complacency
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Daytona Beach
Posts: 13
complacency
How do you guys deal with living life it's own terms, and continuing your recovery without getting complacent and ungrateful? I'm really struggling with complacency. Now that I've put a few days together, been blessed with some amazing gifts throughout my recovery thus far, and I'm having trouble remembering where it came from and being grateful for it and not turning my back on my recovery thinking "I got this".
Any experience, strength, and hope on this from fellow addicts would help tremendously!
Any experience, strength, and hope on this from fellow addicts would help tremendously!
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
SR helps me to see how others live life on its own terms. I also go to a lot of AA and NA meetings. There are always people there who are more than happy to remind me where I came from.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Daytona Beach
Posts: 13
yeah, I'm new on this site. I go to NA meetings, I try and make 3 a week but sometimes can't. I'm working the steps and have built a great network, I guess even when I go to meetings I get on my high horse because I have the things that I do, and forget that I had nothing when I came in. I've been working on it with my sponsor, it's a struggle though definitely.
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
I think for me I am always going to have to work on myself daily. I see an alcohol counsellor and I spent about 4 weeks in daytox. I have learned ways of coping with urges, things I can do to relax me, how the family dynamics works and how to change my thinking.
I didn't get the way I was when I was drinking overnight. I had years and years of thinking one way and coping with alcohol. So I can't expect to relearn everything right away. It will take years and years of reprogramming myself.
I have accepted that I am not someone who can have one drink and stop. I think the day I stop working on myself I will be heading down that slippery slope again. Accepting that I am always going to have to keep myself in check has helped. It's just my reality now.
I didn't get the way I was when I was drinking overnight. I had years and years of thinking one way and coping with alcohol. So I can't expect to relearn everything right away. It will take years and years of reprogramming myself.
I have accepted that I am not someone who can have one drink and stop. I think the day I stop working on myself I will be heading down that slippery slope again. Accepting that I am always going to have to keep myself in check has helped. It's just my reality now.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
Originally Posted by babygrandx 
where is that? I just joined today and am still trying to navigate the site lol. link please? 
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...iney-road.html
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
This is difficult to answer as I have a 12 step fellowship as a major resource. Today I ran into an old friend. He had 20 years of sobriety (I had met him when he first became sober years ago, one of my many attempts at staying stopped and we used to hang out at the 12 step club which he just today fondly referred to as "my old family").....
He is newly sober today and has a few weeks together.
What happened to him? Complacency.
He stopped attending meetings about 10 years ago, which he suggested allowed him NOT to be accountable to others or responsible to anyone.
He ran into this man and his beautiful wife while fishing and was offered a beer to which he replied, "I haven't drunk in a long time."
The man told him he needed to quit. So, my sober friend attempted to 12 step the man (share how he became sober). The wife was intrigued. She was awed and amazed.....
She and the 12-stepper became close, then closer......then began having an affair. Not sure if the hubby became sober, but my sober friend began to drink. He didn't drink much, but in a short period of time things got really weird. He kept seeing the woman. The affair grew. Then, he drank. Just one, then a couple, then a couple more beers. He drank, she and he argued a lot.
He then drank more, but at this time, the woman attempted to cut-off contact with him since he was now drinking....
That's all it took, a bit of complacency, 12-stepping alone, and a woman.
Here's another story which began, well, with an ego that began to grow, a story which repeated itself (remember this is in a 12 step program)....and with little use of the tools we use to stay stopped......
New Year's Eve and while on a date, the man just celebrated 6 years of sobriety.....girl says, "Let's get some champagne." One night, several drinks later, 6 years of continuous sobriety vanished and he was back to day one.
If and when we become okay with the way things are and think we have everything under control, poof.
After leaving my noon meeting, I walked by a liquor store on the way to a grocery store and as I looked my thoughts were, "I'm in a place of neutrality, so glad I'm here"....and another thought...."yeah, you keep thinking that and you may be there buying a bottle real fast"...be alert....and then I watched a woman exit with a 6 pack hugged to her hip (we now pay a 5 cent clean-up tax for bags, so most people prefer not to purchase bags).....thoughts of where my life ended up when I drank flashed in my mind, yeah, complacency, not where I want to end up.
I come to SR daily, it's another form of accountability for me. Plus, I get to read about the newcomer and be reminded where I once was. It's another reason I do attend in-person meetings, too. I get to talk with people in person and on the phone and I get to attend sober social functions....accountability and responsibility. Things I lost when I was drinking.....
That's my 12 step stance on complacency....I'll keep coming back!
Thanks for posting, you just helped me to stay stopped as it took me 20+ minutes of thinking and typing and remembering why I need to not be complacent....
He is newly sober today and has a few weeks together.
What happened to him? Complacency.
He stopped attending meetings about 10 years ago, which he suggested allowed him NOT to be accountable to others or responsible to anyone.
He ran into this man and his beautiful wife while fishing and was offered a beer to which he replied, "I haven't drunk in a long time."
The man told him he needed to quit. So, my sober friend attempted to 12 step the man (share how he became sober). The wife was intrigued. She was awed and amazed.....
She and the 12-stepper became close, then closer......then began having an affair. Not sure if the hubby became sober, but my sober friend began to drink. He didn't drink much, but in a short period of time things got really weird. He kept seeing the woman. The affair grew. Then, he drank. Just one, then a couple, then a couple more beers. He drank, she and he argued a lot.
He then drank more, but at this time, the woman attempted to cut-off contact with him since he was now drinking....
That's all it took, a bit of complacency, 12-stepping alone, and a woman.
Here's another story which began, well, with an ego that began to grow, a story which repeated itself (remember this is in a 12 step program)....and with little use of the tools we use to stay stopped......
New Year's Eve and while on a date, the man just celebrated 6 years of sobriety.....girl says, "Let's get some champagne." One night, several drinks later, 6 years of continuous sobriety vanished and he was back to day one.
If and when we become okay with the way things are and think we have everything under control, poof.
After leaving my noon meeting, I walked by a liquor store on the way to a grocery store and as I looked my thoughts were, "I'm in a place of neutrality, so glad I'm here"....and another thought...."yeah, you keep thinking that and you may be there buying a bottle real fast"...be alert....and then I watched a woman exit with a 6 pack hugged to her hip (we now pay a 5 cent clean-up tax for bags, so most people prefer not to purchase bags).....thoughts of where my life ended up when I drank flashed in my mind, yeah, complacency, not where I want to end up.
I come to SR daily, it's another form of accountability for me. Plus, I get to read about the newcomer and be reminded where I once was. It's another reason I do attend in-person meetings, too. I get to talk with people in person and on the phone and I get to attend sober social functions....accountability and responsibility. Things I lost when I was drinking.....
That's my 12 step stance on complacency....I'll keep coming back!
Thanks for posting, you just helped me to stay stopped as it took me 20+ minutes of thinking and typing and remembering why I need to not be complacent....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: highland beach, florida
Posts: 649
Originally Posted by babygrandx
How do you guys deal with living life it's own terms, and continuing your recovery without getting complacent and ungrateful? I'm really struggling with complacency. Now that I've put a few days together, been blessed with some amazing gifts throughout my recovery thus far, and I'm having trouble remembering where it came from and being grateful for it and not turning my back on my recovery thinking "I got this".
Any experience, strength, and hope on this from fellow addicts would help tremendously!
Any experience, strength, and hope on this from fellow addicts would help tremendously!
I must be dense because I am not getting this. Are you saying you have become complacent within a few days of sobriety? How long have you been sober?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Daytona Beach
Posts: 13
Originally Posted by TrixMixer
Hi Babygranx,
I must be dense because I am not getting this. Are you saying you have become complacent within a few days of sobriety? How long have you been sober?
I must be dense because I am not getting this. Are you saying you have become complacent within a few days of sobriety? How long have you been sober?
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
"How do you guys deal with living life it's own terms, and continuing your recovery without getting complacent and ungrateful?"
Keep that attitude of gratitude, remember working with a newcomer---it keeps the pain fresh, which I now need.
Keep the ego in check...work the 12 steps into your life so that you have something to lean on when a meeting isn't available...
Call others regularly so that when a meeting isn't available, again, you remain fresh and involved.
Ernest Kurtz' line in his book Not-God A History of AA states it best: "It's about fully-human interaction."
Reach out to the newcomer, the best way to remain grateful you aren't that newcomer again
Keep that attitude of gratitude, remember working with a newcomer---it keeps the pain fresh, which I now need.
Keep the ego in check...work the 12 steps into your life so that you have something to lean on when a meeting isn't available...
Call others regularly so that when a meeting isn't available, again, you remain fresh and involved.
Ernest Kurtz' line in his book Not-God A History of AA states it best: "It's about fully-human interaction."
Reach out to the newcomer, the best way to remain grateful you aren't that newcomer again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Daytona Beach
Posts: 13
Originally Posted by sugarbear1
This is difficult to answer as I have a 12 step fellowship as a major resource. Today I ran into an old friend. He had 20 years of sobriety (I had met him when he first became sober years ago, one of my many attempts at staying stopped and we used to hang out at the 12 step club which he just today fondly referred to as "my old family").....
He is newly sober today and has a few weeks together.
What happened to him? Complacency.
He stopped attending meetings about 10 years ago, which he suggested allowed him NOT to be accountable to others or responsible to anyone.
He ran into this man and his beautiful wife while fishing and was offered a beer to which he replied, "I haven't drunk in a long time."
The man told him he needed to quit. So, my sober friend attempted to 12 step the man (share how he became sober). The wife was intrigued. She was awed and amazed.....
She and the 12-stepper became close, then closer......then began having an affair. Not sure if the hubby became sober, but my sober friend began to drink. He didn't drink much, but in a short period of time things got really weird. He kept seeing the woman. The affair grew. Then, he drank. Just one, then a couple, then a couple more beers. He drank, she and he argued a lot.
He then drank more, but at this time, the woman attempted to cut-off contact with him since he was now drinking....
That's all it took, a bit of complacency, 12-stepping alone, and a woman.
Here's another story which began, well, with an ego that began to grow, a story which repeated itself (remember this is in a 12 step program)....and with little use of the tools we use to stay stopped......
New Year's Eve and while on a date, the man just celebrated 6 years of sobriety.....girl says, "Let's get some champagne." One night, several drinks later, 6 years of continuous sobriety vanished and he was back to day one.
If and when we become okay with the way things are and think we have everything under control, poof.
After leaving my noon meeting, I walked by a liquor store on the way to a grocery store and as I looked my thoughts were, "I'm in a place of neutrality, so glad I'm here"....and another thought...."yeah, you keep thinking that and you may be there buying a bottle real fast"...be alert....and then I watched a woman exit with a 6 pack hugged to her hip (we now pay a 5 cent clean-up tax for bags, so most people prefer not to purchase bags).....thoughts of where my life ended up when I drank flashed in my mind, yeah, complacency, not where I want to end up.
I come to SR daily, it's another form of accountability for me. Plus, I get to read about the newcomer and be reminded where I once was. It's another reason I do attend in-person meetings, too. I get to talk with people in person and on the phone and I get to attend sober social functions....accountability and responsibility. Things I lost when I was drinking.....
That's my 12 step stance on complacency....I'll keep coming back!
Thanks for posting, you just helped me to stay stopped as it took me 20+ minutes of thinking and typing and remembering why I need to not be complacent....
He is newly sober today and has a few weeks together.
What happened to him? Complacency.
He stopped attending meetings about 10 years ago, which he suggested allowed him NOT to be accountable to others or responsible to anyone.
He ran into this man and his beautiful wife while fishing and was offered a beer to which he replied, "I haven't drunk in a long time."
The man told him he needed to quit. So, my sober friend attempted to 12 step the man (share how he became sober). The wife was intrigued. She was awed and amazed.....
She and the 12-stepper became close, then closer......then began having an affair. Not sure if the hubby became sober, but my sober friend began to drink. He didn't drink much, but in a short period of time things got really weird. He kept seeing the woman. The affair grew. Then, he drank. Just one, then a couple, then a couple more beers. He drank, she and he argued a lot.
He then drank more, but at this time, the woman attempted to cut-off contact with him since he was now drinking....
That's all it took, a bit of complacency, 12-stepping alone, and a woman.
Here's another story which began, well, with an ego that began to grow, a story which repeated itself (remember this is in a 12 step program)....and with little use of the tools we use to stay stopped......
New Year's Eve and while on a date, the man just celebrated 6 years of sobriety.....girl says, "Let's get some champagne." One night, several drinks later, 6 years of continuous sobriety vanished and he was back to day one.
If and when we become okay with the way things are and think we have everything under control, poof.
After leaving my noon meeting, I walked by a liquor store on the way to a grocery store and as I looked my thoughts were, "I'm in a place of neutrality, so glad I'm here"....and another thought...."yeah, you keep thinking that and you may be there buying a bottle real fast"...be alert....and then I watched a woman exit with a 6 pack hugged to her hip (we now pay a 5 cent clean-up tax for bags, so most people prefer not to purchase bags).....thoughts of where my life ended up when I drank flashed in my mind, yeah, complacency, not where I want to end up.
I come to SR daily, it's another form of accountability for me. Plus, I get to read about the newcomer and be reminded where I once was. It's another reason I do attend in-person meetings, too. I get to talk with people in person and on the phone and I get to attend sober social functions....accountability and responsibility. Things I lost when I was drinking.....
That's my 12 step stance on complacency....I'll keep coming back!
Thanks for posting, you just helped me to stay stopped as it took me 20+ minutes of thinking and typing and remembering why I need to not be complacent....
I also work a 12 step program, and have been attending meetings since day 1 of being clean. I hear and see a lot about complacency but I did not think it would happen to me being fairly fresh in recovery, and maybe that was a problem thinking that I was immune to it. I remember thinking "I'll never get complacent, I was at such a low how could I ever forget that?"
But when I got the vehicle back, the children back, the new home, ect. I have found myself recently slipping into it. I have a terrible habit of not talking about my thoughts to anyone so your response helped me a lot. Thank you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Daytona Beach
Posts: 13
Originally Posted by sugarbear1
"How do you guys deal with living life it's own terms, and continuing your recovery without getting complacent and ungrateful?"
Keep that attitude of gratitude, remember working with a newcomer---it keeps the pain fresh, which I now need.
Keep the ego in check...work the 12 steps into your life so that you have something to lean on when a meeting isn't available...
Call others regularly so that when a meeting isn't available, again, you remain fresh and involved.
Ernest Kurtz' line in his book Not-God A History of AA states it best: "It's about fully-human interaction."
Reach out to the newcomer, the best way to remain grateful you aren't that newcomer again
Keep that attitude of gratitude, remember working with a newcomer---it keeps the pain fresh, which I now need.
Keep the ego in check...work the 12 steps into your life so that you have something to lean on when a meeting isn't available...
Call others regularly so that when a meeting isn't available, again, you remain fresh and involved.
Ernest Kurtz' line in his book Not-God A History of AA states it best: "It's about fully-human interaction."
Reach out to the newcomer, the best way to remain grateful you aren't that newcomer again
Yes, when I am able to help someone out who is just starting their journey of recovery, it really keeps my ego in check and reminds me where I never want to be again. I'm starting to get involved with service work, so maybe that will help with these feelings.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Seeing my friend brought me back many years, before I made a really horrible mess of my life....
.....and no, I don't have a vehicle today but I get around.....
.....and no, my son is not yet back in my life and he's almost 18 now (yeah, I get full of feelings when I read about parents of young kids fighting this battle---if I could re-live my life knowing how fast time can fly, I'd give anything to have my 6 year old back in my life and to play and interact with him throughout his childhood-to have an opportunity to parent him properly today--what a gift that would be!!) and yet, I am currently working with someone who went through this same situation, so there is hope for a reconnection today....
Life is challenging, but I don't have to drink or use over it today.
I'm thinking of other people who were part of that club and who are no longer alive.
I need another hand or two to count the losses of such fabulous people who have our dilemma.
Keep fresh, get through the daily positive challenges and negative challenges and know that drinking/using won't move you forward in life.
Get step 1 perfect. Don't pick up, but don't stop at step 1~!!!
Welcome that newcomer!
With love, hugs & gratitude,
.....and no, I don't have a vehicle today but I get around.....
.....and no, my son is not yet back in my life and he's almost 18 now (yeah, I get full of feelings when I read about parents of young kids fighting this battle---if I could re-live my life knowing how fast time can fly, I'd give anything to have my 6 year old back in my life and to play and interact with him throughout his childhood-to have an opportunity to parent him properly today--what a gift that would be!!) and yet, I am currently working with someone who went through this same situation, so there is hope for a reconnection today....
Life is challenging, but I don't have to drink or use over it today.
I'm thinking of other people who were part of that club and who are no longer alive.
I need another hand or two to count the losses of such fabulous people who have our dilemma.
Keep fresh, get through the daily positive challenges and negative challenges and know that drinking/using won't move you forward in life.
Get step 1 perfect. Don't pick up, but don't stop at step 1~!!!
Welcome that newcomer!
With love, hugs & gratitude,
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Gratitude forum is here
The Gratitude List - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
welcome babygrand - SR really helped me 'keep it real' it's hard to be complacent when you're reading other peoples stories everyday or posting about your own
glad you've joined us
D
The Gratitude List - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
welcome babygrand - SR really helped me 'keep it real' it's hard to be complacent when you're reading other peoples stories everyday or posting about your own
glad you've joined us
D
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Originally Posted by sugarbear1
That's all it took, a bit of complacency, 12-stepping alone, and a woman.
I expect you didn't mean that women, in general, are likely to lead to drinking. I think the relationship issue of him getting involved with someone who was married which amounted to turning his back on the principles that had turned his life around, was the issue.
Men don't cause women to drink, women don't cause men to drink, our discomfort with our own choices and behavior often leads to us choosing to drink. I was just sitting here reading this and thinking that is just what someone needs...another excuse to blame their gender of interest for their drinking, their relapse or their complacency.
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