BlackandWhite

New to recovery that is... Not the living with an AH. My husband was high functioning when he was drinking. I think most of the people that know what we have been through in the last couple months are shocked that there was a problem. He has had some major health issues. He spent most of this past year in the hospital with some pretty serious health issues. The most serious coming in December when he went in to detox. He spent 3 weeks in ICU with some of the craziest scariest things happening. I honestly didn't know if he would come out of it. He was on a respirator for a week and a half. He had internal bleeding and on Christmas day I spent waiting for him to come out of surgery. He came home just before New Years. I love him with all my heart. We have 4 beautiful children and one grandson. He is very motivated to stay sober. He goes to AA and has reached out to some friends that have been supportive. I am going to Ala Non and trying to work on me. I come here to read. Honestly - I am shocked at how much I have in common with all of you!! There were times when I thought I was crazy. I love my new sober husband. He seems more relaxed and happier. I am praying that he can do this.

LexieCat

Oh, boy, does your post take me back! My second husband went into the hospital for pneumonia, no one there knew how much he was drinking, and after flipping out calling me on the phone about the secret cameras in the wall and the FBI being after him, he went into a coma for two weeks, almost died, looked like he had been dipped in yellow food coloring, and had 40 quarts of ascites drained from his abdomen. He was told he would need a liver transplant (with no insurance).

Turned out when they finally did the biopsy he had EARLY cirrhosis and would be just fine if he quit drinking for good. Sadly, he went back to it and is still drinking himself to death (I finally had to leave because I could not go through that again).

I'm glad your husband is motivated, and hope he grabs onto AA with all he's got. He's very lucky, but he's got a lot of work ahead of him.

During those scary, sad times, and when I was facing up to having to finally leave him, Al-Anon was my lifeline--so glad you're getting into that.

BTW, just by way of contrast, my FIRST alcoholic husband has been sober 33 years--never went back. He is a great guy and I am very proud of what he has accomplished in his life with his recovery. There IS hope--for the alcoholic and for the partners!

Welcome, glad you are here with us.

BlackandWhite

I dropped him off on a Monday at a detox center and didn't hear from him at all. I was worried. I got a call the following Monday letting me know he had been brought to the hospital for his pneumonia!! I had no idea. He has Crones and arthritis and has been on steroids for years and has no immune system. I knew that alone was not going to end well. They told me not to bother going to the hospital an hour away. I was very worried and called the nurse at the treatment center and she told me to call the hospital. I called and the nurse there told me he was asking for me. That was that. I went to the hospital with my 24 year old daughter. I was totally unprepared for what I found. He kept telling me to hide the gun. He was saying somebody was going to shoot him. He was thinking "they" were plotting against them. It was horrible. This went on for weeks. Crazy!! I will never do that again. Next time he is on his own. Can't do it. Him being so sick has put this out in the open for me. This alone will help ME get better and stronger. I love him with all my heart but this past year has been so lonely. I think that is the worst for me. I know he loves me. We have such a great family. I can't imagine being apart from him. I have been with him since I was 16 years old. It will be 30 years in March.

thislonelygirl

Glad you found us and welcome to sr and yes our stories once you read them mirror our own.
You are not alone we all to one point or another understand.
I want to add Congrats to your hubbys sobreity and you going to alanon.

LexieCat

Yeah, it's very scary to see someone you love go totally psychotic. LOL, just to add to my ex's paranoia, apparently they brought in an inmate from the jail, so there WERE guards with guns in the wing--I'm sure that didn't help any!

I was very loving and patient throughout his recovery (which took a few months--his liver was not functioning properly for quite a while, which causes excess ammonia in the blood and causes the person to act exactly like someone with advanced Alzheimer's). When he went back to it, though, I said I was only doing it once and not going through it again when he refused to help himself. I only have one deathbed vigil in me per alcoholic.

BlackandWhite

My hubby thought everyone was plotting against him. We were leaving the hospital one night and we were breaking down what he was saying and it was all about AA he thought they were a cult and were going to do experiments on him. He kept saying his doctor was the head of Al Qaeda!! He did not have the yellow skin from liver damage although I can't imagine that he hasn't done some damage. I honestly feel that his next drink will kill him. I won't be sticking around to find out. I am going to get stronger so that I can live my life and I am praying it will be with him in it.

LexieCat

Must be scary to be inside that head during one of those episodes--can you imagine what it must be like to feel you're inside some Bourne Identity or something and it's really happening?

So how are you making out with Al-Anon so far?

BlackandWhite

So far so good. I mostly go and listen. I don't share because I cannot get through it without getting emotional right now. I am seeing some of the things that I need to work on for me. I did get the The Courage to Change book last night. I found a group where I feel comfortable. I have some feelings I need to sort out.

LexieCat

Well, all of those are GOOD things. Don't worry about keeping it all together when you share. Lots of us, especially when we are doing it for the first time, get sorta shaky and teary--it goes along with actually SAYING stuff that we have been holding inside for so long. It's really, really good, though, to let that stuff out. Not that you have to share everything inside you--that's pretty much what having a sponsor is for--but if you share a little bit about yourself and what's going on with you, not only will you feel better (as we say, "we are only as sick as our secrets"), but other people will get to know you as a person. Nobody will judge you--we've all been right where you are.