ZiggyB

Okay
So I called the ex to ask him to remove our vacation photos and all the lovey pictures of the two of us from his website. I cannot say why, but knowing they are there along with the pictures of his new chippie is tormenting me about now. Somehow I think it's inappropriate. I told him I know it is time for us to move on but if he could do this one thing it would really help me...

He told me in return that it's his life, and he will do whatever he wants to do and I should just stay out of it and not call him again.

I know he's right so I'll have to suffer through the indiginity of it all. I hate being associated with this man now.

And I am sorry I called him but I was hoping he would just do something I asked him to do, for once.

So I need to stop driving myself crazy over this, don't you think?

lillamy

Yes, you do. And unless they're terribly inappropriate pictures that could be detrimental to your career, let it go.

LadySage

chippie. hah! I like that one

Maybe don't visit the website? My ex also had one with pictures of me on it and newer girls...had to force myself just not to go there.

ZiggyB

Thanks yeah, I am trying...
This is one thing I hate about the internet. I had been doing a fairly good job of staying away from it all until recently and now I'm in a big snit over it all. Why would he even want photos of me around if I am the stupid b*tch he has told everyone I am? I think I need more therapy.... lol

ReflectingOnMe

Oh Ziggy, bless your heart. I knew with my exabf that I couldn't tempt myself by keeping my facebook account active. I'd have creeped his page and her page all day. I blocked them both and then deleted my account. I erased every speck of him. His phone was on my account and I suspended the service (he was using it to cheat..I'd be d***ed if I had to pay for 3 more months of his phone until his contract expire date and be paying for him to woo her). I deleted my email account.

I understand that contacting him today hurt you and opened up some wounds. Take a moment and think of what you truly gained today = you were reminded that he has no empathy for you. Hopefully, his callousness of your request cemented what you already know; You are better off without him!

hugs your way

ZiggyB

Yeah it is not too surprising, considering "It's my life and I will do whatever I want" and him not caring about my feelings was pretty much the theme of our entire relationship. :-P

dollydo

If you don't look, you can't see. IMO, he will delete you soon, his new main squeeze will also be upset that the pictures are there...patience...this too shall pass.

ZiggyB

I am kinda hoping for that!

I know I need to stop caring. The internet is a pain in the arse. I do not have photos of any of my exes anywhere and if I did I would certainly take them down after we broke up, so I guess I just don't understand the need to do that.

Said

Oh, Ziggy, sorry for that. I was looking at Facebook too for a little while, until I realized it's just a kind of phoney blab-fest and that you could really put anything on it and look great, even if you weren't-sort of the whole MO of the alcoholic in the first place-looking good on the outside, covering up the inside. I also realized that I'd be doing o.k. and just take a peek, and all the recovery work I had done would just come tumbling down. It's just not worth it. As for his comments, he's just being as nasty as he can because you are trying to be real with him, and honest (vulnerable) and mature. He's leaving both sets of pictures up to show how little he cares (and what a stud he is). Also, have you ever heard the adage (for want of a better word) that the alcoholic stays at the same maturity level he had reached upon beginning his addiction, and does not progress further? My therapist told me that. In my case, I was saddled with a 55-year-old with the maturity level of a 14-year-old.
SCARY.
Keep up the good work, and sc**w him.
Off to my Al-Anon meeting!

ZiggyB

Said-
I think he's just leaving the photos of me up there because he wants to prove to the world and any future prospects what a swell guy he is. Anyway what can you do...

LexieCat

Maybe his new girlfriend is like THIS.

ZiggyB

Lexie...
LMAO she looks REALLY young and kind of like a deranged elf. Whoever she is, I feel sorry for her unless she likes putting up with endless amounts of B.S.

Tellmenolies

Iam pretty sure he needs permission to post on fb so u can send a complaint saing he has none .

ZiggyB

Hi
It isn't on FB but I will check the site he is using, thanks for that!

TakingCharge999

Lately I have wondered why I have some ethics and never in 10 years of IT did I feel the need to learn to hack something. I wish I could hack the page for you and add some sarcastic commentary instead, or just some links to Rehab and Mental Health hospitals for him and a link to "you think you are special" sticky parts I and II, for any girlfriends in the future.

Well, we can imagine that is what happened

Ziggy, the man you describe is just like XABF. He also said "it was his life and he could do whatever he wanted" and he also stated he planned to drink forever. NOTHING like the guy I thought I knew before.

Deep down in my heart I feel sad for active addicts. Honestly. Its very sad and they may be fooling people, but in the end the truth always shows. I imagine XABF's volatile temper with alcohol and his Holier Than Thou attitude, I am just glad God saved me from being there to witness the trainwreck or to be impacted even more by this. So eventhough I know how much you are hurting, I am grateful with God you are no longer close to someone like this man. He seems deeply troubled. I feel we are lucky to be in the path to recovery and health and to have survived this- I mean, I used to be XABF's copilot in his worst nights. I could have been a DUI casualty easily. WE have been blessed with a new chance, I am sure, even when it hurts like hell at first.

Hugs :ghug3

ZiggyB

Hi TC-
Yes they do sound a lot alike. I think one thing that makes me the most angry and irritated is the whole back and forth over it all and how he said he would cut back on his drinking and smoking and would for a while, but it never stuck. Angry, controlling, manipulative & the whole nine yards.

I really wish I had never met him and it isn't too often I say that about an exbf, usually just the really mean ones, lol!

Seren

Oh, Ziggy; I'm sorry! I know this bothers you. If it were me, I would stay as far away from his website and anything else to do with him. I mean, if it bothers you to run into him at lunch and and before and after work....please don't go looking at his website!

How is the change in routine working out for you, by the way? Has it helped?

ZiggyB

Hi Hydrogirl,
thanks. I did not run into him this week so that is helpful. I will stop going to his site, because I know it is not helping me. I did read some old journal entries and it was amazing how he was always flipping out at me...

Tuffgirl

I'm glad the change in routine helped this past week, Ziggy. I know the "no contact" stuff is really hard. It took me a looonnnggg time to let go completely. And when I did, it was such a necessity that I let go that I went as far as avoiding certain areas where I know he frequented, looking for his car in the grocery store parking lot before I'd go in, etc. I blocked him and anyone associated with him on email and FB. I mean, it was an effort to create my little bubble of safety around me so I could heal from the craziness of this relationship.

But I am so glad I did, and rode out the hurt and grief, and am now moving on with a bright future ahead of me.

Try to stop torturing yourself and let it all go. All of it. Trust me - you'll be so glad you did.

ZiggyB

Hi Tuffgirl,
Thanks I am trying.... I know if I don't let go I am just making myself miserable