What can I say really?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 2
What can I say really?
I have been married to my husband for going on 4 years. I have been with him for 6. We have a 5 year old and a 3 year old. Both boys. Both perfect. Two days ago I asked the husband to leave. He admitted to having a drinking problem last year after he was in a car accident and arrested. I was in denial. I told him that he was selfish and didn't have the desire to quit drinking, and that he didn't have a real problem. As time progressed, I noticed him acting slurry with his words. Or he would stumble as he walked through our house, even though I hadn't witnessed his drinking. Then I started finding empty bottles of liquor or beer cans laying around the yard, or house. I tried to brush it off but It became too much.
I finally asked him to leave after we had a ridiculous argument, and I realized the reason our argument was not being resolved was because he was drunk. I told him that everyday I was suspicious of him. Everyday I wondered what he drank on his way home. And I told him that he was making me feel like a crazy person.
My boys seem to be fine. They havent even asked about their daddy, and that is what is hurting the most but at the same time opening my eyes the most. They are so used to him just coming home and playing video games and completely avoiding us. They are so used to him being completely emotionally absent. I keep wondering if I am doing the right thing. I keep wondering if things could change. I know I want them to terribly but i know it is out of my hands.
Right now my husband is staying with his mother, and is 7 hours away. She too is in denial and doesn't understand how I can mistreat him soo badly.
I feel alone. I feel like I have failed at being a good wife. I feel like I am to blame. I just feel so sad.
I finally asked him to leave after we had a ridiculous argument, and I realized the reason our argument was not being resolved was because he was drunk. I told him that everyday I was suspicious of him. Everyday I wondered what he drank on his way home. And I told him that he was making me feel like a crazy person.
My boys seem to be fine. They havent even asked about their daddy, and that is what is hurting the most but at the same time opening my eyes the most. They are so used to him just coming home and playing video games and completely avoiding us. They are so used to him being completely emotionally absent. I keep wondering if I am doing the right thing. I keep wondering if things could change. I know I want them to terribly but i know it is out of my hands.
Right now my husband is staying with his mother, and is 7 hours away. She too is in denial and doesn't understand how I can mistreat him soo badly.
I feel alone. I feel like I have failed at being a good wife. I feel like I am to blame. I just feel so sad.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
There is a thread for families and partners here, you will find the heading on the main menu.
You are not crazy, he has a major problem. Do whatever you need to do to put yourself and the boys first.
You are not crazy, he has a major problem. Do whatever you need to do to put yourself and the boys first.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
Hey Skylit - welcome 
It would be wonderful if we could love someone out of addiction,. but sadly that's just not the case.
You have nothing to beat yourself up over or blame yourself for when it comes to your husbands addiction.
I had an incredible amount of love available to me - friends family partners - but I kept drinking... in spite of that love.
I'm glad I was left to stand on my own two feet - it was the beginnings of a long road road back for me.
You'll find a lot of support here. I hope you'll also check pout our Family and Friends forums too - there's a lot of support down there as well, from people who've been through this situation.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
It would be wonderful if we could love someone out of addiction,. but sadly that's just not the case.
You have nothing to beat yourself up over or blame yourself for when it comes to your husbands addiction.
I had an incredible amount of love available to me - friends family partners - but I kept drinking... in spite of that love.
I'm glad I was left to stand on my own two feet - it was the beginnings of a long road road back for me.
You'll find a lot of support here. I hope you'll also check pout our Family and Friends forums too - there's a lot of support down there as well, from people who've been through this situation.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
You're not mistreating him, you're simply taking good care of yourself and your kids. Let his mother deal with him, maybe after living with him a while her eyes will be opened. In the meantime, take good care of yourself and your kids. :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by Skylit 
I feel alone. I feel like I have failed at being a good wife. I feel like I am to blame. I just feel so sad.
All the best.
Bob R
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,064
You are doing the right thing. Your children have given you the answer to that.
My wife should have kicked me out. I am a very kind person, unless I drink and become abusive and unpredictable. She called the police on me. I had to completely admit the error of my ways, and your husband has clearly not reached that point.
From the AA Big Book, 4th ed. p. 549:
"I had no rights. Society can do anything it chooses with me when I am drunk, and I can't lift a finger to stop it, for I forfeit my rights through the simple expedient of being a menace to myself and to the people around me."
My wife should have kicked me out. I am a very kind person, unless I drink and become abusive and unpredictable. She called the police on me. I had to completely admit the error of my ways, and your husband has clearly not reached that point.
From the AA Big Book, 4th ed. p. 549:
"I had no rights. Society can do anything it chooses with me when I am drunk, and I can't lift a finger to stop it, for I forfeit my rights through the simple expedient of being a menace to myself and to the people around me."
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
Nope, you're doing the right thing, and BTW, you're getting these responses from the addicts, you know that, right??? 
Don't feel bad, you have to take care of you and your boys, as it is, it sounds like he's been absent the entire time. I hope he gets help, and I REALLY wish he'd do it for his children, if not for himself, they need him.
He's an idiot, IMO, sorry, not to sound harsh, but his kids... I feel badly for them too.
Don't feel bad, you have to take care of you and your boys, as it is, it sounds like he's been absent the entire time. I hope he gets help, and I REALLY wish he'd do it for his children, if not for himself, they need him.
He's an idiot, IMO, sorry, not to sound harsh, but his kids... I feel badly for them too.
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