Stages of Grief and Addiction
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
Stages of Grief and Addiction
I hit 6 months sober today and was reflecting on the different stages I've gone through and it reminded me of the stages of grief in the similarity.
7 Stages of Grief...
1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.
I relate this to while I was still drinking. Denying the reality, doing anything to avoid dealing with the fact that I have a addiction problem.
2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.
You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.
This is when the bad stuff starts happening due to drinking-the chaos, the guilt, the consequences of not dealing with it sooner.
3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.
You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")
This is the stage where you try to moderate. I'll only drink on weekends. I'll only drink beer. I won't have more than one or two. You're bargaining with yourself to avoid dealing with the problem.
4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.
During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.
This is early on when I quit. It was isolating, a huge time of reflection, often depressing, and a lot of looking back at the effect drinking has had on my life.
7 Stages of Grief...
5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.
This was after about 2 months. I started getting more productive, cravings were lessened, better mood.
6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.
This is where I'm at now, I think. Adjusting to life without alcohol, problem solving, finances, etc.
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled is iYOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.
Not here quite yet, but getting better at dealing with the reality each day.
7 stages of grief...
You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.
Looking forward to this very much!
7 Stages of Grief...
1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.
I relate this to while I was still drinking. Denying the reality, doing anything to avoid dealing with the fact that I have a addiction problem.
2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.
You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.
This is when the bad stuff starts happening due to drinking-the chaos, the guilt, the consequences of not dealing with it sooner.
3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.
You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")
This is the stage where you try to moderate. I'll only drink on weekends. I'll only drink beer. I won't have more than one or two. You're bargaining with yourself to avoid dealing with the problem.
4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.
During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.
This is early on when I quit. It was isolating, a huge time of reflection, often depressing, and a lot of looking back at the effect drinking has had on my life.
7 Stages of Grief...
5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.
This was after about 2 months. I started getting more productive, cravings were lessened, better mood.
6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.
This is where I'm at now, I think. Adjusting to life without alcohol, problem solving, finances, etc.
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled is iYOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.
Not here quite yet, but getting better at dealing with the reality each day.
7 stages of grief...
You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.
Looking forward to this very much!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Finger Lakes, NY
Posts: 521
Hi FreeFall.
Wow, that is quite profound! I've read the 7 stages of grief before, when my sister passed away. I never thought about it being applied to the death of addiction, but this really does ring a bell.
My longest run at being sober was a year (after an out-patient DWI program). And then I "fell down". I've been struggling for the last 3 years. I'm done with it. I have a decent job, a nice home, and a loving man. I am close to losing it all. Correction; I was close to losing it all. The Gin can't give me all of that, only misery, so I let it go. There are times I feel sad and angry that I can't "visit" once in a while. One sip is never enough, so I have to leave it alone all together.
I'm only on Day 4. There will be many more days....one day at a time. I'm grateful I found SR. This time, I have the tools to succeed!
Wow, that is quite profound! I've read the 7 stages of grief before, when my sister passed away. I never thought about it being applied to the death of addiction, but this really does ring a bell.
My longest run at being sober was a year (after an out-patient DWI program). And then I "fell down". I've been struggling for the last 3 years. I'm done with it. I have a decent job, a nice home, and a loving man. I am close to losing it all. Correction; I was close to losing it all. The Gin can't give me all of that, only misery, so I let it go. There are times I feel sad and angry that I can't "visit" once in a while. One sip is never enough, so I have to leave it alone all together.
I'm only on Day 4. There will be many more days....one day at a time. I'm grateful I found SR. This time, I have the tools to succeed!
I'm still stuck in a few, I never thought about applying this to the death of my relationship with alcohol....Great post!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 458
Originally Posted by FreeFall 
4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.
During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.
This is early on when I quit. It was isolating, a huge time of reflection, often depressing, and a lot of looking back at the effect drinking has had on my life.
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.
During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.
This is early on when I quit. It was isolating, a huge time of reflection, often depressing, and a lot of looking back at the effect drinking has had on my life.
A simple guy making his way
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Thanks free fall....
I am in stage 4 but with moments of the last three stages. As I move forward I feel like I go between stages.
1,2 and 3 are that vicious cycle I can get in when I relapse. Those three feed on each other in some way.
4 feels like I stepped off the merry go round and trying to get my equilibrium. Not a bad place.
Thanks for the post.
K
I am in stage 4 but with moments of the last three stages. As I move forward I feel like I go between stages.
1,2 and 3 are that vicious cycle I can get in when I relapse. Those three feed on each other in some way.
4 feels like I stepped off the merry go round and trying to get my equilibrium. Not a bad place.
Thanks for the post.
K
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
I found the comparison helpful because having been through stages of grief through various losses it's good to remember that the stage does end and you move forward. The times that I am having the hardest time with sobriety I have to remind myself that it's a process and will not happen as quickly as I want it to. Also, that's it's ongoing. Just like when you lose a loved one, you could be doing fine for a long time and then have a grief flashback that hits you unexpectedly.
I totally agree that 1,2, and 3 feed off each other and that's where it's easiest to get stuck and slip. 4 is where you question everything and it can be really overwhelming but also a big growth period.
Wishing everyone strength no matter what stage you're at!
I totally agree that 1,2, and 3 feed off each other and that's where it's easiest to get stuck and slip. 4 is where you question everything and it can be really overwhelming but also a big growth period.
Wishing everyone strength no matter what stage you're at!
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