Paddler

I was most likely the only one.

That's what hit me on a long, refreshing, non-hungover run today. I was reflecting about the "saying no in social situations" thread. I was thinking about all the times I felt like everyone was getting three sheets to the wind and having a blast... how we were all in it together... justifying my foolish behavior.. and wondered...

How many of those thousands of times were people drinking normally and I was the only idiot? The only one who didn't remember the long philosophical conversation the next morning. Was I the only one talking out of their head? Was I the only one justifying funneling cheap beers at the tailgate party... chasing them with cheaper whiskey? Falling down on the way to the stands only to drink more smuggled cheap whiskey...

Was I the only one who couldn't remember the game? Surly not.

How many nights did I think my wife was as intoxicated as I was...when in reality she didn't want to be close to my stinking breath but out of love fought through it and accepted me? What a great husband I had been...

I wasn't the only parent drinking THAT MUCH at their child's birthday party... was I? Lots of people miss their child blowing out their candles because they are off... wait, I can't remember what I was off doing. Maybe that isn't normal behavior...

I'm beginning to realize in moments of clarity just how foggy my perceptions were when I was lost in the drink. I am thankful to God for giving me these moments as I hope to use them to learn more about myself, my mistakes, and where to go from here... I have regrets. Lots of them. I can't get back memories lost in a whirlwind of sipping and hangovers.

But I sure as hell can make sure I remember everything that happens the rest of the day. And tomorrow... and day after day. I hope to mix my tears of regret with tears of thankfulness I am not and won't be forever lost to this progressive, debilitating demon.

Fallow

Cant argue with the truth.

LindaLou

Thank you! I couldn't have said it better! I just wish I could remember......

soberlicious

Beautiful...

AlisonW

"But I sure as hell can make sure I remember everything that happens the rest of the day. And tomorrow... and day after day. I hope to mix my tears of regret with tears of thankfulness I am not and won't be forever lost to this progressive, debilitating demon."

This is how I feel, looking forward to never again having to try to piece together the night before while battling a killer hangover.

I'm sure I've been that person many many times, the one who is totally focused on the alcohol, when is the next round coming, are we running low... While everyone else couldn't care less. Glad those days are over for both of us!

-Alison

LindseyMarie

Very well said. I am also the parent that was too bombed at my childrens b-day parties to remember ANYTHING. The shame that comes with that is enough to bring tears to my eyes and makes my stomach hurt more than any bender i've been on.

Paddler

Yes Lindsey. We always had fun parties for both the kids and the parents... which I've learned, now, were a mistake. My son turns 5 this March and my daughter 3 this April.

I have never looked more forward to birthday parties than now...

I turn 33 Feb. 6th... and I can't wait to do something very fun...sober on that day with my family.

Remember the past... change now... for the future.

melberholtz

Wow. That is something else. I am slated to go out of town tomorrow on business and used to get absolutely SMASHED every free second I had. When it was time to conduct meetings I was an absolute mess. I had lunch with a friend today and was telling him my plans for my time out of town (which includes going for some great trail runs, eating great meals, and a massage). His response was that it sounded like I was going on vacation. I explained that I want to use the time away from the stresses of the office and home to come back a stronger, more keen, parent, husband, etc. I also explained that you could call my previous business trips where I would spend $500+ on alcohol a "vacation" too.

At any rate, thanks for sharing your post. I agree with your perspective. Keep hitting those long runs.

LindseyMarie

Paddler, we are leading similar lives! I have a 6 & 3 year old and I'm 34

Windancer

Great post. Great reminder to stay sober.

I can TOTALLY relate. If someone had videotaped me "having fun", I would have been disgusted and wouldnt have wanted to hang out with myself.

ivegotsunshine

Thanks for the post paddler! I was just cleaning out my pantry when this little thirsty devil landed on my shoulder and started whispering "malbec...... maaaaaaallllbec!" And then I had some cherry flavored soda water and read this. Thank you for the very true and sobering reminder of why I do not drink.

Paddler

It's always been a dream of mine to do a half marathon. I've always come up short in training for one reason or another... one hangover or another.

I can navigate some serious whitewater and am competent on the slopes... but running doesn't come easy for me. But man oh man do I love what long (slow) runs do for my mind.

Now if I could only figure out how to keep my nipples from chafing and hurting during this S. East cold snap.

This is my year to do that half!!!! I told my wife even if there isn't a sanctioned event when I feel ready I'm going to gps a route and have her and the kids set up aide stations... maybe get some friends to run legs with me. Hell, maybe even make t-shirts.

paul99

Very nicely expressed ...thanks