Steps forward, steps back
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Steps forward, steps back
Here's what I'm feeling led to work on right now in my life (please share yours, and your thoughts about it).
For me, it seems to be a lot about TRUST right now. And about CONTROL.
~ My relationship with my HP. I've spent a lot of time talking at my HP. Now, I'm spending time listening.
~ Trying to not control outcomes. A handful of big huge things in my life are up in the air. I could drive myself crazy trying to control the uncontrollable. I find that focusing on right here, right now takes me out of trying to control the future and makes life enjoyable.
~Trusting others to handle their own emotions. It's a struggle for me to not think ahead and protect people I love from potentially having their feelings hurt or having a hard time. Acknowledging their other-ness and human-ness as separate from me helps me treat them with respect and not try to save them from situations they may or may not be able to handle, but acknowledge that the situations are theirs to handle as they see fit, not mine.
~Being present. It's not worry, but it's the constant living in the future and constant planning that I feel is taking away from my enjoying life, and I think it's just the habit of worrying that I've continued. So instead of enjoying dinner and chatting with the kids, I'm planning in my mind in which order they should do their homework and what I'm making for dinner tomorrow. Again, it's about control. About trying to control the outcome of tomorrow (or the next half-hour).
What are you working on?
For me, it seems to be a lot about TRUST right now. And about CONTROL.
~ My relationship with my HP. I've spent a lot of time talking at my HP. Now, I'm spending time listening.
~ Trying to not control outcomes. A handful of big huge things in my life are up in the air. I could drive myself crazy trying to control the uncontrollable. I find that focusing on right here, right now takes me out of trying to control the future and makes life enjoyable.
~Trusting others to handle their own emotions. It's a struggle for me to not think ahead and protect people I love from potentially having their feelings hurt or having a hard time. Acknowledging their other-ness and human-ness as separate from me helps me treat them with respect and not try to save them from situations they may or may not be able to handle, but acknowledge that the situations are theirs to handle as they see fit, not mine.
~Being present. It's not worry, but it's the constant living in the future and constant planning that I feel is taking away from my enjoying life, and I think it's just the habit of worrying that I've continued. So instead of enjoying dinner and chatting with the kids, I'm planning in my mind in which order they should do their homework and what I'm making for dinner tomorrow. Again, it's about control. About trying to control the outcome of tomorrow (or the next half-hour).
What are you working on?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 222
Being Independent financially and emotionally.
Letting Go of blame on myself and on others.
Enjoying food Seriously I lost about 100 lbs a year ago...Damn I love food.
Going back on the healthy eating train after I enjoy a few more choco ice creams
Figure my Self Out Why do I accept less than I deserve? , Why do I allow myself to love those that are incapable of loving me back. Why do I desire the bad boy and find all the others to be boring?
Letting Go of blame on myself and on others.
Enjoying food Seriously I lost about 100 lbs a year ago...Damn I love food.
Going back on the healthy eating train after I enjoy a few more choco ice creams
Figure my Self Out Why do I accept less than I deserve? , Why do I allow myself to love those that are incapable of loving me back. Why do I desire the bad boy and find all the others to be boring?
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Oooh, you guys have good ones!
Humility Quit worrying so much about what other people think of me, and concentrate on the job to be done.
Do it I've got the "Easy Does It" down pat.
Honesty I can still spin a mean rationalization.
Getting out of my rut Planning an exciting trip for this spring with some new activities--ALL BY MYSELF.
Humility Quit worrying so much about what other people think of me, and concentrate on the job to be done.
Do it I've got the "Easy Does It" down pat.
Honesty I can still spin a mean rationalization.
Getting out of my rut Planning an exciting trip for this spring with some new activities--ALL BY MYSELF.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 391
Lillamy,
You have written my list for me. Thank you for crystallizing what those things are that I need to work on. I'm keenly aware of the fact that I have lots of work to do - you've helped me to break that work down.
It's tough to admit how important it is for me to control outcomes. And unfortunately, I am still struggling with protecting my STBAXH's feelings - despite his awful treatment of me. Sigh.
Here's two more for my "need to work on this list"
Trust myself.
Accept help when it is offered. I am often too full of pride to accept help that is offered - and frankly, needed. I don't want to be perceived as weak or unable to handle things. I'm also afraid of what the offerer will think of me (and these are people who I know really love me). I'm trying to put myself in their position. If I were offering help to someone going through what I am going through - what would I think and feel? I know I would wholeheartedly want that person to accept my help and that I would feel so good for being able to ease their burden.
These will be good things to focus on this long weekend as STBAXH is back from the opposite coast to have visits each day with the boys (unsupervised with no overnights).
MamaKit
You have written my list for me. Thank you for crystallizing what those things are that I need to work on. I'm keenly aware of the fact that I have lots of work to do - you've helped me to break that work down.
It's tough to admit how important it is for me to control outcomes. And unfortunately, I am still struggling with protecting my STBAXH's feelings - despite his awful treatment of me. Sigh.
Here's two more for my "need to work on this list"
Trust myself.
Accept help when it is offered. I am often too full of pride to accept help that is offered - and frankly, needed. I don't want to be perceived as weak or unable to handle things. I'm also afraid of what the offerer will think of me (and these are people who I know really love me). I'm trying to put myself in their position. If I were offering help to someone going through what I am going through - what would I think and feel? I know I would wholeheartedly want that person to accept my help and that I would feel so good for being able to ease their burden.
These will be good things to focus on this long weekend as STBAXH is back from the opposite coast to have visits each day with the boys (unsupervised with no overnights).
MamaKit
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
Great thread lillamy! Thank you!! So many great ideas!!
Let's see... today, I'm working to:
1. TRUST MY HP. I've been struggling with anxiety attacks lately. I'm getting better, though...slowly...but surely. I don't want to take anti-anxiety meds because I know they carry a potential for addiction. I believe I can work my way through this transition period in my life through prayer and meditation. I am really trying to remember that my HP is in charge. He loves me. He has always provided for me. He will continue to provide for me...He will protect me...He will guide me. He has a great plan for me. I need only TRUST him and turn my will and my life over to HIS CARE.
2. LOVE MYSELF. I'm working on getting rid of the negative thoughts that plague me. I'm talking about those old tapes...the ones that have played in my head for as long as I can remember. The tapes seemed to play louder and clearer as I floundered around...trying to figure out how I ended up in such a disfunctional relationship with my exah. I'm trying to remember that I am a child of God. He made me in his image. He loves me. I need to work on loving myself.
Thanks for the chance to put my thougths and goals into words. It helps.
Hugs...
Mary
Let's see... today, I'm working to:
1. TRUST MY HP. I've been struggling with anxiety attacks lately. I'm getting better, though...slowly...but surely. I don't want to take anti-anxiety meds because I know they carry a potential for addiction. I believe I can work my way through this transition period in my life through prayer and meditation. I am really trying to remember that my HP is in charge. He loves me. He has always provided for me. He will continue to provide for me...He will protect me...He will guide me. He has a great plan for me. I need only TRUST him and turn my will and my life over to HIS CARE.
2. LOVE MYSELF. I'm working on getting rid of the negative thoughts that plague me. I'm talking about those old tapes...the ones that have played in my head for as long as I can remember. The tapes seemed to play louder and clearer as I floundered around...trying to figure out how I ended up in such a disfunctional relationship with my exah. I'm trying to remember that I am a child of God. He made me in his image. He loves me. I need to work on loving myself.
Thanks for the chance to put my thougths and goals into words. It helps.
Hugs...
Mary
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
Mine right now is forgiveness.
I think I made big progress last night when for the first time I felt like I forgave my AW. I had forgiven at a thought level, understood she was the way she was but last night was the first time I felt it. It also felt a lot like forgiveness for me and that was huge.
Your friend,
I think I made big progress last night when for the first time I felt like I forgave my AW. I had forgiven at a thought level, understood she was the way she was but last night was the first time I felt it. It also felt a lot like forgiveness for me and that was huge.
Your friend,
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Great thread! I am currently working on:
Recognizing character traits & internal definitions that go back to my FOO with my alcoholic father..... as an ACoA now with greater knowledge & awareness I have the ability to see things very differently.
Identifying some of the patterns, behaviors & decisions I've made in life based on that foundation & figuring out which parts to keep, which to change & which to toss away. Identifying which parts are inherently parts of ME & which are developed in response to being the child of 1 alcoholic parent & 1 emotionally unavailable parent.
Breaking these family ties that bind me in ways that restrict my growth as a person or foster unhealthy dynamics between myself & the rest of the FOO.... and dealing with the fallout of sorts that occured as the rest of the family responds to that shift.
It's been a lot of trips down memory lane; a lot of jarring, supressed images & realizations bubbling up needing to be re-evaluated. Painful at times, but also very freeing.
Recognizing character traits & internal definitions that go back to my FOO with my alcoholic father..... as an ACoA now with greater knowledge & awareness I have the ability to see things very differently.
Identifying some of the patterns, behaviors & decisions I've made in life based on that foundation & figuring out which parts to keep, which to change & which to toss away. Identifying which parts are inherently parts of ME & which are developed in response to being the child of 1 alcoholic parent & 1 emotionally unavailable parent.
Breaking these family ties that bind me in ways that restrict my growth as a person or foster unhealthy dynamics between myself & the rest of the FOO.... and dealing with the fallout of sorts that occured as the rest of the family responds to that shift.
It's been a lot of trips down memory lane; a lot of jarring, supressed images & realizations bubbling up needing to be re-evaluated. Painful at times, but also very freeing.
Life Health Prosperity
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Louisana
Posts: 6,752
~Being present. It's not worry, but it's the constant living in the future and constant planning that I feel is taking away from my enjoying life, and I think it's just the habit of worrying that I've continued. So instead of enjoying dinner and chatting with the kids, I'm planning in my mind in which order they should do their homework and what I'm making for dinner tomorrow. Again, it's about control. About trying to control the outcome of tomorrow (or the next half-hour).
Lillamy, you are FANTASTIC. Thank you for the thread. Good things are just beyond the horizon, gotta a steady income again, getting my DL back soon, and I'm about to jump out of my skin.
Lillamy, you are FANTASTIC. Thank you for the thread. Good things are just beyond the horizon, gotta a steady income again, getting my DL back soon, and I'm about to jump out of my skin.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
;)
Originally Posted by lillamy 
Here's what I'm feeling led to work on right now in my life (please share yours, and your thoughts about it).
What are you working on?
What are you working on?
Setting boundaries, protecting myself from spiritual pollution .
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