pattyG

Well, I found out my XAGF filed in family court to get joint custody of my kids. If ever there was a need for no contact to stay no contact, this was my lesson to learn. I unblocked my phone on Thursday last week. On Sat, after dropping off the items she wanted back and not seeing her, I heard her friends and family partying it up planning a meal. I left feeling like she is obviously doing fine without me and my kids. I sent her a text to that effect. She called with no come back, have dinner with us..etc. She then showed up at my house with her drinking buddy, obviously drunk. (he drove) He basically told all of her business: she being laid off, she spent "like $1000" on fixing up her aptment, and got a new cell phone when she was "downtown" and it was stolen. I was angry about it, all of it...yet not seeing the big picture. I asked her about downtown repeatedly. She said she went down to get assistance, and "Im not proud to admit that". She left after 30 mins. Sunday I woke at 3am, couldn't sleep. For whatever reason had a desperate need to talk to her, see if there was any resolution. i went to her aptment first, at 530a...she wasn't there. then I went to her drinking buddy's room at a boarding house. i had no idea what room he was in, I had called her phone it was off, I called his, it rang than the next time it turned off. It was 6am, i heard voices in a downstairs room, i knocked on the door and nobody knew where "dave" lived but "yo baby come party with us" door unlocking. i bolted. I prayed all the way home for a do over. I had made very very poor decisions. She showed up at noon because her brother told her I had been there. I wasn't sure what was happening. i wasn't willing to just go back to what was...I had wanted to talk and get some resolution or closure but the kids were around. Finally at 4pm, I was able to have the kids go watch TV and I told her we needed to talk. I had asked her earlier if she really thought she would qualify for food stamps while she was working and she said "you have to be ready to lose your house to qualify". I told her how last weekend made me feel, when she ignored my needs and then I had to take my 4 kids to the ER to get my mom admitted. She replied that I could've sent her by ambulance. She accused me of not letting her come over all week. i told her about the conversation i heard her talking about me on Monday. She accused me of sneaking around, listening to her private conversations. She then reiterated what she said that, I am crazy and love my best friend more than my kids. I said, you realize I am seeing a lawyer on Tuesday to change the baby's birth certificate, she replied that she has already gone to family court and filed to get joint custody. That was her downtown visit. I was appalled. That is why her aptment is fixed up, because she wants custody of my kids, so she can bring them over to that smoke filled den around her scumbag F&F. I was livid. I asked her to leave and blocked her number. She had sent a text of she loved me, wanted us together, etc. just prior. I got 2 emails this morning, trying to explain how she didn't want to lose "her" kids. She showed up here at 5am, before I had to go to work. I refused to open the door and told her I had nothing to say. Her email this morning I responded to telling her how disappointed I was in her actions and I was glad I knew the truth. I also told her in case she was thinking of "offing" me to get the kids, i had already changed my will...so forget it. She owns a handgun. I know alot of you have been thru family court. Can you give me any advise? especially with what to expect when their is a custody dispute. i am planning on calling a lawyer tomorrow. Every legal person i have spoke to has said she has no rights, not to worry. But I am. I hadn't planned on cutting her out of their lives completely, but I am guessing I have to now, considering the court scenerio. I know they will be asking about her, wanting to talk to her, etc.

LexieCat

See a lawyer. Listen to the lawyer. Tell the lawyer about any evidence you have, any witnesses you have.

It goes without saying, don't contact her or any of her friends. It will come back and bite you. Assume any communications you make are being recorded.

Follow any orders to the letter. If there is an issue of interpretation or you disagree, go back to court and don't try to solve it on your own. If there is an emergency where you feel your children are in danger, call the police and your lawyer, in that order. Don't try to handle it alone. Again, it will come back and bite you if you do.

Sounds to me that if you do the above you should be fine.

ReflectingOnMe

Anything you put in writing: text, email, etc. to her can AND WILL be used against you. Voicemails will be used against you. Eyewitness reports, etc. Only a family-law lawyer would be qualified to give you legal advice based on where you live and what your legal relationship with her was/is.

PohsFriend

It may not matter that you are doing things that could screw you up like showing up at 5:30 am or responding to anything but housekeeping items in email...

What's the biological situation here? I'm confused. You said you called the woman's abuse hotline in a prior thread... So, you have four kids - are any hers biologically or are they yours or are they adopted or.....?

The answer is important - she may have no standing.

pattyG

The children are all mine. I carried them.my last one, my son, who is 7 mons has her name as well on the birth certificate. Every lawyer I spoke to says she has no rights, even to my son, since it is only legal in my state if u are married and we aren't. She obviously hasn't spoken to a lawyer. Family court will allow anyone to file.

PohsFriend

That's a nobrainer then... There is no court action until you are legally served and what standing would she have? Unless she lies in the supporting affidavit the motion to dismiss should be a joke. If you get ACTUAL papers served on you then talk to an attorney and get a restraining order. They are useless but when violated it builds a trail. If she threatens you or makes noise about taking the kids then don't play games, see the DA and ask for a protective order - police can arrest someone for violating that and your lawyer us the state - you don't pay.

With respect though, be smart. You say she has guns and you think she's dangerous yet you are knocking on doors before dawn? Hell, I'd shoot you for waking me up.

Takes two to tango... With four kids you shouldn't have the energy. Give her a wide berth and don't stir her up. Disengage.