If you act like a worm, don't complain when you get stepped on!

Old 01-15-2013, 11:35 PM
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If you act like a worm, don't complain when you get stepped on!

"If you act like a worm, don't complain when you get stepped on."

Yesterday I saw this quote on my way to work. I mentioned in another thread that I had a problem with my coworker. She yelled at me for no reason in front of other people, and I was ashamed because I didn't defend myself.

She yelled at me because I tried to open a freezer. Seriously. I work in a laboratory in Germany. I am an American and I work in German with Germans. I only started learning German about 3 years ago, so that makes me even more insecure about asserting myself. I go to open this freezer. And from behind me, across a room with three other coworkers in it, this person screams "NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN" as if the freezer would explode if I opened it. And I let her get away with talking to me like I'm a dog, and was humiliated in front of my coworkers.

So yesterday as I stood on the subway platform, dreading another work day, I saw the quote above. And I decided that today is not too late to demand that this person treat me with respect. This was not the first time she has disrespected me, as a foreigner and a nice American I have made myself into an easy target.

I told her that I wanted to talk to her about how she yelled at me yesterday in front of our coworkers. I said I don't know why she thinks it's ok to talk to people that way, but it's not ok with me. And from now on I demand a respectful tone from her. And that in the future, if she needs to tell me something, my name is Farfaraway and not Nein nein nein. And that she's not to yell at me again because I'm not an animal.

She was shocked! She tried to explain WHY the freezer needed to stay closed, but I cut her off and said I am not talking about the freezer rather about respect, and that I don't ever want to have this conversation with her again.

All of this in German! I don't think she'll be disrespecting me any time soon. One coworker who I am a bit close to came to me later and said she was proud of me for standing up to this coworker. I am pretty proud too, and wanted to share.
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Old 01-15-2013, 11:45 PM
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feeling bad about my past sometimes makes me take more sh*t than I should, thanks for the inspiration. not to be arrogant, or obnoxious, just to request* respect.


*I started typing "expect" respect, but caught myself, as expectations seem to be a problem of mine.....
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Old 01-16-2013, 01:20 PM
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I find it a valuable quote, and yet it saddens me, because how many of us were taught as children, for 18 years at least, and even into adulthood, that we were always wrong, always the ones at fault; how many of us grew up knowing we had little choice but to shut up in the face of a more powerful person's anger?

Mostly--I think many of us were told so often that we were WRONG and DESERVED to have this anger launched at us, that it's a very difficult lesson to unlearn, very difficult to start that process of taking a chance that maybe, finally, we really ARE right about something, and maybe, we really DO deserve better than this.

Your story, though, tells the world we can do it.

Good for you for pulling her aside and talking to her!
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Old 01-16-2013, 03:41 PM
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Good for you!
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Old 01-21-2013, 10:50 AM
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One week later and she's been polite as can be

That worm quote has become a mantra that I say to myself on my way into work, or before I make a phone call, or before any interaction with people I don't know well. I have been feeling way more confident than normal. I guess this is how normal people go about their lives every day!

Evening Rose, you are right! The day she yelled at me, I started out making excuses in my mind... she's under stress, I don't fight back so I taught her she can treat me this way, my German is too lousy etc..... The old recording is very difficult to erase.
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Old 01-22-2013, 07:17 AM
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I wish I even knew if I had that strength and presence of being.

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