Accountability and me
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Accountability and me
Without realizing it I was holding my partner accountable for me staying sober. I would convince him we could go drink one more day. Then one more after that. All the while in my heart blaming him for my life's uncertainty due to drinking and drugs.
Fact is he may have asked for drugs but never called to get them. I did. If I wanted to stay sober I had my choice to make.
This morning.... Before work... I came clean. I told him that I hold him accountable for our drinking.
That's not right and I know it. But I could never see it before. It was to convenient for me to continue my behavior with a willing participant.
Sharing this with him gives us both a better chance without manipulation. Without deceit. With honesty about intentions.
I was never ever a blame guy. If something happens I deal with the outcome and adjust more than try to go back in time and blame. It's more productive and I move through issues quicker.
I just sometimes don't apply that logic to myself. I don't blame myself but I must be accountable to myself. Not look back in time but forward to move through the issues I have resulting from all my years of self abuse. Time to be honest about where my intentions are. Hell... What they are.
Being sober reveals them so easily and much more clearly than when drinking. Duh! But that's not a duh! It's a lesson I am just learning. I never gave sobriety a chance enough to show me anything.
So I am being accountable to ken today. A day one of sorts. Another little chip placed in the mosaic.
Fact is he may have asked for drugs but never called to get them. I did. If I wanted to stay sober I had my choice to make.
This morning.... Before work... I came clean. I told him that I hold him accountable for our drinking.
That's not right and I know it. But I could never see it before. It was to convenient for me to continue my behavior with a willing participant.
Sharing this with him gives us both a better chance without manipulation. Without deceit. With honesty about intentions.
I was never ever a blame guy. If something happens I deal with the outcome and adjust more than try to go back in time and blame. It's more productive and I move through issues quicker.
I just sometimes don't apply that logic to myself. I don't blame myself but I must be accountable to myself. Not look back in time but forward to move through the issues I have resulting from all my years of self abuse. Time to be honest about where my intentions are. Hell... What they are.
Being sober reveals them so easily and much more clearly than when drinking. Duh! But that's not a duh! It's a lesson I am just learning. I never gave sobriety a chance enough to show me anything.
So I am being accountable to ken today. A day one of sorts. Another little chip placed in the mosaic.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,635
Great post!
My partner drinks, but I cannot use this as an excuse to drink myself. I have to be accountable to myself or I am miserable. I need to be able to stay sober no matter what the situation is.
My partner drinks, but I cannot use this as an excuse to drink myself. I have to be accountable to myself or I am miserable. I need to be able to stay sober no matter what the situation is.
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
I agree E888. Just I was not. It was not until he said something last night that made me realize what I was doing. I have to say I feel lighter than air this morning because of this understanding. Like I can focus only on me now.
Not sure that makes sense but I am feeling very good with being honest. With both of us.
Not sure that makes sense but I am feeling very good with being honest. With both of us.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
