ivegotsunshine

Anyone else gone through this? I.was just told yesterday that an aunt of mine had been molested by her brother as early as age 4. For some reason or another I can't help but feel like I am blocking some of my own past because I'm afraid this too could have happened to me... I can't believe I'm posting this. I'm really quite terrified/ horrified / scared/ disgusted and feeling really really frigging vulnerable right now.
Clearly this is something that will require therapy but if this along happened to me I just don't think I could bear it. I don't think I'm strong enough for this.. I don't want to drink because I like drinking. I want to drink because I don't want to feel this. I thought this would get better....

Dee74

I'm sorry Ivegotsunshine

I don;t have any experienced with repressed memories...I do have extensive experience with trying to repress memories by getting wasted tho - and it just doesn't work.

I think however scary, if you feel you're repressing something, a good therapist really is the way to go....a good therapist will guide you, not force you

D

hamabi

I had to let some past rough things go early in sobriety instead of allowing them to continue to cause me harm. The prospect of retaining them to relive and suffer from wasn't appealing to me. Doing that would make those things even more harmful, and I've always favored less pain for myself rather than more.

Natom

Hey IGS,

You're right. This is something you are best going to a therapist about. It may be very painful for you emotionally. But no matter how painful it is you don't have to drink over it. Like Dee I have no experience with repressed memories but an awful lot of experience with trying to repress memories with alcohol and drugs....it doesn't work. If anything they are repressed for a while and then come back stronger. I hope you find the right route for you to go with this.

Natom.

LadyinBC

I definately think I am repressing some memories of the same thing. My sister always has thought she has, but they have never come back.

I think this is something I will definately have to address in the future with a qualified therapist, but for now, I am working on keeping myself sober. I have only been in recovery for 5 months so that isn't a lot of time.

Don't feel pressured that you have to figure it out now. I know I'm not going to. I have other issues I have to work on first before I even begin to tackle this one. It's not a race and we don't have to deal with everything all at once. It's baby steps.

Thank you for posting this by the way!

sophiasunshine

I agree with what the other says here, drinking will not only make you feel worse but you hide the problem from yourself. I think you should go to councelling and try to talk to someone about this, it will help you gothrough your feelings and give you alot of support. The alcohol will just make you feel worse xx

mecanix

I drowned when i was three , full on stopped breathing , unconcious the whole thing .

Although i'd been told about it in the past i never had a memory of it untill last year, 35 years on , in my honest opinion it was only revealed to me when i was strong enough to deal with it . I'd also be willing to accept my brain has made up the whole "experience" after being told about the obviously traumatic experience for my parents .

In a way it's only relavence is in how it effects me now ...

As the other poster's have said if it's true or if it's false it might be worth working out how to deal with it with a professional , alcohol would just stop you dealing with you feelings about it and not the thing itself .

Bestwishes, M

Received

Years ago, when I first stopped drinking, I had a couple psychologist telling me I had "repressed" and "traumatic" memories somewhere in the recesses of my brain. Apparently they based this on my less then ideal growing up years and these "professionals" were intent on beginning the arduous task of digging around in my brain to bring these "horrific" experiences to light.

At the time, I thought to myself: "really?!!. I've enough non-repressed memories right here in the forefront of my brain..so why go digging for cr*p I don't even remember?"

Well, as life would have it, my insurance company changed and I ended up having to see a new doctor on their providers list. THANK GOD!

By the time of my appointment, he had received most of my records from the previous two doctors so had a fairly good idea of my history.

On our first visit, I mentioned the repressed memory therapy. He looked at me like I was nuts. He said "We have enough right here, right now, to work with. Why the HE!! would we want to dig for something that may or may not even exist. If something does surface, ON IT'S OWN we'll deal with it then".

I was so happy, I bawled my eyes out.

Never did have a repressed memory surface.

Interesting to note, the first two doctors were SURE I had been sexually molested as a child. I literally felt they were trying to make me buy into that theory.

See, for me, it's was like this: All those years ago, I used every excuse I could come up with to justify my drinking, Repressed memories never occurred to me but I'm know if it did, I would have added it to my list of "reasons I drink and have to continue to drink".

When I picked up again (5 years ago after 13 years of sobriety), I did so because I wanted to get drunk. Period. So simple although my pathetic AV tries to tell me otherwise.

Just my very long .02 cents.

LexieCat

Do you really have some REASON to believe this happened to you? Or are you just worried that it might have? Did you have reason to think that before you talked to your aunt?

Obviously there are traumatic things that happen in childhood (to just about everyone--and they don't all involve abuse, they can involve things that scared or upset you), but could it be you are worrying for nothing just because it got you thinking? Some people should not read medical stuff because they start worrying that they are suffering from various horrible diseases.

I'm not saying nothing could have happened, just wondering if maybe your imagination isn't racing away with this disturbing information you just heard.

LDT

I can definitely relate IVS..... I had some repressed things I didn't want to uncover. I didn't want to know what I didn't want to know....Therapy helped me enormously. I highly recommend. It's like slowly peeling back the layers of an onion.

As cliche as it sounds....the truth will set you free!

ivegotsunshine

Thanks everyone for your kind words. I do know.for a fact that certain things happened.to myself as a teen-ager that certainly messed me up. Just before my wedding last October I had smoked.some.pot b/c I couldn't sleep. For some reason I had this overwhelming feeling like something wasn't right with my dad.. not sure what tho
when I was around 12 y/o I remembered a time my dad had duct taped my sister to a kitchen chair infront of the whole family. He duct taped her mouth shut and left her there for what seemed like hours.if we had tried to help her we would have been next. We used to get locked into our bedrooms because I would wander at night...
The weird thing is, I have fond memories of both my parents and growing up. I do have one uncle, the same one in question, who ink.think would have tried something if my mom had ever let me alone with him.

Its so sad. Drinking made me normal and let me forget things. Bit now I have a hard Tim remembering whats real and what isn't when it comes to my past. I'm kind of mad at my sister for telling me too. Shes bee in recovery for 5+ years and she knows I am not even a month clean. I feel like it was unfair of her to burden me with this at this time. What good was done by her telling me?her own self.satisfaction. what else is new.
I like what one of you said in your experience with repressed memories. You've got enough ish to deal with! Its just hard not to wonder.
Therapy is next on my list.

sugarbear1

When you stop drinking, find yourself a therapist.