Guess I'm the newbie
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3
Guess I'm the newbie
So, like the title says, I'm new to this forum and really that makes me new to the forum thing at all. I have never been a member of any forum but I figured this was as good a time as any to join one, right? So, I guess I'll just tell my story and then let the attacks fly or whatever happens.....that's what happens in real life so.....we'll see..
I'm not sure how much info I can or can't or should or shouldn't divulge on here but I am almost 28 years old and I've been taking oxcycodone (well Roxicet I guess) for about 4 years on an almost daily basis. I say almost because the first year or so it wasn't so daily where as for the last year at least it's been daily for sure. I have also been regularly using meth for the last 2 years. Wow, that's weird to just put out there like that. Very weird. Okay, anyways, i don't feel too much like stopping the meth will be a problem it's the pills that i crave and want as soon as I wake up ya know? I can't afford rehab, I don't have state assisted insurance because in my loser douchebag of a life these last couple years I have lost my 4 year old daughter to my ex husband and owe back child support and so I don't think they give state assistance to people who owe. I don't know what to do really to get me to stop all this I just know I want to. I don't feel right about like groups or whatever because I just think that if ya get us all in a room together it's like I'm just meeting 20 more people with a hookup ya know?
I know that my briefing here makes me sound like a piece of crap parent drug addict but I assure you that in addition to being a piece of crap drug addict parent I have, of course, a great "reason" and a much more detailed chain of events that helped me in becoming addicted. I say that with sarcasm because ultimately there is no reason in my opinion, I guess, just excuses and the actual reason that I even let any of the crap that has happened to me defeat me like this is because I'm weak and lame.
Well then, with that said I am hoping maybe someone knows something about Phoenix and somewhere I can maybe get one on one counseling for little or no cost? Or a way out of this? Thanks for readin I guess and really don't be afraid of offending me, I'd much rather have the truth no matter what it is than sugar coated nonsense.
I'm not sure how much info I can or can't or should or shouldn't divulge on here but I am almost 28 years old and I've been taking oxcycodone (well Roxicet I guess) for about 4 years on an almost daily basis. I say almost because the first year or so it wasn't so daily where as for the last year at least it's been daily for sure. I have also been regularly using meth for the last 2 years. Wow, that's weird to just put out there like that. Very weird. Okay, anyways, i don't feel too much like stopping the meth will be a problem it's the pills that i crave and want as soon as I wake up ya know? I can't afford rehab, I don't have state assisted insurance because in my loser douchebag of a life these last couple years I have lost my 4 year old daughter to my ex husband and owe back child support and so I don't think they give state assistance to people who owe. I don't know what to do really to get me to stop all this I just know I want to. I don't feel right about like groups or whatever because I just think that if ya get us all in a room together it's like I'm just meeting 20 more people with a hookup ya know?
I know that my briefing here makes me sound like a piece of crap parent drug addict but I assure you that in addition to being a piece of crap drug addict parent I have, of course, a great "reason" and a much more detailed chain of events that helped me in becoming addicted. I say that with sarcasm because ultimately there is no reason in my opinion, I guess, just excuses and the actual reason that I even let any of the crap that has happened to me defeat me like this is because I'm weak and lame.
Well then, with that said I am hoping maybe someone knows something about Phoenix and somewhere I can maybe get one on one counseling for little or no cost? Or a way out of this? Thanks for readin I guess and really don't be afraid of offending me, I'd much rather have the truth no matter what it is than sugar coated nonsense.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3
Oh, and in addition.....
I forgot to mention that I chose the username or whatever because along with the life ruining habits I partake in, I also smoke cigarettes, will take almost any pill ya give me and have a shopping addiction that isn't much of an addiction because I'm broke. I come from a couple long lines of addicts really and I think I have at least come to terms with the fact that I am an addict and always will be. I just need to choose my addictions a bit better.
Thanks
Thanks
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,447
I'm glad you know that you need help and you are looking for support.
Check out the Salvation Army in your city. They always offer free rehab for people who need it.
The Salvation Army: Adult Rehabilitation
Check out the Salvation Army in your city. They always offer free rehab for people who need it.
The Salvation Army: Adult Rehabilitation
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 609
Welcome
Have you actually checked the state office to see if they will help versus assuming they don't because you owe back support? I only ask as I've seen a lot of people, myself included, not doing something solely because of something they heard.
Also - just as one could say you're associating with NA people that can "hook up", you made it here to SR which is filled with people that have the same problems as you.
Sometimes the best comes out in people when you least expect it.
Locally, you can find a NA or even a AA member to speak with to quell fears of the group setting. They can be really great at directing you to meetings that fit you moreso than another.
Do you have any support from family or friends that could help you with making calls? Just one person in your corner can make a world of difference. It doesn't have to be someone close to you. It can be a local pastor, counselor, someone in hometown ER. I'm sure more people will be along to give more options.
Have you actually checked the state office to see if they will help versus assuming they don't because you owe back support? I only ask as I've seen a lot of people, myself included, not doing something solely because of something they heard.
Also - just as one could say you're associating with NA people that can "hook up", you made it here to SR which is filled with people that have the same problems as you.
Sometimes the best comes out in people when you least expect it.
Locally, you can find a NA or even a AA member to speak with to quell fears of the group setting. They can be really great at directing you to meetings that fit you moreso than another.
Do you have any support from family or friends that could help you with making calls? Just one person in your corner can make a world of difference. It doesn't have to be someone close to you. It can be a local pastor, counselor, someone in hometown ER. I'm sure more people will be along to give more options.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Southern NJ/Philadelphia
Posts: 151
Meetings are nothing like "meeting 20 more people with the hookup". This will never happen at a NA meeting well at least not the ones I've gone to. Check them out I'm sure it'll surprise you how relaxing and helpful they are..
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3
Okay, bare (bear? lol guess I don't know which) with me here, like I said I'm new to the forum thing so I wanted to reply to each comment individually but.....I don't know how I guess. So -
Anna and Naive: Thank you for the encouragement. It's nice to hear, really.
Angel: No, I'm embarrassed to admit that I haven't actually checked into the state offices. To tell you the truth, I might not even have HEARD that, I might be strictly ignorantly assuming. Because I'm scared? And embarrassed? It's so different to talk about this stuff online here, with a fake created name and no face. I think when it comes to having to put my story to my person I am too scared to present it to anyone. My family is kinda weird. I think we are all really pretty good at denial and then the ones that don't do that are good at attacking. For me, when I am attacked it doesn't exactly send me out with the "I'm gonna show her" attitude and do great things. I'm more like "well f*&^ her then, what does she know anyways she doesn't have a lot goin for her either". But you know what else they don't have? A F*(&^(#$ drug addiction!! So, I totally know that I'm wrong in thinking things sometimes but I guess their approach sucks? So we get nowhere really. And you can't tell em their approach sucks cause that's where self righteous denial kicks in and, no, their approach doesn't suck I'm too sensitive. Ugh, I could keep going but let's just say family = they love me definitely and want the best for me.....they just don't really know what theyshould do about it, nor do they try too hard. My mommy, bless her heart, can't really admit I'm an addict. I have to be like, "no, ma this isn't really up for debate" lol it just makes her sad and she doesn't know what to do or say. If she had the answers she'd give em. She'd give me the world if she could. I guess my biggest issue in finding help is looking.....Lol sounds stupid but it's that whole not being able to find help from hiding in my closet or bathroom lol sounds weird I know but....... I guess I just have to put myself out there and shut up. Thank you!!
And Phils: Thank you also. Maybe I will check out NA. I'm glad that it isn't that way too because it's honestly what I am/was afraid of. Congrats to you on your sobriety. Lookin forward to mine!
Anna and Naive: Thank you for the encouragement. It's nice to hear, really.
Angel: No, I'm embarrassed to admit that I haven't actually checked into the state offices. To tell you the truth, I might not even have HEARD that, I might be strictly ignorantly assuming. Because I'm scared? And embarrassed? It's so different to talk about this stuff online here, with a fake created name and no face. I think when it comes to having to put my story to my person I am too scared to present it to anyone. My family is kinda weird. I think we are all really pretty good at denial and then the ones that don't do that are good at attacking. For me, when I am attacked it doesn't exactly send me out with the "I'm gonna show her" attitude and do great things. I'm more like "well f*&^ her then, what does she know anyways she doesn't have a lot goin for her either". But you know what else they don't have? A F*(&^(#$ drug addiction!! So, I totally know that I'm wrong in thinking things sometimes but I guess their approach sucks? So we get nowhere really. And you can't tell em their approach sucks cause that's where self righteous denial kicks in and, no, their approach doesn't suck I'm too sensitive. Ugh, I could keep going but let's just say family = they love me definitely and want the best for me.....they just don't really know what theyshould do about it, nor do they try too hard. My mommy, bless her heart, can't really admit I'm an addict. I have to be like, "no, ma this isn't really up for debate" lol it just makes her sad and she doesn't know what to do or say. If she had the answers she'd give em. She'd give me the world if she could. I guess my biggest issue in finding help is looking.....Lol sounds stupid but it's that whole not being able to find help from hiding in my closet or bathroom lol sounds weird I know but....... I guess I just have to put myself out there and shut up. Thank you!!
And Phils: Thank you also. Maybe I will check out NA. I'm glad that it isn't that way too because it's honestly what I am/was afraid of. Congrats to you on your sobriety. Lookin forward to mine!
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Newcastle
Posts: 908
Welcome to the forum Try not to beat yourself up too much, the fact that you have posted on here says alot about how concerned you are yourself.
This forum is a brilliant place to get support. I've been battling alcohol addiction for a while now, the inspiration I get from here really does help. Keep posting and stay safe.
Try not to beat yourself up too much, the fact that you have posted on here says alot about how concerned you are yourself.This forum is a brilliant place to get support. I've been battling alcohol addiction for a while now, the inspiration I get from here really does help. Keep posting and stay safe.
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