PixieGirl

Hi all - I haven't been around for a while. Its been a year now since I left my xah. We are trying to be good coparents to our 3 yr old. We decided to go on an outing together - just the 3 of us. Seemed fine, until he said (while ds was asleep in car) that he still didn't understand how I could leave....ummm I said 'because of your drinking' and this convo went on for a little bit with his professing his confusion at how I could leave and me TELLING him again why, and that I'd told him before, emailed a letter to him no less. GAH!!! How can a smart person possibly be so dense??? Am I missing something here??! Then for some reason, nice codependant I am I guess, I said we could talk about it some time. I'm so sick of talking to him about his problems! Sorry for the rant but please please just send some wisdom my way cuz I really need it right now! Thanks

CentralOhioDad

You are NOT one bit crazy. Thye will try to make us crazy, that's to deflect us from their issues, but we're not the crazy ones. Over time, sometimes we do become just as crazy, sadly enough.

Be strong!

PohsFriend

I feel so sorry for you guys who need to be driven crazy... I can walk from here.

Seriously though, maybe it's as confusing for him. When my beloved and I have had some really good healing talks and she is frustrated with how I reacted then versus now I just say "I did the best I could with the tools I had at the time, I have more now".

My guess is that you did the best you could at the time with the tools you had available.??? It's a hard answer for anyone to argue with.

LoveMeNow

Seems his denial still runs deep. You can not change that, you can only decide if you want to engage in it. If he still drinking, I wouldn't waste my energy.

ETA - have you been working on your codependency?

Punkin50

I am so sorry you are going through this. Have you ever noticed when an alcoholic talks its ALL ABOUT him/her? They don't stop to realize the pain and suffering we have gone through just dealing with them. That will for sure make a person crazy. I sat the other night and just tried to explain to my son why I went back a second time after all he did the first time. I JUST KNEW IT WOULD BE DIFFERENT, wrong............... I got so sick of hearing about him this, him that. No, you are not crazy, that is why you left, to keep from going crazy. Best of luck!

dollydo

No, you are fine...it's him.

SparkleKitty

I imagine to him it's like if someone said to us, "It's because of your BREATHING."

ZiggyB

Hey, mine still thinks he left me because of my problems. :-P

NYCDoglvr

As a recovering alcoholic I can say with experience that active alcoholics have very distorted thinking. AA founder Bill Wilson called it the "disease of insanity". Not the crazy things people do when drunk but the act of picking up a substance that causes pain and misery to himself and others.

PixieGirl

Thanks everyone! *deep cleansing breath* That really does help just to hear that. Maybe I need to read Codependant No More a third time! I've been doing really well away from his crazy talk and I think it just threw me for a loop to deal with that again. I don't know if he's actively drinking, not when he's got the little guy anyways, I don't really care what he does when he's on his own.
Sparkle Kitty I had to stop myself from laughing out loud at work at your comment!

mmk11

You are not crazy! He keeps asking you the same question hoping for a different response. He doesn't like that you left him because of his drinking - it is incomprehensible to him.

Carol Star

The "isms" of alcoholism- I, Self, and Me !