pattyG

I had blocked my ex's number two days ago because of the abandonment I felt. Yesterday, I went to drop off the last of her stuff while she should've been at work. I got there and heard her taking about me to her sister-in-law. She was saying how I was crazy and didn't really love my kids. I left at that point, yet i am trying to realize that this is her TRUE opinion of me. It doesn't matter that my life is my kids and my elderly mom, in her mind i don't love them enough. I sent her a text to let her know her stuff was out there and told her she was wrong (not that nicely). This morning she relayed a message thru my babysitter that she didn't want me near her house again and she had blocked my phone and she was "never giving up the kids". While I had felt that the no contact was not permenant and I would eventually allow her to see the kids (they love each other despite her disease), I now feel like she may poison them with her opinions of me. So I am no contact whether I like it or not.
I am aching inside....sometimes a ball starts to roll and you never know how its going to turn out. I know she can't make me happy, that me and my kids deserve more. That as much as I tried to make the a family these are MY kids. I birthed them, supported them, and I live for them.

ReflectingOnMe

I'm on day 44 of no contact. Is it/was it painful yes. But you know I don't dream of him anymore. I don't wake up sobbing any more. I don't answer my phone hoping it is him anymore. I don't care that he thinks I drink to much diet soda. I don't care that he doesn't like my choice in music. I don't like that he doesn't like me. I don't cry when the gbaby asks why it is this way.

I did hardcore no contact. Turned off phone for the first week. Told my family and friends an alternate way to reach me. Deleted FB. This is do-able. I hope you realize that children (even super young ones) learn from every action, reaction (verbal or not) that surrounds them.

There is a great post on here about letting go. It hurts, we cry, we dust ourselves off and we get right back up.

Hope your day improves.

Katiekate

Hi pattyG, I just read your first post on the forum.

You might want to read it again, because what I see is that nothing has changed.

You original post was also filled with threats of abandonment, blame shifting etc etc etc...

It sounds like you are driving yourself nuts and at the same time trying to keep a family in tact.

Your children are being used as a weapon against you.

Maybe consider counseling, al anon, a support system so that you can move toward peace and away from chaos.

Katie xo

dollydo

^^^...I agree with KK and I would go no contact, children should not be exposed to her toxic behavior.