castingmyfate

I am a new member here. I'm a 23 year old male who suffered from anorexia and bulimia since the age of 14. The only thing that seems to cure my eating disorder is alcohol. Since I've been drinking I can care less about my weight, food, and exercise. When I wake up I like to have a some beers after my coffee because if I don't I'll have shakes all until I start drinking the hard stuff around 4:00pm. I have noticed lately that I'm trying to control and maintain all three things and its starting to bother me. I know if I quit drinking I'll only go back to anorexia and bulimia.. but I know at the same time I have to quit. What I want is to really rid myself of alcohol and eds.. I'm feeling positive about tomorrow even though I'm going to try and quit drinking. One day at a time, hope this will work for me.

coraltint

some type of program or therapy might help you to identify why you have a need to do these self-destructive things. for me the AA program helps me to get down to the root causes because, like you, I would just keep replacing one drug or bad habit with another.

keep coming back here, it helps....good luck!!

castingmyfate

thanks, i appreciate your post! i've tried many programs and facilities but none seem to stay with me. I think I know the reasons why i do this to myself.. it just seems to be I can't stop no matter what. I attend EDA and AA as much as possible, I also see a psychiatrist on a monthly basis. I haven't really made a connection with anything. I'm hopeful this will help some. Take Care!

MrsKing

Your story really hit home for me because I had a crystal clear memory of something I did when I was 20. It happened a few times, but I remembered this one time so clearly - it was mid-morning and I wanted to eat, but I was so petrified of putting on weight that I never ate until I really could stand it no more, so instead of eating I put vodka in my coffee. I knew that if I got a little tipsy, I wouldn't want to eat anyway. I loved how alcohol did that to me. I really do feel for you, but honestly - you really need to resolve this issue as soon as you can. It'll only get worse. I'm 25 now but I quit when I was 24, and in those 4 years my drinking got seriously out of hand and I was so depressed... alcohol is not curing your eating disorder, you know that. Please consider seeing an addiction counsellor, I think it will really help.

Midlifecrisis

Hi. I don't have much advice for you except to keep coming on here and chatting. It helps.

I find it comforting (although awful) to know that I'm not alone. I was anorexic at 17/18 then became bulimic. I discovered that amphetamines took my eating disorders away and every time I tried to quit drugs the eating disorder would come back mega strong. I quit drugs at 21 to have a baby and the bulimia stayed with me until I was 34 (about to turn 35 now.). I relapsed on drugs and alcohol last year so again got a little rest from the Ed. It's always been one or the other.

Hugs to you, I know how you feel.. Keep talking.

Midlifecrisis

I was doing the breakfast drinking last year too except frangelico or cowboys in my coffee, not vodka.

renaldo

So, when you are not drinking, do you sweat it out in the hunger dept. so as not to put on weight and when you drink the hunger goes away? Or do you throw concern about your weight out the window when you drink and go ahead and eat? Those are 2 different scenarios.

Speaking for myself, if I space out beers throughout the day, I can go days without any desire to eat at all. When it gets to be alarming how long I've gone without imbibing sustenance of the solid variety, I'll cook a balanced meal, but halfway through it I just am not into it and put the rest back in the fridge.

What should be one of 3 solid meals in one day makes 2 solitary meals for 2 days. It cuts down on the dishes cleaning time too. I end up using a lot of dishes to prepare balanced meals and it's kind of nice to get 2 meals out of one round of dish washing.

Chopping the ingredients, cooking, eating, and cleaning the dishes takes me an hour and a half or more.

I enjoy it, but it's not uncommon for me to pass the time nursing a beer while doing it, then the appetite is not what it could be.

Well, food, sleep and sex seem to be things that everyone's doing a balancing act with.

12skiptomylue

I really understand this. I had an eating disorder for years and years (maybe ...it's hard to know when to stop counting). When I was really struggling, I would often get drunk, so it would be easier to eat. Later, I just started replacing beer for meals. When I got sober, I did go full into the ed. But by that time, I had a sponsor and was going to AA, and actively trying to change my life. I'm not saying things are great now, but I'm getting there. Have you been in therapy for the ed? And I'm sure you know that there is a very high incidence of having both an ed and alcoholism. It's very common. I understand the fear of tackling it all at once, but getting sober is not just about not drinking. It's about changing your manner of living so that you no longer find it necessary to take a drink or use any other thing to manage your life. But, I get it. I really do!

friday13

Do you see a psychiatrist or therapist? Speaking to someone who is knowledgeable about these issues and able to help you deal with your problems is really important. You could also try AA and OA where I'm sure you will meet loads of people with similar experiences and who can support you.

You say that you shake in the morning. This is a sign of withdrawals. Alcohol withdrawal can be very dangerous. Please speak to a doctor before you stop. They can prescribe medication to help you stop safely if they feel it is appropriate.

The way I see it (and I could well be wrong) is that alcoholism and eating disorders (and in my case self harm as well) are all ways of coping with problems. I needed to find better coping strategies and address issues from my past in order to be able to maintain sobriety and have a healthy relationship with food. You need to work on the underlying issues to become free from the control of these illnesses rather than just abstain from the behaviour. Sure I successfully gained weight but my head was 100% anorexic still. That's not living.

Good luck! Keep posting and letting us know how you're getting on.

snowvelvet

Hi Casting - I am the same and when I even get the tiniest period of sobriety (I'm talking three days here, that's the most I can do), I immediately try to control my eating again.

I'm all or nothing. Always have been - I was Bulimic before I was alcoholic. Now I am just confused. In that brief period of sobriety I want to fix and sort eveything. I know that is stupid, I know I cannot fix my weight in 3 days but the fact I cannot drives me to drink again.

vegibean

Hi casting, welcome to SR. You are not the first to go through that, it's what addicts do, they replace one with another.

Have you ever been to treatment? I work for a treatment center and we take clients like you who are dealing with both of those issues. We have a self esteem coach/therapist who comes in and works with our clients a nutritionist that helps too and of course therapists working one on one with clients along with group therapy. It's such a good program.

I feel like you're really dealing with a dangerous animal here, I am glad you are reaching out to us here, but I do hope that you'll seek some outside help, we want to see you get better. :ghug3