Payne

When I started my recovery I was calm and controlled. I had a plan back then I always had a plan. Then as I started to open my eyes I was forced to open my heart. During this phase I heard someone tell me "the more you learn kindness to yourself the more you learn hatred towards others" that was a turning point in that part of my recovery. I started to try and release the hate and anger.

Well, in releasing the anger and fight I seem to have lose my drive, and my spirit. I was feisty I was a go-getter, and now I just exist, contentedly, but none the less I already regret this. Lord knows what it will do to me later. I try to do lists. I try reward systems. I try internal and external encouragement. I plan, I try to be spontaneous I can't break the flatline I seem to have. When once I was an energizer bunny now I'm a wind up toy who doesn't know how to wind. Has anyone had this issue. Do you have any advice for how.I can work to find that. Or just any success stories. Is this Norma? Does this pass?

DefofLov

I don't understand. What is it about releasing your anger that caused you to lose your energy and flatline.

It sounds like you are stuck. Am I misunderstanding you? Can you elaborate? What are you doing now for your recovery? Is the "plan" getting in your way?

Payne

My anger was my drive and my push, it was that voice in my head that had to prove them wrong.

DavidG

Hmmm... I think we all have to have anger, fear and pain in order to survive...

the trouble is when this is misplaced... there has to be some drive- goals and vision...

...what I do is try to keep sharing from the heart...

"a flowing stream will clear in time"

DavidG.

DefofLov

That sounds good David. Sharing openly and honestly.

For me...what drives me more than anything is hope. Hope for happiness. Hope for better days. I keep working my program because I believe with all of my heart that I can be happy, joyous, and free if I do the work.

What do you believe in? Can you now do it for yourself instead of proving them wrong? Can you keep pushing forward because you believe in better days? For you?



Lily

Kialua

I understand that passion too. I replaced it with Politics and Church. And volunteer work in my kids school, all while owning my own business. Channel that passion for another cause you believe in, one you feel is an underdog so to speak, and needs your help.

Payne

No. I can't yet do it for myself. That's the problem. Hopefully as my recovery progresses

BethS

"the more you learn kindness to yourself the more you learn hatred towards others" - I really don't get that. What am I missing?

Other than that, you're saying you've lost your motivation. So what could be your new one, if you thought about it?

tromboneliness

You say that like it's a bad thing! At this point, a contented, stable life would sound pretty good. I also don't get the "the more you learn kindness to yourself the more you learn hatred towards others." First of all, I don't think it's true -- certainly not in my experience -- and if it were, why would it be good?

I vote for contentment!

T

Payne

It was a comment as to how I was acting and what really pulled my attention to dealing with my anger. I was in a place where I began to see how I should treat myself and how I had been wronged. And I began to treat myself better and others with less compassion. My anger over ran me for a while. I suspect that trait will never fully be gone from me but it feels like a passive side now.

And I get how you feel about wanting a contented life. I spent years praying for that. And don't get me wrong its not bad. However, there are thongs I want to do with my life like owning my own business and I need to locate that push to accomplish it.

EveningRose

You said you once found your drive from the anger, the desire to prove people wrong. Is it possible you were pursuing things that weren't your true passion and calling? What is it you love to do?

I do know that on the infidelity board I go to, they talk about the plain of lethal flatness that many (most?) betrayed spouses enter after the anger stage. Maybe in the process of healing, we all go through that?

Payne

Opening the business is my true passion. I have dog training certification. I trained my youngest to be a demo dog and were halfway to her being a therapy dog and I just stopped. I've never been more truly happy than when me and her were doing our thing. So I know what I want to pursue is what I truly want.

The thought of "lethal flatness" seems kind of like that. I don't hate my life, I just don't have any drive. And I know I want these things I just can't get there. I've tried breaking it down into smaller jobs over time and I just don't get there. Maybe it is part of the healing and in a year or two ill find myself spunky as ever.

LindaLiLi

Have you been screened for depression?

Payne

Yes, I have and we found that st John's wort 27/30 days a month works fabulously. I pushed very hard for something more natural and it has made a major difference in my recovery. The other three days were working on, when my hormones peak I get pmdd my ob and I are working on it.