CoF1984

I have a small problem I'm not sure how to handle or deal with and any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I have this thing where I like to take the weight of the world on my shoulders and help everyone else out with their problems and try to always be there for them, but have no clue how to work on my problems so that I can be of better help to others. I have trust issues and don't really know how to open up to others and let them know what's going on with me. I just put on my fake smile and act like I'm okay and everything is fine, Has anyone else been here before and have tips and tricks that have helped them overcome this? Any ideas, suggestions and opinions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you all so much in advance.

Wes

healin

I was the same, could always help and apply knowledge to others but never to myself. What worked for me was believing with conviction what I was preaching, knowing (in my mind) that I had already done it. Read my signature. Best wishes to you

Garen

I have always been good at giving good advice and have been told that I am good at putting myself in other peoples shoes. But my life is terrible and very unhealthy right now.

I don't think there is an easy answer after thinking about it for a minute. You probably do know how to fix your life, you just don't like the answer. That is what I've thought to myself many times. Giving advice to others is easy! You don't have to carry out the advice given, they do.

I have a pretty clear idea about how to fix my life and I really do NOT want to do it, but I am going to have to. Does this apply to you? Something to think about...

CoF1984

I think you could be very well right Garen. It's worth giving a try.

Anna

I was the same - always worrying and caring for everyone around me and neglecting myself. I thought it was the right thing to do but it contributed to my downfall. The thing is you can't just give and not refill yourself. It doesn't work. You are important and you need to take care of yourself. And, a hard thing for me was learning to say 'No'.

renaldo

Speaking for myself, I have abandonment issues, so I'm selective who I talk to about my problems with. Some people I know won't have the patience for it, so I don't even bother. Other friends are willing to listen to a certain amount if it dovetails with issues they are dealing with/have dealt with, so I spread it out among them - a little bit here, a little bit there.

I have the good fortune to have one true friend who I can tell anything to, and he knows he can tell anything to me. I don't know how one goes about finding a friend like that. I just thank my lucky stars every day that I found him.

The way our relationship works is that he had alkie parents and an unstable childhood. I'm the sort of person who doesn't like to keep secrets. The more I open up to him, the more he is reassured that there's no hidden agenda and he knows exactly where he stands. It works perfectly.

We've been friends for almost 30 years and only on one occasion did I get annoyed with him.

TrixMixer

Wow, I could have written that myself, CoF! You bet I have been there before and actually still am. My problem was I never wanted to OWE anyone anything--I was there for them, I guess so they owed me. I wasn't sharing any of my STUFF with anyone---that is why I became an alcoholic and why I was not going to AA.

Alcohol was the very "private" world where I could feel sorry for myself. You know the" I am always there for everyone when they are hurting, but no one is there for me when I'm hurting" BOO HOO poor me, thingy.

Of course it was a world of my own making, because I too have trust issues--still do, and will probably to the day I die. I have just learned to live with the fact "I don't want to beholdend to anyone"--so I will keep giving. Rather they owe me than me owe them....no way still not asking for anyone's help, I can do for myself.

Thank God I got rid of my friendship with alcohol, now I just know what I am like and live with it. The one thing I have learned is I'm OK and have accepted this. All alcohol did was cloud the issues now I see who I am clearly, with No Boo Hoo's because it is MY choice.