TheTrinity

I'm starting to feel like its only a matter of time before I go back to drinking and using. There's a huge past I've had with drugs but lately it's just alcohol that's been the issue. I thought controlling it to just just alcohol was good but my life was just as unmanageable as ever.
I was really confident in finally getting completely sober, I didn't go to rehab or even meetings right away. It took me about 3 weeks and now I'm going pretty regularly to meetings and I really wanting to be into it. But i don't know, tonight I was at a women's meeting and I liked it but felt the same out of place feeling I've always had that using had always made me forget. I'm just feeling really confused in what I'm even doing but I'm terrified of relapsing and I think that's the only thing stoping me at this point...

Jeni26

Hang in there. Sobriety brings with it lots of unresolved issues and our emotions can be all over the place in the beginning.
All I can say with any certainty is that drinking will make it oh so much worse. Play that tape to the end. Imagine how you will feel if you have a drink and/ or take that drug.
These forums are full of people who have relapsed. No-one has ever said it helped.
Keep walking forward even if it feels impossible right now.
You are doing great. Make enquiries about getting a sponsor.
You can do this. Reach out. We are here xxx

Bubovski

I got to 53 days and quite out of the blue went off to the local......crazy

39 is good, surely you can beat an old fart like me........

sugarbear1

We're either moving forward or backwards today.......

Find a sponsor and work those steps quickly for some relief!

Coldfusion

Just try putting those feelings out of your head. I guess we can learn to deal with fears and insecurities, but I am told this addiction will always be with us. When you get those feelings, think about a bad experience you had while drinking or using. Remember that all it takes is one slip and we will be right back there. My sponsor has been very helpful to me in the area of preventing relapse (he has a lot of experience...)

Congratulations on 39 days!

TheTrinity

Thank you guys. I know I need to work the steps. I just really have a hard time following through with things....I think that kinda goes hand in hand with addiction.

Bubovski

Do sponsors ever slip?

courage2

I'm at 40 days and may I just say I absolutely second everything you say. I go to a meeting every day, have a sponsor, talk to her almost every day. But even though I'm sticking with it (for today), and can see some progress, I have a feeling under it all of hopelessness. Like I belong in a bottle, not in the world or even in the rooms.

I'm staying sober for today, and (I hope) tomorrow. I hope you do, too! We both know it's the better way to be.

Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone.

courage2

Oh, yeah -- that part too -- I'm working on the first step, but already part of me is planning to ditch before the second. My first instinct when things are challenging is to drink, and my second instinct is to ditch.

sugarbear1

Murchovski, some people do slip and relapse.

My sponsor happens to have about 26 years of continuous sobriety, for today.

A sponsor is just another drunk who is sober today....hopefully they have had a spiritual awakening as a result of working the 12 steps, remain active in working with others, practice what they talk about, and have a well-rounded life.

TheTrinity, those steps saved my life, took away my hopelessness and anxieties. Those 12 steps helped me immensely and they may just help you, if you want it badly enough.

Dee74

welcome TheTrinity

If you're like me, you drank for *years* - it will probably take a little while for you to feel comfortable and confident in recovery.

Just keep doing what you have been doing for the last 39 days - use the support you have...as long as you keep reaching out and doing everything you need to to stay sober, you'll be fine

D

Hevyn

Hi TheTrinity. Our new way of living does take some getting used to. Even though it's a wonderful thing to be sober - it's strange to us at first. It took me longer than 39 days to begin to feel excited about the new me. Give yourself chance to heal - you will get there.

Bubovski

Thanks.
Personally I would never divulge all, to a sponsor or priest;,perhaps a very close personal friend: the sponsor could fill this role too, of course.
While I find this so called step personally invasive, this is simply my view.

Delilah1

First, congratulations on 39 days, that is a good amount of sober time. I am sorry things seem unmanageable right now, life can definitely be tough some days.

Have you tried talking to a counselor? It might help to have someone to talk to about how you are feeling.