spangly

Hi! I started drinking when I was very young about 15. At first it was occasional but as I reached sixteen to eighteen (I lived in Scotland where the drinking age is 18 and back then pubs hardly cared if you looked close enough) it became more common. I had a pretty troubled childhood in social care and being moved around from home to school. I was never abused and my carers were kind.

I've always been a "managed" drinker. I used to smoke a ton of weed back in my teens and early twenties (I quit that easily). I also smoked cigarettes medium heavy (15+ per day) for over thirty years but I quit three years ago and I'm over that now.

Most nights I drink a minimum of three large glasses of white wine followed by a 6 pack of medium (5%) strength beer. Weekends I'll add a cocktail or maybe some Champagne. I've built up a business that pretty much generates a steady income with very little input from me and my spouse has a good job so we don't have to worry too much about finances. This also means that I don't really go out very much. I used to be a pretty successful musician but these days I can't even be bothered to pick up my instrument any more. It's like I just don't care about anything except surviving out the rest of my life in comfort.

Ironically, I'm not unhappy but it concerns me that I can be content with such a sedentary existence. The highlight of my day is sitting in front of the TV at night drinking beer and watching movies on TV. I always avoid being drunk in public and I never drink and drive.

My biggest worry is that my partner who never drank as much as me has started having blotto nights (which I very seldom do), getting far more noticeably drunk than I do and not recalling the details. I blame myself for allowing a culture to grow whereby that would even be acceptable to happen. If he'd married a teetotaler I very much imagine he would be sober too. He can't afford to make mistakes because his job has a large social aspect and a fair degree of responsibility. I know that if I quit he will too or at least bring his own drinking into check.

I'm also pretty disgusted by the sheer amount of empties I take out back. Every couple of days there's a grocery bag full to the brim with beer cans and wine bottles. I actually find this more unpleasant than most ex-smokers find ashtrays.

I'm on my second day sober. I'm using the lessons I learned from quitting smoking (which I thought would be far harder than drink for me). I have quit before but for a maximum of two weeks. I didn't even feel the urge to drink then so when the opportunity came up I though, why not? (figuring I wasn't an alcoholic if I could "get over it" that quickly) But this time I need to stick it out. We only have each other now and I want to us to truly enjoy what life has to offer us.

Anyone in similar shoes?

AngelBabe

You'll find a lot of support and great information on these boards. Good luck in your journey.

Coldfusion

Hey, Spangle

I am also 50, drinking as long as you--my partner and I finally quit 81 days ago. We use AA and NA, and I have found a lot of answers and support here at SR.

Welcome!

LexieCat

Welcome--glad you're here.

I hope things with your partner work out the way you hope, but it doesn't always work out that way. Sometimes two people will drink pretty much to keep each other company, and when one stops the other will, too. It really depends on whether either person is an alcoholic. That particular problem is seldom solved by simply changing a habit.

spangly

Thanks. What has been the hardest part for you to overcome?

Impurrfect

Welcome to SR!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

kizzy40

Hello spangle,
Well done on quitting the fags for a start
I can well identify with the shameful feelings of throwing away the empties everyday.
My living room no longer looks like the taproom of a backstreet boozer.

Well done on day 2, this forum has been invaluable for advice/support good luck to you both

artsoul

Welcome spangly!

It's great that you're getting sober - I think you'll find your life improves a lot and you'll be saving yourself so many health problems in the future. Hopefully your partner will be inspired.

Glad you've joined us!

spangly

I think you're talking about something deeper than my understanding. I know my partner can go days or weeks without drinking and can also switch to tea or juice after a couple of drinks. With me, if I start I finish. I usually start at 6pm and drink till I'm ready for bed.

spangly

Thanks, I really appreciate that.

goingtoquit

congrats on quitting, we are all here to support you, good luck.

Mark75

Probably it's best to just focus on your issues, those with your partner will work out.

I was 51 when I quit... Lots of full garbage cans, too... Yea I found it very unpleasant. It is very nice not to deal with that sh1t anymore.

I could really relate to what you said about not pursuing the music thing, content just to be content, another night getting wasted... I think in my recovery, though it was slow to get started, I have found new enthusiasm and... Depth, I think... In pursuing those thinks that I love and finding new interests... Fly fishing, for example... I would have never had the patience and clarity needed to be successful.

Hang in there. It gets better, lots better.

spangly

Thanks, I think you know what I'm talking about.

Coldfusion

My drinking habits were different from yours, and I went through a detox program. A lot of people complain of anxiety in early recovery, but I was given a medication for that. The detox program was okay, but it was kind of a weird place to be --so that was good in that it was a major distraction.

I was around mostly heroin addicts there, and I saw what I did not want to become. Also, there were nightly AA and NA meetings, so I had a good introduction to what to expect at the meetings when I got home.

Hope4Life

I also drank every night for 35 years and now have 6 months sober thanks to the incredible amount of support here at SR.

The decision that you have already made is the most important decision of your life and a life w/o alcohol will be INFINITELY better than getting drunk very day.

I would also like to say congratulations on giving up smoking. Even though smoking and drinking seem to be a part of society these days, the damage that smoking causes later in life is gruesome to say the least. I watched my Father, Grandfather and Grandmother suffer for years with Emphysema and Lung Cancer before finally passing away.

Welcome to SR and dont forget we never close and are always here to support your sobriety.

spangly

Hey thanks. I read some of your posts and I think we are (or in you case have been) in a similar place regarding duration, amount and self-deception about our drinking. I have fooled myself that, as I'm mostly a beer and wine guy, can walk into a bar and only have one and don't start drinking till 6pm that I'm somehow OK. But 35 years of drinking (and to be truthful, if anything, I've "scaled back" from my heaviest drinking days) every day is not OK.

bemyself

Spangly, I do agree with what Mark75 (I think) remarked about focusing on your own stuff and less on your partner's. For myself, I'm really quite fortunate, in one sense, in not having a partner or anyone living with me -even a housemate or such. So there's no one ELSE in my life to distract me from how I think about drinking, sobriety, my past, my future, my today. It's ALL DOWN TO ME.

Of course, given that I'm currently drinking again, take this with the requisite grain of salt. Nevertheless, I think it's terrific that you are seeing what you've been doing and want to move forward to a better you. there are many many very wise and experienced people on this site, at various support groups (12 Step / non-12 Step ), on numerous blogs, and surely, some in your own 'nearby' life.

'When the student is ready, the teacher appears' has often worked for me.
I'll shut up now and attend to my doggie's dinner.

least

to SR! You'll find a lot of support here from people who understand. :ghug3