LadySage

I recently found out that my AH had sent a message to a girl on facebook saying to a girl he knew something like the following:

"Hey you sexy little paramedic, remember when I was wearing that tapout shirt and you mauled me outside a bar and we made out in the car?" She responded with some acknowledging comment. He's later went to her apartment to do some "side work". she has a boyfriend so I don't think they did anything.

I was at his apartment the night he wrote that message, sleeping next to him in his bed, we were dating, he was sober. I feel like it was highly inappropriate and speaks to the fact that he has little respect for me (who he would often question about being faithful).

He has also been face booking other females and deleting messages from his phone lately but in an active alcoholic state.

I feel like this behavior is untrustworthy and really points to who he is as a person....it's not just the booze.

After learning this I don't know that I believe even sobriety will help how I now view him.

Would you work on it?

Joe Nerv

I'd say trust your feelings. And if by work on it you mean the relationship, if it were me, absolutely not.

Sasha4

No and I would not work on it either.

If he is typing something on Facebook that he is not prepared to show you, that is cheating.
Whether it is in cyberspace or not it does not matter.

Be a strong woman and put your foot down and state that behaviour is unacceptable, hurtful and you will not tolerate it.

And drink is certainly no excuse for behaving in that way.

ReflectingOnMe

I believe my inner voice is always right and when I choose to ignore it; it bites!

LadySage

I did have to sneak into his Facebook to find some of this out (I've never done that in a relationship before or felt I needed to). I know that isn't healthy but I just really felt that I needed to know what was going on and that he would not own up to this since as it is not physical he thinks nothing inappropriate has happened.

redatlanta

Uh no. Drunk or sober cheating is cheating......hte last thing I would care to take as the booze is more than enough.

LadySage

Thank you for that, I do feel like a lot of his behaviors get attributed to drinking. He has said some really awful things about my character too and I have told myself that his sober self wouldn't do that but I think that is letting him off the hook to easy.

Redheadsusie

Trsut your Gut- I agree with these ladies.......So sorry

LadySage

Does that qualify as cheating to you?
He says he hasn't ever done anything physically and I haven't really found explicit messages other than the one.
Although he did set up a drink/dinner date with another woman a day after I told him I was leaving.

Fandy

getting "mauled" and making out in a car certainly is physical...and sending messages to another woman while you are in bed with him?
UGH, he is not worth your time or energy...What a Slug!

make sure he pays you child support.

FireSprite

It would to me - emotional cheating is not much different in my book from a physical affair.

Sounds like he's showing you all the signs that he's moving on to his next conquest without regard for your feelings or the fact that you're still together. Why stick around & let him call the shots?

LadySage

I'm definitely leaving. What's hard for me is leaving his potential and letting go of the possibility that his sober self is a loving and kind man who cares about my feelings. This kind of stuff is making me doubt his potential.

LadySage

The getting mauled stuff happened way before he met me but yeah, talking about it while we were in bed was just gross.

Redheadsusie

I have been back and forth and with my AH for 13 years - waiting on promises and potential and possibilites- I would hate for you to waste any more time on this fellow and end up looking back like me and saying what was I thinking- he is who he is............ I finally am moving forward - he has been gone for over a month and I will not go back come Hell or High Water............Hugs.............. :ghug3

ReflectingOnMe

I think emotionally cheating is just as bad, if not worse than the physical kind. Physical you can always hope that it was an emotionally charged confused moment that lead to it. You can forgive it. Emotional cheating is done 24/7. It takes well thoughout actions, deceit, timing, hiding the tracks.

Think of what YOUR potential is!
hugs to you

redatlanta

Cheating? I suppose under the webster's definition no.

Under Redatlanta's definition it does. Why? cause that's where its headed. I have no desire personally to be in any relationship where I have to police my mate. Period.

His "sober loving self" sent that message while you were sleeping next to him.

Done the cheater type once - your post was a reminder - oh yes the nights of waking up while asleep to the lap top being slammed down only to find out he was chatting up some other woman. Just the tip of the iceberg.

Give me a faithful alkie anyday.

suki44883

Whether he has actually slept with someone else or not, he is showing little regard for your feelings. I wouldn't stay in a relationship with someone I felt like I had to spy on or check up on what he's been doing. There is no relationship without trust and the fact that he often questions you about being faithful signals that he has trust issues, also.

I think you can do better.

lillamy

No.

Katiekate

Would that behavior be appropriate for you???

LadySage

I think he would freak out if I had messaged some guy saying "remember the hat I was wearing when you came up and groped me on the couch".

LOL