newcomer says hi
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 10
newcomer says hi
Hi, I've been reading the forum for some time and decided to post my own story so far since reading everyone else's has given me so much great information and motivation.
A few years ago I lost my job but had a good bit of money saved in the bank for a 27 yo. I did odd work as it came along but started to increase my drinking as I "enjoyed my time off work." I slowly came to realize it was because I didn't like my line of work anymore so I became more resistant to go back to work and used the free time to drink more. Eventually I found myself needing a handle of 80 proof whatever every 2-3 days.
Then I finally get back into work (I did my phone interview at like 9am with a martini in hand) and while the job took care of me financially, I hated it. It was stressful, I would dread every day going in. When I worked an afternoon shift I'd often drink most of the morning before going. If I worked mornings I'd hit the cocktails as soon as I got home, and really at this point was mostly drinking til I blacked out every night. I knew I had a problem but hated things too much to quit drinking. Besides its not like I was feeling hung over after. So I kept drinking more.
Eventually work changed and I started to like it more. Unfortunately by then I hadn't had respect of the alcohol's potential to be really harmful. My health hadn't suffered, still no hangovers but I'd probably progressed to almost a liter or so of 80 proof a day, which even at 6'4" and 300 pounds is a lot. I noticed my clothes no longer fit, and in the morning I'd have the shakes and be weak kneed like I was going to just collapse going down the stairs or walking across the room.
I started having morning nips before hitting the road and a little bit more and a couple breath mints before going into work after parking figuring then I could avoid having an officer smelling it on my breath should I get pulled over but still get a sufficient buzz on. Then I'd start to lose it at about lunch time so I'd start going to my car on my lunch breaks. Co-workers would sometimes talk about smelling alcohol or make what I thought were possibly inferences that I'd been drinking. I liked to think I hid it well but I know they likely all know well whats up.
I knew I should quit, I know it was impacting my health and putting me at so many different risks but I couldn't. I've woken up vomiting in bed a time or two and even wet the bed once. But still when the shakes and anxiety and eventually super powerful heaving would come on I'd feel like just a little drink would make it better. And I'd try to moderate but 3-4oz of vodka in my usual mug looked like less than half of what it'd normally do. And eventually....I'd have a few more drinks to finally fall asleep because just one more time. Then I'd spend the weeks essentially just alternating between drinking and passing out and feeling worse than death on Monday morning.
Eventually I reached the point where I knew I wanted off the juice and believed I had the mental commitment to do so as I really reached the point where it seemed like I was drinking to fight withdrawal more than I really wanted a drink. The real clencher a couple weeks ago when I was just lounging and my heart started pounding at about 135 bpm. Normally when I'm resting its about 90. I watched it closely for a while and went to sleep with a lot on my mind.
I woke up and realized this was serious. I knew it was really time to seek professional help but I hate going to the dr, don't want that in my file, can't stand needles even if I should have blood work done, and really kind of didn't want to make this too easy on myself. So knowing the amount I drink I know this isn't safe and am ready to seek medical help if absolutely necessary.
So taper it was. 2 days ago I started with a couple drinks less than usual in the evening (Sunday). I hardly slept, probably an hour or two at most. Monday morning I started and did pretty well but in the evening I allowed myself too much and wound up drunk. Not the kind of drunk I'm used to but still drunk. Monday night I slept better, probably 3 hours with lots of chills and sweats during the night and woke up simply drenched. That next morning was one of the best showers I've ever had. Tuesday morning at work was a different story. I tried going in with very little to no alcohol in me. I was shaky, super sweaty and very anxious. Eventually I decided to work from home so that I could sip some booze while working and not worry about it. I believe so far I've had 16 oz of 80 proof today. I plan on having another 3-4 in a bit just in the interest of tapering.
I'm debating tomorrow and maybe thursday off work to continue this at home so I can be a little more aggressive. My goal for tomorrow would be 12oz (3 - 4oz drinks) or less and hopefully cut back to none by Saturday. Its just much easier to have the shakes and sweats at home than at work. It may be too quick. Or maybe not quick enough. I may have to eventually cave and seek out a dr too. I just know this has to end. Even right now I had a few ounces earlier to ease the symptoms. I'm not feeling bad at all, but this is a tough course I've chosen I know.
Anyway I just wanted to document this here for the encouragement of others like so many of your posts have done for me. I'll keep it updated.
A few years ago I lost my job but had a good bit of money saved in the bank for a 27 yo. I did odd work as it came along but started to increase my drinking as I "enjoyed my time off work." I slowly came to realize it was because I didn't like my line of work anymore so I became more resistant to go back to work and used the free time to drink more. Eventually I found myself needing a handle of 80 proof whatever every 2-3 days.
Then I finally get back into work (I did my phone interview at like 9am with a martini in hand) and while the job took care of me financially, I hated it. It was stressful, I would dread every day going in. When I worked an afternoon shift I'd often drink most of the morning before going. If I worked mornings I'd hit the cocktails as soon as I got home, and really at this point was mostly drinking til I blacked out every night. I knew I had a problem but hated things too much to quit drinking. Besides its not like I was feeling hung over after. So I kept drinking more.
Eventually work changed and I started to like it more. Unfortunately by then I hadn't had respect of the alcohol's potential to be really harmful. My health hadn't suffered, still no hangovers but I'd probably progressed to almost a liter or so of 80 proof a day, which even at 6'4" and 300 pounds is a lot. I noticed my clothes no longer fit, and in the morning I'd have the shakes and be weak kneed like I was going to just collapse going down the stairs or walking across the room.
I started having morning nips before hitting the road and a little bit more and a couple breath mints before going into work after parking figuring then I could avoid having an officer smelling it on my breath should I get pulled over but still get a sufficient buzz on. Then I'd start to lose it at about lunch time so I'd start going to my car on my lunch breaks. Co-workers would sometimes talk about smelling alcohol or make what I thought were possibly inferences that I'd been drinking. I liked to think I hid it well but I know they likely all know well whats up.
I knew I should quit, I know it was impacting my health and putting me at so many different risks but I couldn't. I've woken up vomiting in bed a time or two and even wet the bed once. But still when the shakes and anxiety and eventually super powerful heaving would come on I'd feel like just a little drink would make it better. And I'd try to moderate but 3-4oz of vodka in my usual mug looked like less than half of what it'd normally do. And eventually....I'd have a few more drinks to finally fall asleep because just one more time. Then I'd spend the weeks essentially just alternating between drinking and passing out and feeling worse than death on Monday morning.
Eventually I reached the point where I knew I wanted off the juice and believed I had the mental commitment to do so as I really reached the point where it seemed like I was drinking to fight withdrawal more than I really wanted a drink. The real clencher a couple weeks ago when I was just lounging and my heart started pounding at about 135 bpm. Normally when I'm resting its about 90. I watched it closely for a while and went to sleep with a lot on my mind.
I woke up and realized this was serious. I knew it was really time to seek professional help but I hate going to the dr, don't want that in my file, can't stand needles even if I should have blood work done, and really kind of didn't want to make this too easy on myself. So knowing the amount I drink I know this isn't safe and am ready to seek medical help if absolutely necessary.
So taper it was. 2 days ago I started with a couple drinks less than usual in the evening (Sunday). I hardly slept, probably an hour or two at most. Monday morning I started and did pretty well but in the evening I allowed myself too much and wound up drunk. Not the kind of drunk I'm used to but still drunk. Monday night I slept better, probably 3 hours with lots of chills and sweats during the night and woke up simply drenched. That next morning was one of the best showers I've ever had. Tuesday morning at work was a different story. I tried going in with very little to no alcohol in me. I was shaky, super sweaty and very anxious. Eventually I decided to work from home so that I could sip some booze while working and not worry about it. I believe so far I've had 16 oz of 80 proof today. I plan on having another 3-4 in a bit just in the interest of tapering.
I'm debating tomorrow and maybe thursday off work to continue this at home so I can be a little more aggressive. My goal for tomorrow would be 12oz (3 - 4oz drinks) or less and hopefully cut back to none by Saturday. Its just much easier to have the shakes and sweats at home than at work. It may be too quick. Or maybe not quick enough. I may have to eventually cave and seek out a dr too. I just know this has to end. Even right now I had a few ounces earlier to ease the symptoms. I'm not feeling bad at all, but this is a tough course I've chosen I know.
Anyway I just wanted to document this here for the encouragement of others like so many of your posts have done for me. I'll keep it updated.
to the family! I tried tapering many times but couldn't pull it off, I'd always end up drunk. Good luck to you in your goal of stopping drinking. :ghug3
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,475
I congratulate you on your decision to stop drinking and to see the harm that alcohol is causing in your life.
In my opinion, cold turkey, with drs approval is the only way to go. Tapering is much too hard for us alcoholics to manage and it prolongs the withdrawls.
In my opinion, cold turkey, with drs approval is the only way to go. Tapering is much too hard for us alcoholics to manage and it prolongs the withdrawls.
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Welcome to SR! I would really encourage you to see your doctor and be totally honest with him/her. I tried tapering, moderating, only drinking on weekends etc., never worked for me. Once I have one drink, I'm done. I can't stop.
Detoxing can be dangerous if not done under medical supervision.
Detoxing can be dangerous if not done under medical supervision.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I quit pretty much the same way you're doing it, by tapering (I allowed myself one measured drink every four hours). That really isn't the recommended way to do it, though. Especially given the fact that you've already had some heart-related symptoms. It isn't unheard of for people to die from alcohol withdrawal.
If you were to go into the hospital for a supervised detox this could all be over a lot faster and with more safety. I totally get not wanting it in your records, but these days addressing an alcohol problem doesn't carry the stigma it once did.
Please be careful--it would be a sad irony if you died as a result of your own efforts to save your life.
If you were to go into the hospital for a supervised detox this could all be over a lot faster and with more safety. I totally get not wanting it in your records, but these days addressing an alcohol problem doesn't carry the stigma it once did.
Please be careful--it would be a sad irony if you died as a result of your own efforts to save your life.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,064
Thank you for posting! Your story sounded familiar, except for the "tapering" part.
For one thing, why "none by Saturday?" Are you planning on getting plastered Friday night? You will feel most uncomfortable during withdrawals, so the earlier you start, the better you'll feel before you have to go to work on Monday.
For one thing, why "none by Saturday?" Are you planning on getting plastered Friday night? You will feel most uncomfortable during withdrawals, so the earlier you start, the better you'll feel before you have to go to work on Monday.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by Coldfusion 
Thank you for posting! Your story sounded familiar, except for the "tapering" part.
For one thing, why "none by Saturday?" Are you planning on getting plastered Friday night? You will feel most uncomfortable during withdrawals, so the earlier you start, the better you'll feel before you have to go to work on Monday.
For one thing, why "none by Saturday?" Are you planning on getting plastered Friday night? You will feel most uncomfortable during withdrawals, so the earlier you start, the better you'll feel before you have to go to work on Monday.
Thanks for the warm welcome all
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by sugarbear1
Day 3 is the worst day for many of us. If you stop today, you'll be better off!
I wish you well on your sober journey!
I wish you well on your sober journey!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 10
Anyone ever been prescribed something like librium without a blood draw? I'm too anxious to handle that today with as much as I hate needles and as anxious as I already am. I'd come back later for a physical but.....
Also how aggressive are places usually with inpatient work? I also don't want that.
Also how aggressive are places usually with inpatient work? I also don't want that.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Toomanybottles,
Welcome to SR.
I would encourage anyone to look into a medical detox, even though that's not the route I took in 2010. Tried to taper, but decided after 48 hours my anxiety skyrocketted; ...contemplating how long to taper, and if it would just land me back to square one in a week, or so.
decided to go for that Day 1 !
Home detox was no picnic. Little to no sleep, night sweats, ....
I managed to get thru it by logging on to SR several times a day, and plugging into this support system. Posting , and mostly reading. Joined the monthly thread ( April 2010 ) seemed to help too !!
After 12 days , I got my first glimpse of how good I may begin to feel. ( if I could ever get a decent night's sleep !?? )
Drinking close to a gallon of water/day and eating 3 lbs of citrus everyday were helpful, along with taking longer, and longer walks.
Glad you've joined us,
....my experience here? SR has been a lifesaver
Welcome to SR.
I would encourage anyone to look into a medical detox, even though that's not the route I took in 2010. Tried to taper, but decided after 48 hours my anxiety skyrocketted; ...contemplating how long to taper, and if it would just land me back to square one in a week, or so.
decided to go for that Day 1 !
Home detox was no picnic. Little to no sleep, night sweats, ....
I managed to get thru it by logging on to SR several times a day, and plugging into this support system. Posting , and mostly reading. Joined the monthly thread ( April 2010 ) seemed to help too !!
After 12 days , I got my first glimpse of how good I may begin to feel. ( if I could ever get a decent night's sleep !?? )
Drinking close to a gallon of water/day and eating 3 lbs of citrus everyday were helpful, along with taking longer, and longer walks.
Glad you've joined us,
....my experience here? SR has been a lifesaver
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 10
Well I took the group's advice and went to see a dr. I was successfully reducing my oz per day consumption but the anxiety was too much to take. The dr basically said he didn't feel comfortable with me going cold turkey on anything as an outpatient. So he wound up giving me a beta blocker to lower my blood pressure and 30 25mg pills of librium and said to use them to continue my taper off. I'm excited but feel like I've been given a bit of a loaded gun with me still consuming like 500ml a day and now a bottle of benzos. Going to have to make a plan and stick to it.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,064
Originally Posted by toomanybottles
saturday and sunday are hopefully the worst of the detox and monday i'm ready for work.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,378
Are you saying the dr ordered you to drink 500ml a day toomanybottles?
I don't believe in tapers, but the whole idea of a taper is to taper down...what are you tapering down from if you're still at 500 ml?
if you're unsure about what the Dr said, give them a ring.
If you feel unsure about their advise it's probably best to get a second opinion.
D
I don't believe in tapers, but the whole idea of a taper is to taper down...what are you tapering down from if you're still at 500 ml?
if you're unsure about what the Dr said, give them a ring.
If you feel unsure about their advise it's probably best to get a second opinion.
D
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,064
"It is generally recommended that you avoid alcohol while taking Librium."
source: Librium and Alcohol
source: Librium and Alcohol
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by Dee74
Are you saying the dr ordered you to drink 500ml a day toomanybottles?
I don't believe in tapers, but the whole idea of a taper is to taper down...what are you tapering down from if you're still at 500 ml?
if you're unsure about what the Dr said, give them a ring.
If you feel unsure about their advise it's probably best to get a second opinion.
D
I don't believe in tapers, but the whole idea of a taper is to taper down...what are you tapering down from if you're still at 500 ml?
if you're unsure about what the Dr said, give them a ring.
If you feel unsure about their advise it's probably best to get a second opinion.
D
Oh yeah if it seems iffy or anything I certainly will, I'm going to take a librium first and see what it does to how I feel and what my withdrawal is. If it works well it may be a shorter taper than expected!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
I am hoping the librium is going to work and then you can get some rest and seek out some more help. I think if you don't do something to help you STAY sober, this is only going to last a short while. My very best toomanny, I want to see you succeed!! Keep coming back.
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