fallingtogether

I am so sick and tired of walking around this house angry at life. My marriage is in the crapper and my husband who acts like a child won't put forth any help/honesty in. My drinking was a result if a ****** marriage. He said he would support me if I quit drinking. He lied. I quit for me, my kids and my marriage. 111 days in, no support. I seriously cannot stand him. I don't know what to do. When to walk away. When to surrender. I just don't know and I'm tired of trying to figure it out. Someone help me please!

vegibean

falling, did you marry my X husband? Seriously, in a short you sound like me.

He divorced me five years ago, and for the next 3+ years continued to pursue me and get me back, "maybe we should think about getting back together", I don't think so.

I think the reason I was able to stay sober as long as I had was because he was no longer in my life. Now I only have to deal with him in a short term situation (sometimes still hellacious), but it beats living with him every day and feeling like I was with someone that doesn't care about me, and he didn't.

Why are you still with him? What's going on with you two? I'm sorry you're having a hard time, I feel for you. :ghug3

Bruno1979

Hi Fallingtogether,

First of all, well done on you're 111 days, that is a superb acheivement.

Secondly, when it comes down to you're marriage, that is a seperate issue entirely, How old are you're children if you don't mind me asking?

Dee74

Hi FT
I'm sorry for your situation.

I'm not a marriage guidance expert, so I have no advice apart from suggesting you get some wise counsel - find people you trust, and listen to their opinions. Is counselling an option, even?

As for no support - you have a ton of support here - are you still doing AA as well?

D

misterritter

Sorry you are having these marital issues. I understand how powerful they can be as I am experiencing some of my own. There is a forum website similar to SR but dedicated to different aspects of marriage that I have found a lot of support and info from called talkaboutmarriage. Like SR there are a lot of people with a lot of knowledge and experience there who are willing to listen and help.

Good luck and congrats on the 111 days.

fallingtogether

Thanks for the encouragement. I realize tht this is a separate issue, and that's why I am at a cross roads with continuing aa. Mg husband is a daily pot smoker and has made no changes in his behavior. That infuriates me beyond belief, however, this was about my drinking. We both had expectations, that when the drink was eliminated things would change. Well, thy have, now he likes to go out and drink. And justifies it because of my past drinking issues. I drank to escape this ********. I recognize that. He would feed me pills or light a joint for me if I said I wanted to smoke, but if I mention having a drink..... He says you can't drink. Period. Last time I checked, this was my choice, not his. If I had it my way, he wouldn't be playing world of Warcraft like he does, I complain about it yes, no consessions on his end.


I would love to go to counseling. He will not go. Can't get far with a marriage counselor if I'm the only one going, right?

vegibean

Then go by yourself, I encourage you to talk to someone who might be able to give you some insight.

I'm sorry that he's not playing by the same rules, really isn't fair.

Received

It worked for me.

DFU

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

What things in your life can you change? You can't change your husband, but you can choose to change your situation. You can't make him go to counseling (trust me I've tried in my own marriage), but you can choose to talk to someone or seek help yourself. You can't make him stop drinking or smoking, but you can choose whether or not you will stand for it. Maybe if his back is up against the wall, HE will choose to make some changes. Until then, drinking is not and will never be your solution. Your problems will still be there when you sober up and your guilt and shame will make things even worse.

Bigndfan175

Trial separation if all goes well divorce the guy, if he isn't supporting you now he isn't going to change his stripes.

fallingtogether

I told him last night I don't know the solution. I told him honestly i may be able to deal for 2 weeks or 10 years, I don't know. After today's events of him smoking all day, at home and out with friends, I have decided that it was more like 24 hours and I am done. I feel a huge relief off my back. I also asked him not to sleep in our bed tonight. I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I as much as I thought a drink would lessen te tension on me, I am grateful to be sober and of sound mind. Ughhhh, why does life have to be so real? Lol good night sr, here's to another sober night.

AngelBabe

There was a country song that came out over ten years ago called " You're not much fun since I quit drinking" This can end up applying to so many. Once that cloud lifts that was alcohol many find that they knew not only the root of the problem that made them turn to drinking they now realized that no matter if you they set themselves on fire it was never going to change who the other person was/is. In the end the only changes we can tuly control are our own. Best wishes for you on sorting it all out.

paul99

Remember you're quitting for you, not for anyone else. My sobriety isn't contingent on any thing or any one.

Sorry to hear things aren't going well on the marital front. I had a separation when I started my journey. It was the best thing, as it gave me time to focus on my recovery, and my wife to focus on her and our child. It was invaluable, in fact.

Good luck and congrats on 111 days