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Where do I go from here?

Old 01-20-2013, 01:07 AM
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Where do I go from here?

Hi guys,

Want some advice/chat/inspiration.

I posted a message earlier in the mental health forum but as I use this forum more regularly I wanted you guys to see it too. For those who don't know me or can't remember me I'm sneeker. I joined this forum September last year when I was in a really bad place. I got my username because I used to sneek the booze in and sneek the empties out! Sneeker by name sneeker by nature. I run my own business and it is very stressful and like a lot of people I have money issues, crazy deadlines and huge expectations. By nature I'm a perfectionist and a worrier, which is a rubbish combination! I'm also a very thoughtful sensitive person. I take thing to heart very easily and consequently get upset for the stupidest things. Drinking was always my crutch.

I have also suffered with depression since I was a teenager. I've always been a drinker, more enthusiastic social drinker than problem drinker, but always a drinker. I gave up alcohol Sept 2012 because my drinking went from being social to out of control. At the time I was going through a really bad period of depression. I was so stressed and down the only way I felt I could cope was through drinking. I drank to escape, to dull the pain. I used to love the numb feeling booze would give me, sometimes it felt like I was underwater.

After a brief moment of clarity I had an epiphany, what if the booze was making me depressed?! I suddenly felt lifted like I had found the meaning of life! So I gave up drinking. I figured it would take a while but eventually I would start to feel better in myself.

Well, four and a half months have passed and I still have the depression. So my theory was wrong. There was no direct link between the alcohol and the depression. One thing I did learn is that for the past 10-15 years I have probably been inadvertently using alcohol as self meditation without even realising it.

So am I glad I gave up drinking? Yes I think so. I did not get the miraculous recovery I was expecting but I am in a better place now. I still have the depression but through trial and error I have got rid of the alcoholism, which is no bad thing.

Thing is I feel a little lost. Where do I go from here? How can I crack my depression? Do I need to find a new forum?!!

Confused right now. Any thoughts?
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Old 01-20-2013, 01:12 AM
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I've been struggling with depression since I was a young adult (I"m 61 now) and the booze didn't help, for sure. I've been on anti-d's for a long time but drinking didn't allow them to work properly. Now that I'm sober my meds are working as they should and the depression is manageable. Have you seen a doctor for help/advice on your depression? Counseling helped me greatly too.
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Old 01-20-2013, 01:13 AM
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Drinking doesn't help depression, it makes it worse, I have the same problem so I am not sure I can help you much. I am thinking therapy on my end.
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Old 01-20-2013, 01:17 AM
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have you seen a Dr sneeker?

D
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Old 01-20-2013, 01:18 AM
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Ive Quit for 8 month's once and numerous 2-3 week quits and ive come to realize that even when i dont feel good on a particular day,like today for example, it is nowhere near as bad as days after drinking.
sure those first few hours are pretty good ,but the day after when the anxiety shows up and you are pacing the room ,feeling like you are gonna lose everything and die alone ..suck ass
when i quit for 8 months before ,everybody kept telling me to wait for the miracle,i was like you and skeptical ..I shouldve listened..didnt , and now have fallen further ..
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Old 01-20-2013, 01:23 AM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
have you seen a Dr sneeker?

D
Yes, I have been to my gp. I have been put on a waiting list to see an councillor. I am sceptical and afraid of going on meds. I know so many people on meds and its not worked for the vast majority.

I'm hoping the councelling will help.
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Old 01-20-2013, 01:29 AM
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I hope so too.
That being said, meds helped me tremendously.

D
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Old 01-20-2013, 05:04 AM
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Originally Posted by sneeker View Post
So my theory was wrong. There was no direct link between the alcohol and the depression.
I don't know Sneeker, I think you may need more that 4 and a half months to figure that out. Personally I am pretty sure that I suffered from depression when I was a kid, before I started drinking, and drinking has covered up a lot of sh;t that otherwise I would have had to deal with... But, a lot of my depression now I am sure is situational. The transition getting sober is pretty huge, maybe you're still adapting. Some people insinuated to me that I should be feeling better after 3 months, but 10 months in I had to deal with my first sober Christmas and that threw me into a tailspin. I think it may take longer due to all the situations we have to learn how to deal with sober. You say you do feel better now.. maybe in another 4 months you'll be feeling even better You're on the right track with your doctor, I am sure the counselling will help, but if it doesn't maybe try a different type of counselling before you give up on it. Get a good self help book, go to a meditation class... just keep trying things to help you feel better.

I don't think anything miraculous happens in recovery but I think it's accumulative and every day things get a little better... x
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Old 01-20-2013, 05:08 AM
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Took about 6 months for my depression to lift after giving up drinking .

Bestwishes, M
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Old 01-20-2013, 05:11 AM
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Originally Posted by sneeker View Post
I am sceptical and afraid of going on meds. I know so many people on meds and its not worked for the vast majority.

I'm hoping the councelling will help.
This is a conversation you should have with a Doctor.
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Old 01-20-2013, 05:24 AM
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I wanted to say welcome back Sneeker. What everyone has said here is absolutely true for me also. Drinking made my depression 10x worse.
Everyone is different, there are so many different meds and if you need to try meds you shouldn't be fearful,your doctor will monitor you closely.
It will get better. Please keep posting with us.
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Old 01-20-2013, 05:32 AM
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Originally Posted by sneeker View Post
Yes, I have been to my gp. I have been put on a waiting list to see an councillor. I am sceptical and afraid of going on meds. I know so many people on meds and its not worked for the vast majority.

I'm hoping the councelling will help.
I agree with others, it's best to talk to your doctor. I'm on Paxil for my depression and it does help.

Anti-depressant aren't a "happy" pill they simply put your mind into the right mindset so that you can cope and deal with the things you need to. Some people think that taking them will solve all their problems. They weren't meant for that.

Sometimes the chemical balance in our brains go out of wack and the meds help bring them back together so that they work properly again. Most people won't get the full effect until they have been on them for 4 - 6 weeks.

When going on any of these I think it is really important to see your doctor every week or two weeks to discuss any side effects you might be having. If they are not working it could be the dosage is wrong or you need a different one. I had to change my dosage 3 times to find the right one for me.

Anyone whose depression gets worse when you start taking them see a doctor asap! Because they are not suppose to make your depression worse. A good doctor will work with you while you are on them to ensure that you feel safe taking them and that they are working the way they are suppose to.

Good luck! Depression is not easy to deal with.
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Old 01-24-2013, 03:54 AM
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Hey Guys,

Thanks for all the reply's and nice to see some old friends too!

One positive things I can say about being sober is that I'm a lot more rational these days. When I was drinking I would be quite defensive about silly things, even when I sober. I used to take the slightest negative comment as personal and it would send me spiralling into a depression. These days I more likely to shrug it off, I figure that life can be stressful and people can say things out of context that they wouldn't normally say. I do feel like I have gained a certain amount of inner piece as well.

What I want to do next is build my confidence up. Deep down I know I'm a very capable person but I'm also a complete scatter brain and totally disorganised! If I could just learn how to shut off the annoying chatter in my brain and concentrate on the here and now life would start getting better.

Change is a long process. I am quite impatient and want to see the fruits of my labour now! I realise that despite the fact I am almost 5 months sober I am still at the beginning of my life change. I was drinker for a long time, so becoming who I want to be is going to take time.

A friend of mine recommended a book to me the other day. Not sure on the exact title but its something like kiss that frog or eat that frog? Has anyone heard of the book? Anyway, my friend tells me it will be worth my while reading it! It is apparently a light hearted look at how to improve your life and be more productive and boy do I need that right now!

Good to catch up with everyone on here!


All the best,


Sneeker
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