My sister
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 2
My sister
My sister is a CPA and an avid golfer. She occasionally drinks too much and has had some minor substance abuse issues in the past. No big deal.
She sufferred an injury to her shoulder while golfing a while back and had to have surgery to repair a torn rotator cuff. Her doctor prescribed oxycodone to help with the pain.
During the first week post surgery she would take her meds and drink. We exchanged text messages and hers would become incoherent. "I'm in town until Friday would you like to get dinner Thurs eve?". "Sure what time?" "How about 6", "ok see you then"... "when are you leaving", "Friday morning", "How can we go out to eat if you're leaving Friday" and then down hill from there.
My mom went to visit her and found her on the floor in her house. Mom called Dad and they confronted her and tried to get her to go to a residential recovery type of a program. She kicked them out and told them never to return.
I visited her last week. She seemed clear and lucid, but she complained that she had used up her prescription. She complained that they would not refill it over the phone. She said her friend also was on the same meds. She asked her friend to give her some, but was refused (i think). She talked about taking more time off from work because she was still in so much pain, but she didn't appear to be in pain.
No idea what to do. I am afraid she is going to lose her job or maybe already has. I don't want to confront her since that didn't work for the rest of the family. This is starting to feel like the end of the line for her.
She sufferred an injury to her shoulder while golfing a while back and had to have surgery to repair a torn rotator cuff. Her doctor prescribed oxycodone to help with the pain.
During the first week post surgery she would take her meds and drink. We exchanged text messages and hers would become incoherent. "I'm in town until Friday would you like to get dinner Thurs eve?". "Sure what time?" "How about 6", "ok see you then"... "when are you leaving", "Friday morning", "How can we go out to eat if you're leaving Friday" and then down hill from there.
My mom went to visit her and found her on the floor in her house. Mom called Dad and they confronted her and tried to get her to go to a residential recovery type of a program. She kicked them out and told them never to return.
I visited her last week. She seemed clear and lucid, but she complained that she had used up her prescription. She complained that they would not refill it over the phone. She said her friend also was on the same meds. She asked her friend to give her some, but was refused (i think). She talked about taking more time off from work because she was still in so much pain, but she didn't appear to be in pain.
No idea what to do. I am afraid she is going to lose her job or maybe already has. I don't want to confront her since that didn't work for the rest of the family. This is starting to feel like the end of the line for her.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
I am sorry your having this experience with your sister.
You said: She occasionally drinks too much and has had some minor substance abuse issues in the past. No big deal.
If your sister is having issues again from the surgery and the pain meds. seems it was a bigger deal then your admitting to yourself.
Many people get addicted to pain meds. written for them.
The bottom line though is there is NOTHING you or your parents can do to make her stop using/drinking not enabling her is the best thing you and your family can do if there is any enabling occurring.
You didn't cause it, You can't control it, You can't cure it.
Stick around and read the stickies at the top and other post for more insight.
You said: She occasionally drinks too much and has had some minor substance abuse issues in the past. No big deal.
If your sister is having issues again from the surgery and the pain meds. seems it was a bigger deal then your admitting to yourself.
Many people get addicted to pain meds. written for them.
The bottom line though is there is NOTHING you or your parents can do to make her stop using/drinking not enabling her is the best thing you and your family can do if there is any enabling occurring.
You didn't cause it, You can't control it, You can't cure it.
Stick around and read the stickies at the top and other post for more insight.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 110
She has to hit her rock bottom, accept that she needs to change and get help. There's no role for you in that. It's all up to her. There are just two things you can do really:
1. Don't do anything for her that an adult should do for herself. So no money, no food, no place to stay, no lying for her. If you catch her doing something illegal, call the police. She may get help quicker if her life becomes a living hell. Let her get there.
2. Protect yourself. If it hurts you to read incoherent texts from her, delete them. If she calls you high, hang up. Don't talk to her if it harms your well-being. Keep an eye on your stuff when she's around.
It is so horrible. My sister has been a drug addict about 14 years now. My family did everything wrong in the beginning (paying her rent, not reporting her to the police when she stole, etc.). I have no contact with her at all.
You can just protect yourself and hope that her rock bottom is pretty high, and that she gets help soon. Maybe find a nar-anon meeting for you and your parents to go to.
1. Don't do anything for her that an adult should do for herself. So no money, no food, no place to stay, no lying for her. If you catch her doing something illegal, call the police. She may get help quicker if her life becomes a living hell. Let her get there.
2. Protect yourself. If it hurts you to read incoherent texts from her, delete them. If she calls you high, hang up. Don't talk to her if it harms your well-being. Keep an eye on your stuff when she's around.
It is so horrible. My sister has been a drug addict about 14 years now. My family did everything wrong in the beginning (paying her rent, not reporting her to the police when she stole, etc.). I have no contact with her at all.
You can just protect yourself and hope that her rock bottom is pretty high, and that she gets help soon. Maybe find a nar-anon meeting for you and your parents to go to.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 2
Thanks for the replies. I am looking at the stickies and trying to get up to speed. As I look back it has been an ongoing problem. Still it is very different now and very much worse. I guess the difference between functional and non functional.
She has managed for so long. She recently turned 50. We are spread out as a family up and down the east coast. Not an emotional person, but it is so hard to see her go this way. Actually teared up at work today.
Maybe I'm making too much of it. I will let her find her own way. I really don't have much choice there anyway. Just so hurtful
She has managed for so long. She recently turned 50. We are spread out as a family up and down the east coast. Not an emotional person, but it is so hard to see her go this way. Actually teared up at work today.
Maybe I'm making too much of it. I will let her find her own way. I really don't have much choice there anyway. Just so hurtful
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
I'm sorry. I'd be so sad if my brother was exhibiting the behavior your sister is exhibiting.
But...
If she doesn't want to change, nothing you can do or say will make her want to change. You can only express your concerns (one time) and then set boundaries about how much you want to expose yourself to her condition.
When I was addicted to coke my brother had a huge influence on me.
He told me:
I love you. I know you are strong. I have faith in you that you will be able to get through this.
That was it. He said it once. I didn't quit using for along time after that but I never forgot that he thought I was strong enough to get through it... when I was ready.
But...
If she doesn't want to change, nothing you can do or say will make her want to change. You can only express your concerns (one time) and then set boundaries about how much you want to expose yourself to her condition.
When I was addicted to coke my brother had a huge influence on me.
He told me:
I love you. I know you are strong. I have faith in you that you will be able to get through this.
That was it. He said it once. I didn't quit using for along time after that but I never forgot that he thought I was strong enough to get through it... when I was ready.
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