hypochondriac

I feel pretty stupid for this but I am really not functioning on any normal level and I'm not sure what to do about it. I feel daft even talking about it but it's worrying me a bit.

Things are okay, I go to work, I do okay there and my boss seems happy though I know I have inadequacy issues about my work, I'm trying to work better. My social life is zilch. I'm not good in groups so AA isn't my friend really, though I went out with someone from there tonight for coffee. It was really nice but I figured I really don't like seeing too many people, just being out and about unnerves me and makes me freak a bit. But I cope it's fine. Then tonight I come home to a load of emails from people about a group I help run. It's a social music thing and it's the only cross over I have from my drinking-sober life. I started it and don't feel like I can drop out now, but the constant questions and organisation drives me nuts. But it is the only thing I have to do. I should be able to handle sending a few emails! Even just responding to a text message seems like a massive effort to me. I was talking to my mum about it and she said it's a choice, but I don't feel like it is, I don't feel like I am making a choice not to function. I was doing better when I was drinking, maybe because I couldn't allow myself to look like I couldn't cope, but now I feel like I have collapsed in a heap and can't do anything. I have been waiting for this to improve but it seems I'm just getting worse. What am I doing wrong here? I am exhausted all the time and the slightest thing overwhelms me. Being around people is a huge effort and I run away from it at the first opportunity.

Did anyone else have this or is just how I am sober?

Caledonia1

Hypo I did experience these feelings earlier on in my soberiety but as you know you and I ave travelled a wee bit now. I'm sorry you're feeling like this but I think maybe get a wee check up at the docs. Wish I could offer you more.

You're dealing with issues that normally the booze numbed as we both know but that doesn't make it any easier. Stay strong my friend and I hope your mood lifts soon.


Hugs
xxx

Jeni26

Hey Hypo, sorry you're feeling like this.
Sometimes life does seem overwhelming I know. I've felt it. I get lots of invitations to go out, but I think I'm basically a bit of a loner and I immediately think of ways to get out of socialising without seeming rude to people.
What were you like before you started drinking? Some of us are just not social animals you know?
You are functioning. You are sober. You are doing well at work. You work hard at your sobriety. You have your circle of friends.
When we first become sober, there is that tendency to isolate to protect our sobriety and that is understandable. Don't be too hard on yourself. You are still in the process of creating your sober life.

Here for you my friend xxx

MsJax

I feel like I wrote that.

Do you love and enjoy the group you started & organize? If there are a lot of simple type issues (easy questions from members, formalities) that are simply time consuming and don't require your expertise maybe you could delegate some of that? I know it's hard, some things require you personally to respond.

I changed so much in sobriety and in aging and rethinking my life I too feel like I am at some sort of temporary impasse.

On a different level I don't know what the weather is like where you live but that is something that effects me. It has been cold, dark, grey for months now here. I do not thrive in Jan-Feb-March. Never have. The chemicals in my head are all fouled up, I Feel the black hole.

Technically, it is all our choice. But when you're in a dark place, it can be very hard and there are many different reasons for being down. Congratulations on our sobriety! I guess I don't even have any gear advice for you.

I just understand.

vegibean

All kinds of questions pop into mind, first, have you been to the doctor recently? If not, maybe it's time to go and see what might be going on with you.

Also, how old are you? When was the last time you picked up?

I relate to some of that, but for me, I think it's my age and I've talked to my doctors (woman here), and I take extra supplements now and it has helped me. I'm 43.

Do you see a therapist? That's a thought as well. Hope you're feeling more like yourself soon.

When you stop drinking, things do change, but you need to just figure out what works for you. Hopefully you'll get it all worked out.

Sasha4

Hypo I hear you loud and clear.

I work and look after my daughter.
Everything else I do alone.

I work from home on my own too.
From monday 9am to Friday 7pm that flaming phone never stops flipping beeping and ringing.
This seems to have transferred over to my personal life as I hate phoning people, if I have to I will text. It stresses me out no end when certain friends text non stop. And I have no interest in emailing.

I have been referred to a CBT therapist through my GP and he has diagnosed me with social anxiety and general anxiety.

He is trying to change my belief that if I manage to work and look after my family thats okay. There is no need to socialise or have friends.

I do wonder if it is a symptom of depression.
I think there is documented evidence that seemingly small tasks become huge in the sufferers mind and overwhelm them and the have no interest in anything.
Your doctor might be able to help there.
Exhaustion is another symptom.

Could it be seasonal affective disorder as the time of year is not so good weather wise?

My only suggestions would be to delegate if you can with regards the group.

Could another member of the group be responsible for answering emails.
Maybe give other members roles?
A bit like at church when the vicar has one woman polishing the brass, another dusts the hymn books, another arranges flowers?!!!
Could that work?

Or perhaps set up an email that responds to emails for your group saying that you only deal with queries on (for example tuesday &/or friday evening) and they will have to wait for you to respond then. Then set aside that evening for that.

Don't feel silly or stupid.
I totally understand.
Sometimes the thought of going out with friends horrifies me.

And I agree with Jen, I'm not a social animal. Never was and never will be.

My best to you
xxxX

hypochondriac

Thank you ladies

MsJax, the only reason I don't feel like this is the weather is that I have felt like this from day 1. To be fair that was in Feb but I have passed an entire summer still feeling like this. I could delegate some jobs... but I thought that if I did that it's be like admitting defeat and then I really would be doing nothing outside of work! I do enjoy it but it is something I started to help other people rather than something for my own benefit, and sometimes I feel like giving up on it.

I am not sure what I was like socially before I was drinking Jeni, that was such a long time ago and I was basically a kid. I am definitely a natural introvert but I do love people. Just as an example, I recently was reunited with some family I hadn't seen for many years and it really meant a lot to me. But my cousin text me before Xmas and I still haven't been in touch though I really do want to be. I feel like such a loser.

I'll be asking my doc about this Cale but I have no high hopes there, I mentioned it before and he said the standard response of 'come back in a few weeks if you don't feel better', which is what he'll say again when I go back. It's like some weird twilight zone at my doctors practice.

EternalQ

Yes! I was absolutely like this! In month four and five for long stretches. More often than not.. Then off and on. About 50/50. Then it happened but was the exception. Now I have it for just a few hours here and there.

All I can say is I don't know if it was PAWS or not. But I know many people have it and the way I handled it was to observe it without too much self condemnation.

Eventually I began to challenge myself to push back on this but that is only in the last month.

Try not to use it as a measure of who you are. Because your sobriety will not steer you wrong, my friend. Big hugs.

hypochondriac

Vegibean, I am 31, female and have been sober for 10 + months... I have just started to see a counsellor so hopefully that will help. I'm not so sure, but I am trying stuff to help.

Sasha, that's ace you're getting CBT through your doc. I am thinking of asking mine for the same thing. I think I may be depressed but I'm worried about just going on anti depressants.

Thank you so much everyone x

vegibean

If you've done ten months sober with no meds, you might not have to go on them, maybe just talking to a therapist will help you make some changes, it certainly helped me and I learned a lot of coping skills.

I'm starting again this Monday, and I'm looking forward to it. Good luck!

Anna

I had very similar feelings when I was in early recovery. Part of the reason I began to drink was to be able to 'manage' my life and do everything I thought I should be doing. It was a really hard lesson for me to learn that I only have to do what works well for me. I have friends who constantly on-the-go, who never pause and never take a break. That's not me and I don't want to be like that. I like solitude sometimes, I like reading a book quietly and wandering around while an idea forms in my head. My kids and grandchildren are my priority and I am clear about that. It's taken me many years to get to the point where I am okay with who I am, even though I may not fit the 'normal' mold.

Purplecatlover

Hypo, I'm sorry you are struggling.
I think it just goes with the territory. I have struggled with my emotions & anxiety.
I have found that the downs are becoming less potent.
I am a loner & very withdrawn still. I try to be outgoing but it feels forced.


I hope we can learn to accept ourselves & in time, become completely whole. :ghug3

IWillWin

I soooooo understand! I'm forced to be social for my work but I enjoy solitude tremendously. I treasure all of my alone time and stopped worrying about what anyone thinks about it but me.

Granted, I don't have anxiety issues and don't mind people - but I do choose more carefully who I spend my precious brain space on. I've gained this clarity in my sobriety and it's working for me so far. I've detached, with love, from some people and just generally find my busy life easier to manage now that I'm not concerned about making everyone else happy.

I will say that during my first 3 months or so I didn't want to talk to ANYONE. No one. Not even my mom. I attribute it to my brain healing and it was telling me to protect myself from outside stress so I listened because I was very scared of relapse. It worked. I didn't relapse. And at just about 5 months now things have improved.

Not sure if my experience is any help but just figured I'd share

EternalQ

Anna, thank you for your post. Though meant for Hypochondria it was generous and helped me very much.

Dee74

Hypo - I spent my first year or so wanting to be somewhere else in the journey or someone else entirely until someone pointed out that was pretty much what I did when drinking.

What if you're right where you need to be right now?

D

hypochondriac

Thank you everyone. I have decided to just accept that I am really struggling to do basic things right now and power on regardless. I'm not going to force myself to do stuff I don't want to do but some basic level of activity is necessary I think. I am slowly working through those emails this morning, I know I will feel better once they're done. I'll never get anywhere if I just stop doing things I find difficult.

That said though, one thing I think I have decided may have to go is AA. I would love to do the steps and all but I can't find a sponsor and the meetings are just not me. I don't do groups, I never have, and I think that is something I can accept. The idea of talking in front of a group of people terrifies the life out of me and it's not just because I don't want to be honest. I'm gonna go tonight but I think this one is just not me. Trying to fit in has never been my strong point. In a weird way I think AA is holding me back because I'm trying to force myself into something that doesn't fit me.

I have plenty of other stuff to be working on anyway and SR is my biggest support.

jobei

Hey you!

Thinking of you on this sunday morning... hope all is well today. Try to remember just how far you've come? Also, you know that these feelings come and go don't they? Take care today sis, go buy yourself something nice. That always cheers me up!

sugarbear1

You don't have to talk in a group. Maybe just say your name when asked who is new, so that afterwards, maybe someone will welcome you. That's all. Can you find a sponsor and work through those steps? Those steps helped me immensely!!

I felt the same in early recovery....and sometimes still do!!!

hypochondriac

Thank you Job and Sugarbear x I did think I would just go to meetings and make sure I ask for a sponsor each time... I have been doing that but no luck so far. I could try for longer maybe. I feel a bit out of place asking the women because I am bisexual and I feel like if they knew that they wouldn't like me. But I feel like I am doing something terribly wrong if I ask one of the men. I don't want to have to explain myself. I am out in every other aspect of my life so I don't know why that should bother me really. Such a stupid little thing to worry about.

fini

Hypo,

last time i felt like that, my doc said to do things that make me feel good.
i dismissed that as a simplistic platitude since it just sounds naive and like a "there, there, pat, pat, do something you like and you'll be fine."

but after a couple of days, i realized she hadn't said anything about doing stuff i like or enjoy, but had given me a prescription, a real prescription, for doing what made me feel good. took a different view to see that that's not the same as the hings i like/enjoy.

so i did and do a few things that i may or may not like to do just because i know i will feel good afterwards for having done them. they can be unpleasant things, but the effect is positive.

in the vein of you answering some of the mail...
it works for me.