Back to being a newcomer
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
Back to being a newcomer
Hi,
[Rather long - I'm a bit prolix!]
I'm in Melbourne, Aust so it's probably late night / early morning for most of you in the States and UK / Europe. I've been reading SR voraciously in recent weeks and months, although I think I lurked a few years ago. It's all a bit of a blur.
I'm drinking again, although I should have celebrated my first full year of abstinence on Dec. 28 2012. Part of the reason I've finally got up the (tiny) courage to post instead of just read is because of a confluence of things I guess:
The month residential rehab I did twelve months ago was in fact my second attempt at quitting drinking for good (the first was a 10 day detox programme in Oct. 2009). That first time, I began having 'slips' within about two months and by 3 months post-detox, I was fully relapsed. At the time, I put it down to massive and multiple life stressors; plus I lived in a medium size country town east of Melb then, with very few AA meetings there or in nearby towns: and I just hated them on the few occasions I went along. There was no post-detox programme support near me either as I'd done the detox in Melbourne, 175 kms away.
So, the stronger rehab programme I did this time last year was also in Melbourne, but it was critical to staying sober - as I did - for six months straight! Plus: I found a place to rent quite close to it so I could attend any of their daily outpatient support groups. That was a big deal, to have to move yet again, and back to the city, in my late 50s and all on my own. Also I moved to where I am now because there are also stacks of AA meetings spread through the week and in a reasonable travelling radius from here.
That first six months I did a mix of rehab groups and AA, depending on what I needed each day of the week. Not fond of AA, indeed, quite a skeptic -and remain so; nevertheless, it helped a little. After my first bust (single drinking session - which they all were lately), I stepped up meetings hugely through most of the latter part of 2012. I sometimes chaired, I finally found a sponsor, started working the Steps.....
All in all, I busted (from June to around New Year) 8 times. For a range of reasons which I've given great thought to / prayed about - in my agnostic / Buddhist / progressive Christian whatever way :-) - I've stopped going to meetings in the past week and a bit. I'm awaiting delivery from overseas of the Rational Recovery book, plus Twelve Steps for Women (forgotten the exact title right now). I read through ALL of the AVRT threads posted here in SR a while back, and loved them. I've also written down numerous astute sayings etc which are written by some I've really come to respect. And I journal a lot too.
So: I KNOW that I must simply put down the drink again; that it's a daily journey, 'don't pick up the first drink' etc etc etc etc etc. Not even sure that I'm 'seeking' much from anyone here now; rather, just to hear some occasional encouragement and warmth from some of you (all the way on the other side of the world - it's incredible, really!) on this wonderful forum. I've got a super good idea of all the different sub-fora, the rules, etc - must be the innate researcher / ex-academic in me - so I'll no doubt pop up in different spots.
thanks to those who are listening,
Vic
[Rather long - I'm a bit prolix!]
I'm in Melbourne, Aust so it's probably late night / early morning for most of you in the States and UK / Europe. I've been reading SR voraciously in recent weeks and months, although I think I lurked a few years ago. It's all a bit of a blur.
I'm drinking again, although I should have celebrated my first full year of abstinence on Dec. 28 2012. Part of the reason I've finally got up the (tiny) courage to post instead of just read is because of a confluence of things I guess:
The month residential rehab I did twelve months ago was in fact my second attempt at quitting drinking for good (the first was a 10 day detox programme in Oct. 2009). That first time, I began having 'slips' within about two months and by 3 months post-detox, I was fully relapsed. At the time, I put it down to massive and multiple life stressors; plus I lived in a medium size country town east of Melb then, with very few AA meetings there or in nearby towns: and I just hated them on the few occasions I went along. There was no post-detox programme support near me either as I'd done the detox in Melbourne, 175 kms away.
So, the stronger rehab programme I did this time last year was also in Melbourne, but it was critical to staying sober - as I did - for six months straight! Plus: I found a place to rent quite close to it so I could attend any of their daily outpatient support groups. That was a big deal, to have to move yet again, and back to the city, in my late 50s and all on my own. Also I moved to where I am now because there are also stacks of AA meetings spread through the week and in a reasonable travelling radius from here.
That first six months I did a mix of rehab groups and AA, depending on what I needed each day of the week. Not fond of AA, indeed, quite a skeptic -and remain so; nevertheless, it helped a little. After my first bust (single drinking session - which they all were lately), I stepped up meetings hugely through most of the latter part of 2012. I sometimes chaired, I finally found a sponsor, started working the Steps.....
All in all, I busted (from June to around New Year) 8 times. For a range of reasons which I've given great thought to / prayed about - in my agnostic / Buddhist / progressive Christian whatever way :-) - I've stopped going to meetings in the past week and a bit. I'm awaiting delivery from overseas of the Rational Recovery book, plus Twelve Steps for Women (forgotten the exact title right now). I read through ALL of the AVRT threads posted here in SR a while back, and loved them. I've also written down numerous astute sayings etc which are written by some I've really come to respect. And I journal a lot too.
So: I KNOW that I must simply put down the drink again; that it's a daily journey, 'don't pick up the first drink' etc etc etc etc etc. Not even sure that I'm 'seeking' much from anyone here now; rather, just to hear some occasional encouragement and warmth from some of you (all the way on the other side of the world - it's incredible, really!) on this wonderful forum. I've got a super good idea of all the different sub-fora, the rules, etc - must be the innate researcher / ex-academic in me - so I'll no doubt pop up in different spots.
thanks to those who are listening,
Vic
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
Ah yes, starting to give a sh&% about your life....
Heheh: as I reckon - no, I know - I'm one of those 'dual diagnosis' people, battling lifelong depression and anxiety exacerbated by drinking, it's like: finding / recover-ing the Self from long ago and deep within IS my project, as it were.
Preservation: well, I appear to have cheated death or close-to so many times. But I also know, being an old bat (as we say here :-)) that alcoholics don't necessarily get the proverbial nine lives. One young female member of my recent home group died on Christmas Eve, after taking a massive o/d of pills and booze a couple of days before. So our Christmas Day (Tuesday here in Aus)home group meeting was, to say the least, EXTREMELY emotional.
And thanks a million Dee and the other mods / admins / greeters on this site btw: I can barely get it together to do the basics at home and walk my dog, let alone do what you guys / gals do!!!:ghug3
Heheh: as I reckon - no, I know - I'm one of those 'dual diagnosis' people, battling lifelong depression and anxiety exacerbated by drinking, it's like: finding / recover-ing the Self from long ago and deep within IS my project, as it were.
Preservation: well, I appear to have cheated death or close-to so many times. But I also know, being an old bat (as we say here :-)) that alcoholics don't necessarily get the proverbial nine lives. One young female member of my recent home group died on Christmas Eve, after taking a massive o/d of pills and booze a couple of days before. So our Christmas Day (Tuesday here in Aus)home group meeting was, to say the least, EXTREMELY emotional.
And thanks a million Dee and the other mods / admins / greeters on this site btw: I can barely get it together to do the basics at home and walk my dog, let alone do what you guys / gals do!!!:ghug3
Fellow Traveler and Seeker
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 2,408
hi bemyself,
It was a pleasure reading your post - you sound like you really want this. Dee is right - reading is great, but getting your feet into the water is the only way to swim...the feedback and give and go is more productive, and you never know what you'll read here. That is what brings me back, for sure.
However way you decide to take your journey, get right in it
There's a whole new way of life out there...and it's wonderful.
It was a pleasure reading your post - you sound like you really want this. Dee is right - reading is great, but getting your feet into the water is the only way to swim...the feedback and give and go is more productive, and you never know what you'll read here. That is what brings me back, for sure.
However way you decide to take your journey, get right in it
There's a whole new way of life out there...and it's wonderful.
No pity. No remorse. No fear
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 183
Hey bloke! Same part of the world. Your story is pretty similar to mine too. In that I stopped AA last October and am awaiting my copy of Rational Recovery! I'm not quite your age though, being a spring-chickenly 46. I found the title of your post interesting; you are definitely NOT back to being a newcomer. A bust or busts does simply erase the previous sobriety you have acheived. You may have even prompted me to post my experience of the last couple of years and why I chose to leave AA and find a different path. (I'll do this on the Secular forums though). Cheers and welcome!
I found the title of your post interesting; you are definitely NOT back to being a newcomer. A bust or busts does simply erase the previous sobriety you have acheived. You may have even prompted me to post my experience of the last couple of years and why I chose to leave AA and find a different path. (I'll do this on the Secular forums though). Cheers and welcome!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Welcome to SR Vic
You might be a newcomer to SR but I don't think you're back at square one recovery wise. Sounds like you're just figuring out what will work for you. Glad you posted and I'm sure your input here will be valuable x
You might be a newcomer to SR but I don't think you're back at square one recovery wise. Sounds like you're just figuring out what will work for you. Glad you posted and I'm sure your input here will be valuable
x
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