deeker

I have been thinking a lot lately and I realize that sometimes I rush through life without enjoying the people in my life.

Sometimes I am so focused on recovery that it is all I do.It is so easy to take certain things for granted.

I am here all alone in my folks house as they are up north at my 100 yr old grama's funeral.I was in a really bad space when they left.


Relapse again was on my mind, knowing I had the freedom to do so.


However God has put the past right up in my face and helped me to see how awful that way of life was.



The desperation of having to have that drink, one after another and then for me leading to the drugs. Then getting myself into who knows what.


Possibly getting in the car or getting on the phone drunk dialing.Then waking up with guilt, remorse and shame and thinking I didn't get a good enough buzz the day before so I will do it all over again.


Can you relate? No I don't want to live that way ever again. Anything I am going through today is a cake walk compared to living that desperate life style.

I am spending so much time with God the last couple days and I have found such peace.

Even though I am coming through a storm It still feels like it's gonna be ok. I am not lonely here by myself, I am enjoying solitude and I am grateful I am sober.


I am putting my whole life in the care of God today and I will do what I need to do for recovery. It's still gonna be a lovely day I can tell. .




God has always been there for me but he has really gotten my attention this last few weeks.


I learned a valuable lesson when I tried to escape a few weeks ago , and relapsed on another substance .

It baffled me that I knew there would be consequences and I still chose to do it. I knew it would affect my service online,I knew it would affect speaking a detox 1x a week ,



I knew it would affect my relationship with hubby and sponsor.
But this disease still won out for a good 6 hrs.

I learned it is not the answer to one single thing in my life, but there is one who holds all the answers and if I keep my focus on him it will all be ok.

I really hope you are having a blessed day! And if you slipped in any way whether it be attitude or a relapse please don't let it consume you, just surrender start your day over at anytime and recommit to your recovery. God Bless You

LadyinBC

What a great post Deeker! You have given me a lot of food for thought.

ruserius247

God has been lacking in my daily routine for a long long time. I think it might be time for me to reconnect with God.
Thank you for your post and it has given me a lot to think about, as well.

Natom

I said don't worry about a thing....coz every little TING! is gonna be alright!!!! Whooa whoooa don't worry.

Natom.