Gforce23

O.K people--I'm sure you've heard this one before.

I've always been a social drinker. A social PARTY ANIMAL, who loves(d) boozing it up since I was in my 20's in a very punk, rock 'n' roll scene. I loved getting dressed, lookin' hot, going out, and yuckin' it up all night out with my friends in the scene.

Well, fast forward 20 to 10 years, and I'm now in my 40's, married and have a child. While I no longer go out nearly as often or the same way I used to--when I do, I still nearly always over do it. Even at dinner parties, I can't seem to moderate. That all being said--despite the fact that I've had about 4 blackouts and 4 of the gnarliest hangovers of all time in the last month--(and that's just last month during the holiday season) I can't seem to shake this association I have with alcohol and "good times."

Every evening since I decided to stop drinking, that I haven't had a beer or a glass of wine-- I'm not craving it, I'm just....bored! I'm afraid I'm going to bored FOREVER! All I see is an endless parade of evenings where there is no "high" at all.

I must admit, I have ADHD and I am a "high stimulation seeker" so, I've probably used alcohol as one of go-to self-medicators. Ditto for the moderate social anxiety I have. I often get this feeling of internal restlessness, like I just gotta "let loose." And in the past that usually meant go out and party.

In any case, someone, any one, please tell me your stories of your distinctly "un-boring' sobriety. (If your still bored, I don't want to know!!!)
Is there any thing you did to help with the situation?

FYI--I have hobbies, I sew, I play guitar, I'm a deadly serious mountain biker that trains at the gym, I read--but I don't usually do those things after my kid goes to bed. Evening time is for having a beer and watching Jon Stewart.....yikes.

Thanks!

Dee74

When I quit, I'd been living the same life I led at 18 for 2O years.
It took me a while to get used to not living that life.

The old me would have never seen the value of talking a walk, or going to bed early cos I was tired, reading a good book instead of staying out til 3am...or waking up early to see the sunrise...

but the new me does. I actually think this is authentic me.

I suspect I only ever really liked parties cos it was a chance to booze up without being singled out as the one with the problem.

I tried to go back to parties - I find them very hollow and boring affairs now.

Thats me tho

If you still want to go out there's nothing stopping you at all - I do recommend you give it a little break tho ....

there's a lot of temptations out there for people who aren't entirely convinced they want to stop drinking or drugging. Wait until you're absolutely sure you know what you want

D

hypochondriac

Rock and roll!

You can do whatever you want sober Gforce. You may have an initial period of avoiding bars until your settled sober but you can go anywhere you want and do whatever you want sober. It'll be much better getting dressed up to go out knowing that you'll stay looking dignified all night

Xune

There's nothing interesting about getting loaded and then finding the mundane of interest and all because we're loaded.

It's far more interesting to be sober and to genuinely find that what is interesting to us.

How serious a mountain biker could you have been and how hard could your workouts have truly been if you were either drunk or nursing a hang over?

Now that you're sober, won't cycling and working out be that much more intense?

I'm rarely bored, as I keep busy with my job, family, fitness, rec sports, reading, watching movies / tv, internet and holidays.

No time to be bored.

FreeFall

I'm looking for that "natural high" too. Let me know when you find it

MichaelV

I am also ADHD and a VERY restless person. Granted I'm only 27 and small periods of abstinence have often been thwarted by huge relapses. I can't say I've got this down yet and the boredom thing you spoke of is a huge draw to drinking for me. Otherwise I'm always stuck up inside of my head thinking and over analyzing. But my head has always gotten MUCH clearer after a couple weeks to a month of total sobriety. Than I would actually start reading books, writing lyrics. I can't say I'm an example by any stretch, but feeling some connection to the way you described your drinking and ADHD I can just suggest that substance really clouds things up and complicates that situation for me, especially in withdrawal phases or only short stints of sobriety. Getting some good clean time under my belt brings back enjoyment for normal things slowly. This is what I hope to continue to do, good luck on your path as well.

2granddaughters

I've posted this a few times here but maybe it's time to post it again. The names and faces change rapidly around here ......

Chuck C. in his book "A new pair of glasses" attributed his conscious separation from the rest of the world on his ego. He drew the world as he knew (felt) it like this .......




If anyone can identify with this picture, please let me know with a "thanks" (not to thank me but as an acknowledgement).

All the best.

Bob R

CAPTAINZING2000

The sky is the limit when, you don't drink. Over the past going on 14 years, I've taken the money I spent on alcohol and have taken some real nice vacations. I do everything I did in the past except stay out of bars. i sure don't miss the fights and the drama that always seemed to be there

Gforce23

Ha ha yeah staying home and watching Jon Stewart isn't very Rock'n'Roll...however, I still do like to go out and dance to some good live music or my favorite local DJ crew once and a while, it's just not my "whole life" anymore. My socializing has changed since being a wife and a mother. I tend to socialize more in smaller groups with other parents--(many of them also like to booze it up.) But while I'm not out "partying" all the time, I still can't seem to moderate to well for the life of me during social situations with any consistency, whatsoever--see below:

For anybody that's never read any of my previous posts about my drinking problem, here it is in nutshell:

I don't appear, at this point any way to have a "physical dependency." That means, I'm not a daily drinker. I also seem to be able to moderate under very specific situations--i.e while at home with my husband "watching Jon Stewart." I know people in recovery (especially those in A.A) are skeptical when I say that but, it is the truth. The trouble arises whenever I drink socially, 10 drinks won't be enough. I have had consequences--blackouts, d.u.i (14 years ago) broken shoulder (16 years ago) and countless excruciating hangovers. The last 4 times I went out drinking with people, I don't have ANY recollection of how I got home, and I'm having increasingly worse hangovers with terrible anxiety to boot.

So in answer to your question Xune, while it's true that I am not being the most excellent athlete I can be doing this to my self, I've NEVER worked out drunk. However, I definitely DID use to go on rides hungover in my youth, but I can't really do that any more than sprout wings and fly--hell when I'm hungover now, I can't even make out of bed let alone get on my bike or go to the gym. However, I absolutely agree with you (shocker!) I am not being the best athlete I can be going drinking and smoking to boot (I always want cigarettes when I start drinking.)

Back to the Boredom and going thing--I do know people who don't drink but they do go out. So, maybe I need to ask them what it's like.

I am just wondering what I need to do to shake that "gotta loose it's Friday NIGHT!" feeling.

Thanks for all the feedback so far.

Cheers.

2granddaughters

Time will tell as you go along dry.. I hope you're right.

I don't think you are a social drinker, you sound like me ... a drunk in a social setting.

All the best in your recovery.

Bob R

penny74

Know how you feel...

LexieCat

Heh,

Funny thing, but I was so isolated when I was drinking, that sobriety gave me the ability to go out and have a good time for the first time in YEARS. I go to concerts, sometimes all by myself (at 56 I was in the Pit for Radiohead and literally dead center in a crush of people right against the stage). I go to Broadway shows, sometimes with friends, sometimes alone. I have an awesome new job where I get to travel all over the country meeting new people--something I DEFINITELY could not have managed while I was still drinking.

You are still very early on, so I'm not surprised you feel bored. It takes time to re-learn how to have fun and get crazy if you feel like it without drinking. I'm betting you did some crazy fun stuff as a kid, way before you ever hit the booze. So you are CAPABLE of it--you just forgot how to do it.

Be a little patient--fun times are ahead for the sober, too. I know a bunch of people seriously into motorcycling in sobriety. I've gone to several amazing shows at small venues with sober friends who are having crazy fun--it's contagious.

Gforce23

Thanks--you make a lot of sense, and I believe you are right about me. I don't bring up ability to moderate as an excuse or hold it up as a reason that I shouldn't quit drinking, it just that makes it harder for me to resist that voice that starts telling me it's "no big deal, everyone gets really drunk sometimes" --because if I drink a few beers during the week, I always say to myself "See, it's fine." And then BOOM, I'll go out and not remember how I got home.
I don't always get wasted when I go out either, depends one factor: how easy it is for me to keep getting drinks. If I can't get to the bar because it's packed, or if I need two hands to play guitar or I'm out with my husband, I might not come home too drunk. But, I realized it's all about access. If I have it, I will. Period.
None of this really matters anyway. I am not being the person I want to be or the mother I want to be or the athlete I want to be, so quibbling over the details of my drinking problem probably don't matter. However, if someone makes a comment about me being say, drunk during the day, or something like that, I feel like I have to explain what my problem is, and what it isn't.

That all being said, I suspect that your above quote about me is spot on.

Cheers.

soberlicious

I go out and I do not drink...haven't in a long time. I love live music and I love to dance. I also love to shoot pool, play darts, and talk smack. I can sometimes be found dancing on the bar...it's extra fun if there is a pole or cage. I am who I am...I don't need booze to be me. I do not go to places where drinking is the activity. That's boring. I also only engage with others who, like me are non-drinkers, or with those who are "normal" drinkers. Hardcore drunks (like I was) also bore me.

I am not, in any way shape or form, suggesting that others do what I do. I am not uncomfortable around alcohol. It matters not to me where I am, whether there is alcohol there or not...I'm a non-drinker so every place is the same to me. But I understand that is not true for others.

The whole "going out" thing can certainly be done, but it has it's own monotony. Many people find after they quit, the whole scene is stupid.

What is it that you'd like to do, but can't do without drinking?

Xune

Gforce23, being able to moderate how much you drink during certain situations has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not / how severe an 'alcoholic' you are.

In fact, it's a complete myth that 'alcoholics' are incapable of moderating their consumption during certain environments or situations.

Over the long term, the 'alcoholic' is incapable of consistently moderating the consumption of alcohol in a responsible manner.

Anyone who tries to convince you otherwise is perpetuating a myth.

I've the sense that you have a misunderstanding as to what it means to be alcohol dependent.

Basically, 'alcoholic' and alcohol dependent mean very much the same thing. One is used by the scientific community and the other by the lay community ( as well those in a therapeutic setting)

Here's the definition of alcohol dependent -

"Alcoholism, or alcohol dependence, is the most severe form of alcohol abuse. It is a chronic disease characterized by the consumption of alcohol at a level that interferes with physical and mental health and with family and social responsibilities. An alcoholic will continue to drink despite serious health, family, or legal problems."

Alcohol Abuse | Psychology Today

You had four black outs in the last month.

I wish you well in the choices you make for yourself and your family.

coraltint

I felt exactly as you feel now.....if I gotta live without booze, why bother?! Especially since I was a bartender (income), shy (social lubricant), ADHD (self med).

It gets better. I felt like I was missing out on everything for a while...maybe a year, but being honest with myself I was able to remember that drinking had become the cavalcade of humiliation that you described so well.....it just didn't work anymore. So that's all I was really missing out on.

Now that the obsession to drink is gone I do things that are fun, and I am generally better at them sober: I play guitar better, I remember the concerts I go to (most of them in rock clubs that serve booze), etc etc

You will only be bored if you choose to be....you can have an extremely full life sober, I promise.

Fallow

Im in AA and Im not skeptical about how you say you drink. I drank just like that too. I agree lots of AA people seem to think Im full of bull when I say that plenty of times Id drink a beer or two and go to bed. Problem is the times I drank a few were the calm before the storm of more blackouts, hangovers and all the other alcoholic 'side effects'. If I could stick to only 3 drinks or less permanently I wouldnt be seeking sobriety myself.

Ill take boredom any day over all those alcoholic side effects...and the funny thing is Im far from bored. If you need alcohol to have fun still it sounds to me like you are just not done drinking.

Enjoy it while you can

Gforce23

Soberlicious,

Thanks for you're response. You and I sound similar in personality--

That being said, this isn't all about "Going Out." I think I need to clarify. Although that's part of it, I don't actually do those things on a very regular basis anymore.

My husband is also my drinkin' pal. He doesn't have a problem, I've hardly every seen him really drunk. He's always been able to moderate or so "no" where I can't. He's the guy that's ready to go home at midnight, and I'm his boozy wife that wants to stay up and smoke cigarettes and talk with anyone else who's game.
However, we've had this relationship where we both look forward together to getting a 6 pack in the evening or some ciders for the beach etc, etc, and the other couples we hang out with are also big "social" drinkers, some more or less boozy than others.

So it isn't just the going out thing. I'm not going out tonight, but I'd usually have some beer with my husband, and it helps us get kind of "loose" with each other, and I don't usually drink my self sick when it's just and him, so sometimes I just feel sad that I have to sacrifice it because I'm doing bodily harm to myself when I drink socially.

Mostly this is about the over all feeling how am I going to deal with all this NERVOUS energy I have!!

Thanks everyone for their two cents. Intend to find out what it's like for myself, so here goes...

soberlicious

Yes, I understand. I think you need to give yourself time to find out who you are without the booze. I also think that your perspective will shift and you will not see giving it up as a sacrifice. The focus will shift from the drinking...to the actual activity itself. For me I began to look forward to the beach...not the "beers and the beach", spending time with a friend... not "wine with a friend", going out to dinner...not "drinks and dinner". Even just "hanging out" being together with your husband will become just that...without the third wheel of alcohol. A subtle shift...but a powerful one.

phoebe64

If you are just having a few with him each night, or most nights, you are still doing yourself bodily harm. That was my pattern as well, most of the time. a couple or a few glasses of wine most nights. More on weekends.

I have some serious health problems due to the drinking and excess weight, and reduction in exercise that resulted from the drinking or other behaviors related to my drinking.

More than one drink a day is unhealthy for women. I have to remind myself of that often. Because i too would want to drink still, if i could be sure I could always stop after 3, as someone here mentioned. But I often did, and it still got me into health problems.

Those are different than the hangovers and embarrassing behavior. The hangovers will really get you looking hard at your drinking, in my experience. Then I feel better for awhile and think I can drink. But I think I am where I can keep it stopped now.

I understand that feeling of associating fun with drinking. Chilling on a weekend, even at home. Movie means a bottle of wine, dinner, needs some wine. I feel weird sitting in a nice restaurant with my mineral water and hubby having a beer. It is something to get used to doing.

But I *always* wake up happy about not having drank the night before. Never regret not having drank. Lately, when I did drink, I had awful anxiety and insomnia a few hours after going to bed as well. The "fun factor" of drinking is kind of wearing off anyway. We just forget about that as time goes by. I use that memory of the sleepless, anxious nights to talk myself out of temptation these days.