 years + if my dad actually calls the cops.

My problem with rehab is I've heard the success rate is like 10% if they actually stay with it. Its not like an official intervention with a specialist or anything, just close family getting together and thier plan is to tell her she can go to rehab, or the police are going to be called.
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Old 01-25-2013, 05:09 AM
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First off it isn’t your problem. Please feel free to opt out of the madness if you want to and don’t feel guilty because you don’t have to and shouldn’t be all in.

Ultimatums usually backfire.

Anyone think to let your sister put something on the table to find a way out of the hell she put herself in. This is what should have been done from the get go.

It is situations like these that will usually remove all rational and common sense from the room real quick.

If your father knew or suspected she was using, he isn’t totally innocent. Because really who lets an addict house sit?

And if I was your mom I would never ever take 10 grand out my retirement to bail anyone out. But if she does down the line that will be something she will have to live with the consequences of.

All you dad had to do was report the fraud and refuse to pay. He could prove he wasn’t there, he was away. He could prove he didn’t make the call to activate the card because he wasn’t home. Surely he has proof he was traveling therefore how could he be at fault. The credit card company screwed up, how do you let a woman activate a mans card, really now. From what I know of credit card offers, they record them and they ask personal questions, it isn’t like a card is active, it is an offer, then send card after the fact. Unless he got a card sent and all she did was activate by pushing buttons on the home phone. But either way he bears no liability to pay anything.

He could say my daughter was house sitting and left the credit card company to do their job and investigate. It is so simple. No bad or good guys saving or jailing.
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Old 01-25-2013, 05:31 AM
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If your father had called in the fraud at the very beginning, no problem.
He showed knowledge of her issues by not doing so. He suspected her, so he knew what she was capable of.
I am just wondering why he thinks your mother should pay him back.
They are both her parents.
He got taken, tough. Deal with it.
Is that kind of harsh?
Sorry.
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Old 01-25-2013, 05:53 AM
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Your parents are divorced, it was his card, it is his option to call the police and press charges. If that is what he wants to do, he should do it. He should have already notified the credit card company about the fraud.

Your mother owes him nothing, this is his problem to deal with.

Me? I'd stay out of the entire mess. Your sister is an adult, she will seek recovery when and if she is ready. IMO recovery cannot be forced.
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Old 01-25-2013, 07:51 PM
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thanks for all the helpful advice guys, I think I will forego making an apperance tomorrow and just sit back, not my problem whatsoever.

To clarify the credit card situation. My dad immediately called my mom after getting the bill assuming it was my sister that stole from him because she was the only one other than my dad and his GF that had been at the house during that time.

My dad wants to call the police, and the bank and claim fraud, which as soon as the bank does an investigation they will figure out its my sister, and the police will be forced to arrest her.

My mom is basically pleading for my dad not to call the police because she wants my sister to go to rehab and not prison for possibly a decade, so my dad told her if thats what she wants, shes (my mom) is going to pay him back the 10 grand if he doesn't report it to the bank.
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Old 01-26-2013, 04:47 PM
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This might sound harsh but if your sister stole $10G, she stole $10G. Actions have consequences, and consequences can be a blessing if they help a person see that doing XYZ to get through life "doesn't work." Sparing her consequences is teaching her that she can get away with stuff like this, especially if she plays the victim.

Your mom had nothing to do with it and has no obligation to pay your dad, so it's up to your dad whether he wants to cover that charge or have the credit card company investigate and let the law decide the consequences.
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