Hello SR, today I finally went to a meeting.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 443
Hello SR, today I finally went to a meeting.
Hello there folks--
I just thought I'd stop by with good news for a change. I am only 3 days with out a drink today---
However! After having a fight with my husband and going out to the bar, coming home (?) at lord knows when, waking up with a splitting headache, anxiety from the lowest depths of hell, a complete inability to sleep, increasing nausea--and then having to go pick my son up from school in this ridiculous condition, bringing him home and laying on the couch for for the rest of the afternoon and evening while he played with lego and watched cartoons, and I, barfed in the bathroom ( I know, Mother of the Year award.)---I decided that enough was enough and I finally marched myself to an A.A meeting before I could change my mind.
I have stated here in the past my "problems" with the program, but I think I really need other people's support in person to really quit drinking.
I was pretty freaked out to go inside, because it was supposed to be a womens group but it was a special occasion and there were about 35-40 people there, which sent my social anxiety skyrocketing to the moon, but I did it and I went in anyway.
That's all for now.
Cheers.
I just thought I'd stop by with good news for a change. I am only 3 days with out a drink today---
However! After having a fight with my husband and going out to the bar, coming home (?) at lord knows when, waking up with a splitting headache, anxiety from the lowest depths of hell, a complete inability to sleep, increasing nausea--and then having to go pick my son up from school in this ridiculous condition, bringing him home and laying on the couch for for the rest of the afternoon and evening while he played with lego and watched cartoons, and I, barfed in the bathroom ( I know, Mother of the Year award.)---I decided that enough was enough and I finally marched myself to an A.A meeting before I could change my mind.
I have stated here in the past my "problems" with the program, but I think I really need other people's support in person to really quit drinking.
I was pretty freaked out to go inside, because it was supposed to be a womens group but it was a special occasion and there were about 35-40 people there, which sent my social anxiety skyrocketing to the moon, but I did it and I went in anyway.
That's all for now.
Cheers.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,746
Glad you went in.
Don't let your anxiety stop you. They're a good group of people in those rooms and there's not much they haven't already heard. They are there to help you so don't be afraid.
Don't let your anxiety stop you. They're a good group of people in those rooms and there's not much they haven't already heard. They are there to help you so don't be afraid. 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
Congratulations! As a mother myself I'm feeling like I owe it to my son to be the best mother I can; he didn't ask to be brought in to the world; I chose this for him. I also owe it to myself; I am worth it too!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 443
Hello and good morning. I had planned on going to a meeting today, but I've woken up with a really bad cold or the flu. Fortunately, I won't feel like drinking while I'm sick--unless a random stranger appeared at the door with a hot toddy---low probability on that one.
I am seeing the wisdom of going to a lot of meetings in the beginning, especially in the beginning when it's so easy for my mind to slip back to thinking that my drinking is "no big deal," which happens usually a few days after I've recovered from a terrible hangover.
So, I guess I should just post here until I feel better? What should be my next move?
I am seeing the wisdom of going to a lot of meetings in the beginning, especially in the beginning when it's so easy for my mind to slip back to thinking that my drinking is "no big deal," which happens usually a few days after I've recovered from a terrible hangover.
So, I guess I should just post here until I feel better? What should be my next move?
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 443
Originally Posted by veryready 
Don't bring any booze in your house and don't go where any is being served or sold. Sounds simple, but I know that it's not easy.
I'm not trying to be glib, but my dependency I think is primarily psychological--my desire is the most intense during social situations, or in the evening when my husband comes home with beer--However, so far in alcohol abuse career, I've never had the desire to drink while sick.
I just really don't want my brain to slip back into it's "no big deal" mentality, because while I may not be drinking all day everyday or going on week long drinking binges--I would say that 85-90 percent of the time I drink socially it goes off the rails... even though I reportedly don't do anything outrageous, I don't remember walking home the last 4 times I drank. I believe this is because I suffer from Social Anxiety--but I'm realizing now that discovering the cause isn't going to help me moderate.
However at this point I think I'm done making distinctions or discussing labels like "alcoholic." Picking up my son from school and then laying on the couch all day with a stinking, immobilizing hangover while I let him watch cartoons is completely, and totally, unacceptable.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi Gforce23
I like your attitude. While you are bed ridden, I would suggest listening to AA speakers online. Early on sobriety I listened constantly to recovery material to reinforce my commitment to sobriety. I am sorry I don't have a link at the moment just google XA speakers.
All the best
Caihong
I like your attitude. While you are bed ridden, I would suggest listening to AA speakers online. Early on sobriety I listened constantly to recovery material to reinforce my commitment to sobriety. I am sorry I don't have a link at the moment just google XA speakers.
All the best
Caihong
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: London
Posts: 1,010
Hope you are feeling better. I had a lot of colds & infections when I quit. I still think alcohol was preserving me, as I had 2 months of niggles & sniffles. You sound so positive. I loved reading that you went to a packed, mixed class and survived. All I can say is social anxiety is NOT permanent. I wish I could transfer this wonderful feeling of calm and at-easeness I have with myself now so you know what is to come.
I don't even know you, but I'm proud of you
S x
I don't even know you, but I'm proud of you
S x
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 443
BTW--by "primarily" psychological, I mean that I don't "need" alcohol to get through my day, and when I don't drink for a few days, I don't suffer withdrawals--at least not in the classic sense. I do have a wicked hangover complete with panic attacks for about a day.
For some reason in the middle of the week when my husband comes home with a 6 pack, I can and do have one or two and call it a night--though in all honesty I think that lately I've been drinking or wanting to drink more in the mid-week evenings than I'd like to admit.
My binge drinking is generally regulated to 1 night--(once or twice in my life I've fallen asleep at my party til-you drop friends house and woken up to drunken dancing and had one or two because well, if you can't beat 'em, i.e, sleep, join em'.)
I think though I can't seem to control my drinking reliably during social situations, my body is very sensitive to alcohol and I'll almost always just pass out at some point before the morning. It has rarely occurred to me to have a "hair of the dog" drink, but for the aforementioned occasions. I wake up with heinous hangovers. Awful like I'm going to die, or at least death might be a merciful option. I chain-smoke when I drink, and I don't normally smoke, so this may have something to do with it.
A really good friend of mine that went off the radar screen for a while told me while we were catching up that she had quit drinking 4 years ago. I ask every one who tells me this "why" because of course I'm trying to sort myself out. She said it was "life or death" and that she had to drink just to get through work. I told her my situation, and she said, "I remember G, you used to get really horrible hangovers, but I don't know if you're an alcoholic. When I use to listen to people like you in the rooms, I just couldn't understand how people came in who "chose" to quit drinking--for me it was a matter of life and death."
I don't know if it's a matter of life or death with me or not. I do know that I am damaging my health and my possibly my reputation. I know that my stomach has been very painful the last handful of times I've woken up after being wasted. It feels like the lining is irritated or like I'm getting or I'm exacerbating an ulcer, and that's scary.
I do know that being sick with a hangover while taking care of my son is just...wrong, sad, and completely antithetical to the person and the mother I want to be.
I love my son, and I try hard to be a good mother. I try not to yell, I try to strategize when behaviors arise, I listen, and I play with him, and I love him. When I am parenting hungover, or being tipsy in front of him at a dinner party, I feel like I've negated all of the above.
Just thought I'd clarify my thoughts on the statement I made.
For some reason in the middle of the week when my husband comes home with a 6 pack, I can and do have one or two and call it a night--though in all honesty I think that lately I've been drinking or wanting to drink more in the mid-week evenings than I'd like to admit.
My binge drinking is generally regulated to 1 night--(once or twice in my life I've fallen asleep at my party til-you drop friends house and woken up to drunken dancing and had one or two because well, if you can't beat 'em, i.e, sleep, join em'.)
I think though I can't seem to control my drinking reliably during social situations, my body is very sensitive to alcohol and I'll almost always just pass out at some point before the morning. It has rarely occurred to me to have a "hair of the dog" drink, but for the aforementioned occasions. I wake up with heinous hangovers. Awful like I'm going to die, or at least death might be a merciful option. I chain-smoke when I drink, and I don't normally smoke, so this may have something to do with it.
A really good friend of mine that went off the radar screen for a while told me while we were catching up that she had quit drinking 4 years ago. I ask every one who tells me this "why" because of course I'm trying to sort myself out. She said it was "life or death" and that she had to drink just to get through work. I told her my situation, and she said, "I remember G, you used to get really horrible hangovers, but I don't know if you're an alcoholic. When I use to listen to people like you in the rooms, I just couldn't understand how people came in who "chose" to quit drinking--for me it was a matter of life and death."
I don't know if it's a matter of life or death with me or not. I do know that I am damaging my health and my possibly my reputation. I know that my stomach has been very painful the last handful of times I've woken up after being wasted. It feels like the lining is irritated or like I'm getting or I'm exacerbating an ulcer, and that's scary.
I do know that being sick with a hangover while taking care of my son is just...wrong, sad, and completely antithetical to the person and the mother I want to be.
I love my son, and I try hard to be a good mother. I try not to yell, I try to strategize when behaviors arise, I listen, and I play with him, and I love him. When I am parenting hungover, or being tipsy in front of him at a dinner party, I feel like I've negated all of the above.
Just thought I'd clarify my thoughts on the statement I made.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 443
Originally Posted by Sazzle
Hope you are feeling better. I had a lot of colds & infections when I quit. I still think alcohol was preserving me, as I had 2 months of niggles & sniffles. You sound so positive. I loved reading that you went to a packed, mixed class and survived. All I can say is social anxiety is NOT permanent. I wish I could transfer this wonderful feeling of calm and at-easeness I have with myself now so you know what is to come.
I don't even know you, but I'm proud of you
S x
I don't even know you, but I'm proud of you
S x
And also to be perfectly honest, there was no chair to sit on, I hid in a corner on the floor, and I didn't share. It was a "cake" event--sobriety birthday? I don't know, so the whole meeting was about a particular woman. I had been having a really, crappy day and was feeling really miserable, but I didn't want to take away from her celebration, and in the end, I'm glad I just went and listened.
I talked to one woman afterword, shook like a leaf, and left. But I was starting to feel really sick with this cold anyway. For a start, it was o.k.
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