not kidding
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 249
not kidding
I made four attempts at progress today, all four met in roadblocks. It's pretty much all I can do to make one attempt so four is completely discouraging. I'm here as a distraction, I admit, to keep from going in the wrong direction. I realize this thread offers nothing to anyone but me, and apologize that I have nothing to give. Just wanting to know someone can hear me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 249
I take full responsibility for my addiction. I know why I'm stuck in it and know what I need to do to move beyond it. Yet I remain stuck. The harder I fight, the harder it fights back. I'm giving it all I've got and it keeps throwing the same lines of faulty reasoning back at me. I'm on the verge of giving in...again. Instead I came here. Maybe I shouldn't keep pushing so hard. Or is that just it feeding me a line again. I cannot tell the difference anymore.
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Andisa,
what helped me a lot was being able to see the seperate parts of me and the addictive voice. The feelings of anxiety and restlessness of the "beast" that is the addiction. I didn't want to be a drunk anymore but for some reason, I would drink again.
you might take a look at the AVRT threads in the Secular recovery section. rational recovery made a huge difference for me. Once I could tell the difference from me and the Addictive Voice it got so much easier.
I hope this helps.
love from Lenina
what helped me a lot was being able to see the seperate parts of me and the addictive voice. The feelings of anxiety and restlessness of the "beast" that is the addiction. I didn't want to be a drunk anymore but for some reason, I would drink again.
you might take a look at the AVRT threads in the Secular recovery section. rational recovery made a huge difference for me. Once I could tell the difference from me and the Addictive Voice it got so much easier.
I hope this helps.
love from Lenina
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 249
Since connecting with other people is fraught with so many challenges, many self imposed but also many external factors, perhaps I would do well to give alternative recovery methods a more serious look. I've considered them, peripherally, but never invested much into them. Many suggest meditation and while I have attempted that many times, I either can't or don't understand how to. Mind too busy rationalizing with itself. Never quiet, never at peace.
That said, I do not dismiss the power of connecting with others. Here, right now, is proof positive of that. Just needed to connect, if only in writing.
That said, I do not dismiss the power of connecting with others. Here, right now, is proof positive of that. Just needed to connect, if only in writing.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 249
Good people. I came here to calm down, not make a bad next move. I won't make a bad next move and even though my head hurts (too much thinking) just being here proved calming. Thanks for listening. Must return to work. Thanks for being here.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,352
Like I just said to someone else - when you're fighting yourself, whatever side wins, you lose.
I gave up fighting. I surrendered.
I accepted what I was and I accepted I needed to ask for help to get out of the hole I was in.
It was the best decision I ever made andisa
D
I gave up fighting. I surrendered.
I accepted what I was and I accepted I needed to ask for help to get out of the hole I was in.
It was the best decision I ever made andisa
D
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