I need to do this
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 7
I need to do this
I really don't know where to start. This is something I have been needing to do for a long time. I used to party hard in college and I thought I would eventually Grow out of it, I thought I would "grow up" so to speak when I got out of that town and got a job. Life throws curve balls your way and like so many others, my plans did not go as expected. I got married and had a son. And I still binge drink. Usually once a week, always more than 7 or 8 drinks. I black out every time and I am worthless the next day. I know I am not living up to my full potential and I am not giving my son the mother he deserves. Instead of playing with him on the floor right now, I am nursing yet another hangover, muttering the same empty promise to myself: never again. But this time has to count. My son will be one soon and as he get older, he becomes more aware. I'm tired,so so tired of vast empty painful blurry mornings. I usually only binge once a week, usually on Fridays or Saturdays when I know my husband will be home to wake up with our son in the morning. However, I proceeded to get drunk on a 24 ounce can of icehouse and a bottle of wine last night. This has got to stop. I black out every single time. I'm tired of waking up In the morning wondering what the hell I may have said or done to my husband the night before. I'm good about not wanting booze until about 8 or 9 pm, and then that craving hits. A few weekends ago I managed to put away an entire 12 pack of PBR. I can't even begin to imagine what this is doing to my body. Why is it that I can't just drink one or two and not want anymore. Why is it that I have no problems with abstaining from alcohol when I'm pregnant, but I can't abstain at any other time. I need some help, some moral support, because as I look down at my son smiling up at me wanting his mommy to play with him I just know for a FACT that its time to make a change now. Anyways, thank you for reading this, I look forward to joining this community.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,761
to the family! It's good that you want to stop drinking. Your child will never grow up in a dysfunctional drinking home. There are lots of ways to stop drinking and stay sober. Many programs out there. I stopped with a combination of counseling and daily visits to this site. it's worked for me for three years now.
I pray you find a way that works for you. :ghug3
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 7
Thanks y'all, I appreciate the warm welcomes. I've said "I'm going to stop" just about every time I do this, but this time I am going to actually put more effort into it, instead of just making another empty promise to my husband and son. I just need to find a way to stop the cravings when they strike at night. I quit smoking cold turkey for my son because I didn't want him around the smoke. I can quit this as well.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: fort wayne, IN.
Posts: 1,085
Toddlers are great motivators. I quit when I was 30 because of them. There is nothing quite as impossible as waking up with a hangover, changing diapers. doing the highchair thing and listening to Big Birds screechy voice on the TV. Yeah, Big Bird sounds screechy when I am hungover.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,065
Hi Never,
Welcome to SR! My wife and I have been sober 76 days!
Just one little question--where does your husband fit in? Is he a drinker too? Because I know my wife and I would not be where we are if we didn't have each other's support.
Welcome to SR! My wife and I have been sober 76 days!
Just one little question--where does your husband fit in? Is he a drinker too? Because I know my wife and I would not be where we are if we didn't have each other's support.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by escapist 
Toddlers are great motivators. I quit when I was 30 because of them. There is nothing quite as impossible as waking up with a hangover, changing diapers. doing the highchair thing and listening to Big Birds screechy voice on the TV. Yeah, Big Bird sounds screechy when I am hungover.
Originally Posted by Coldfusion
Hi Never,
Welcome to SR! My wife and I have been sober 76 days!
Just one little question--where does your husband fit in? Is he a drinker too? Because I know my wife and I would not be where we are if we didn't have each other's support.
Welcome to SR! My wife and I have been sober 76 days!
Just one little question--where does your husband fit in? Is he a drinker too? Because I know my wife and I would not be where we are if we didn't have each other's support.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Northeast
Posts: 441
This is a great place to talk and gain valuable advice, support, and information. I noticed you said you thought you would "grow up" after the college/partying years of your youth. Thats what I thought, too. I was reading a thread a few days ago and someone was talking about how they need to finally grow up and a huge light bulb went off for me. I am 28 years old and still act like I'm in college, or like I have all the time in the world to "get it together". The time is now, finally. Good luck & I hope to talk to you more on the forums.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Welcome--glad to see you here.
Well, starting with those middle-of-the-night cravings, have you gotten ALL the alcohol out of the house? If not, start with that. Now, while you are still feeling crappy.
Take every bottle or can over to the sink and pour it down the drain. Put the empties outside, where you don't have to look at them or smell them.
Do not buy any more alcohol. Yes, it is always possible to go out and buy more, but if you do not keep it in the house, you will at least have to go through some extra steps to satisfy those urges that strike at unexpected times. That gives you time to think it through, to post here, or to call someone.
If you haven't been to an AA meeting, it might be good to check it out. You don't have to be a daily drinker to be an alcoholic. AA's "Big Book" defines alcoholism as a condition that causes the sufferer to obsess over alcohol when he or she is not drinking, and an inability to stop once he or she starts. Sounds sort of like what you are describing, doesn't it? The only way to stop is to STOP. Completely. If you have that abnormal condition, then every time you drink you are feeding the addiction, reinforcing it.
You may hear some people tell horrible tales about their drinking and reason you aren't "that bad." Most people don't start off "that bad" (though some do), but this is a condition that progresses. If you've never had anything horrible happen as a result of your drinking, you are fortunate. You have a small child. Suppose during one of your binge nights he had a medical emergency? Suppose he got into the things small children sometimes do and you were passed out? All of the things that haven't happened to you as a result of your drinking COULD happen if you don't deal with the problem.
Well, starting with those middle-of-the-night cravings, have you gotten ALL the alcohol out of the house? If not, start with that. Now, while you are still feeling crappy.
Take every bottle or can over to the sink and pour it down the drain. Put the empties outside, where you don't have to look at them or smell them.
Do not buy any more alcohol. Yes, it is always possible to go out and buy more, but if you do not keep it in the house, you will at least have to go through some extra steps to satisfy those urges that strike at unexpected times. That gives you time to think it through, to post here, or to call someone.
If you haven't been to an AA meeting, it might be good to check it out. You don't have to be a daily drinker to be an alcoholic. AA's "Big Book" defines alcoholism as a condition that causes the sufferer to obsess over alcohol when he or she is not drinking, and an inability to stop once he or she starts. Sounds sort of like what you are describing, doesn't it? The only way to stop is to STOP. Completely. If you have that abnormal condition, then every time you drink you are feeding the addiction, reinforcing it.
You may hear some people tell horrible tales about their drinking and reason you aren't "that bad." Most people don't start off "that bad" (though some do), but this is a condition that progresses. If you've never had anything horrible happen as a result of your drinking, you are fortunate. You have a small child. Suppose during one of your binge nights he had a medical emergency? Suppose he got into the things small children sometimes do and you were passed out? All of the things that haven't happened to you as a result of your drinking COULD happen if you don't deal with the problem.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by janiebluebird
This is a great place to talk and gain valuable advice, support, and information. I noticed you said you thought you would "grow up" after the college/partying years of your youth. Thats what I thought, too. I was reading a thread a few days ago and someone was talking about how they need to finally grow up and a huge light bulb went off for me. I am 28 years old and still act like I'm in college, or like I have all the time in the world to "get it together". The time is now, finally. Good luck & I hope to talk to you more on the forums.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by LexieCat
Welcome--glad to see you here.
Well, starting with those middle-of-the-night cravings, have you gotten ALL the alcohol out of the house? If not, start with that. Now, while you are still feeling crappy.
Take every bottle or can over to the sink and pour it down the drain. Put the empties outside, where you don't have to look at them or smell them.
Do not buy any more alcohol. Yes, it is always possible to go out and buy more, but if you do not keep it in the house, you will at least have to go through some extra steps to satisfy those urges that strike at unexpected times. That gives you time to think it through, to post here, or to call someone.
If you haven't been to an AA meeting, it might be good to check it out. You don't have to be a daily drinker to be an alcoholic. AA's "Big Book" defines alcoholism as a condition that causes the sufferer to obsess over alcohol when he or she is not drinking, and an inability to stop once he or she starts. Sounds sort of like what you are describing, doesn't it? The only way to stop is to STOP. Completely. If you have that abnormal condition, then every time you drink you are feeding the addiction, reinforcing it.
You may hear some people tell horrible tales about their drinking and reason you aren't "that bad." Most people don't start off "that bad" (though some do), but this is a condition that progresses. If you've never had anything horrible happen as a result of your drinking, you are fortunate. You have a small child. Suppose during one of your binge nights he had a medical emergency? Suppose he got into the things small children sometimes do and you were passed out? All of the things that haven't happened to you as a result of your drinking COULD happen if you don't deal with the problem.
Well, starting with those middle-of-the-night cravings, have you gotten ALL the alcohol out of the house? If not, start with that. Now, while you are still feeling crappy.
Take every bottle or can over to the sink and pour it down the drain. Put the empties outside, where you don't have to look at them or smell them.
Do not buy any more alcohol. Yes, it is always possible to go out and buy more, but if you do not keep it in the house, you will at least have to go through some extra steps to satisfy those urges that strike at unexpected times. That gives you time to think it through, to post here, or to call someone.
If you haven't been to an AA meeting, it might be good to check it out. You don't have to be a daily drinker to be an alcoholic. AA's "Big Book" defines alcoholism as a condition that causes the sufferer to obsess over alcohol when he or she is not drinking, and an inability to stop once he or she starts. Sounds sort of like what you are describing, doesn't it? The only way to stop is to STOP. Completely. If you have that abnormal condition, then every time you drink you are feeding the addiction, reinforcing it.
You may hear some people tell horrible tales about their drinking and reason you aren't "that bad." Most people don't start off "that bad" (though some do), but this is a condition that progresses. If you've never had anything horrible happen as a result of your drinking, you are fortunate. You have a small child. Suppose during one of your binge nights he had a medical emergency? Suppose he got into the things small children sometimes do and you were passed out? All of the things that haven't happened to you as a result of your drinking COULD happen if you don't deal with the problem.
I have been thinking about going to find an AA meeting, but I am unsure how to go about it. I suppose my biggest fear in that regard is being recognized by someone in my husbands unit. I'm unsure what kind of impact it may have on his career. But you're right I need to look into it.
Those scenarios regarding my son is precisely why I need to stop drinking. Several times I have awoken from a blackout and thought to myself "what if there had been a fire between the time my husband went to work and now, we would have likely died." It's those scenarios that terrify my and prove that I really need to quit.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Just google AA in your geographical area. I can almost guarantee there will be a ton of meetings near you, at all different hours of the day. Some of them may even provide childcare--that would be up to each individual group. But I assume you have a sitter you could call on.
Folks in AA take anonymity VERY seriously. You might very well run into someone you know, but in all my years of being around AA (I've been a member for four and a half years but my first husband was sober throughout our marriage--just celebrated 33 years of sobriety), I have NEVER heard of anyone who experienced a negative consequence as a result of being seen by anyone at an AA meeting. Most people will be there for the same reason you are, and will offer you nothing but good wishes and support.
I'd go for it. Let people know that you are new and that you would like some phone numbers. Most groups will pass around a meeting list or a sheet of paper for people to put their numbers on it for you to call (women for women, men for men). It would be really great for you to have those numbers for additional support and reinforcement while your husband is away.
I found going to lots of meetings early on great for breaking me out of my self-imposed social isolation. I used to just come home from work and drink. By going to a meeting every night (which I did for the first 90 days) I did something positive for my sobriety every day, made new friends, and just generally got off to a good, solid start.
Folks in AA take anonymity VERY seriously. You might very well run into someone you know, but in all my years of being around AA (I've been a member for four and a half years but my first husband was sober throughout our marriage--just celebrated 33 years of sobriety), I have NEVER heard of anyone who experienced a negative consequence as a result of being seen by anyone at an AA meeting. Most people will be there for the same reason you are, and will offer you nothing but good wishes and support.
I'd go for it. Let people know that you are new and that you would like some phone numbers. Most groups will pass around a meeting list or a sheet of paper for people to put their numbers on it for you to call (women for women, men for men). It would be really great for you to have those numbers for additional support and reinforcement while your husband is away.
I found going to lots of meetings early on great for breaking me out of my self-imposed social isolation. I used to just come home from work and drink. By going to a meeting every night (which I did for the first 90 days) I did something positive for my sobriety every day, made new friends, and just generally got off to a good, solid start.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,065
Never, I bet there's a spouse's support group for your base...
My wife is less enthusiastic about the meetings than I am. But we both know it is the key to sustained sobriety,
Remember, "Anonymous" is AA's last name. On this little island where I live, everybody knows my car. The AA meetings are three doors down from the Tavern--everybody knows who parks at which place.
When I see AA fellows at the grocery store, I'll say hello or not. Once, an AA member got in line behind me when I was buying wine. She said "Hello."
My wife is less enthusiastic about the meetings than I am. But we both know it is the key to sustained sobriety,
Remember, "Anonymous" is AA's last name. On this little island where I live, everybody knows my car. The AA meetings are three doors down from the Tavern--everybody knows who parks at which place.
When I see AA fellows at the grocery store, I'll say hello or not. Once, an AA member got in line behind me when I was buying wine. She said "Hello."
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Northeast
Posts: 441
Thats a definite added challenge, being in a living environment with other people around your age who are drinking an partying. If I were you I'd remove myself from the environment during the nights when everyone will be drinking, even if you just go to an AA meeting for an hour to get yourself in the right mentality. You can always go to one a town or two over. A few years ago I took a course in college called "The Psychology of Drug and Alcohol Addiction" and we were required to attend a 12 step meeting, but the professor specifically said to go a few towns away so we don't see people we know.
Either that or stay in, stay plugged into this site, and plan to do something sober. Remind yourself how great it feels to wake up fresh in the morning, and don't forget how badly it feels to wake up hung over.
Either that or stay in, stay plugged into this site, and plan to do something sober. Remind yourself how great it feels to wake up fresh in the morning, and don't forget how badly it feels to wake up hung over.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: highland beach, florida
Posts: 649
Hi Neveragain,
Well you quit once for the sake of your son, so you know your LOVE for him is where you get your strength. I would say go back to thinking about getting sober for him.....or get pregnant again or at least pretend you are. LOL!
How's that for advice. Love is very motivating ! I hope it will give you the courage to try again.:ghug3
Well you quit once for the sake of your son, so you know your LOVE for him is where you get your strength. I would say go back to thinking about getting sober for him.....or get pregnant again or at least pretend you are. LOL!
How's that for advice. Love is very motivating ! I hope it will give you the courage to try again.:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Keep Trying
Posts: 370
Originally Posted by escapist
Toddlers are great motivators. I quit when I was 30 because of them. There is nothing quite as impossible as waking up with a hangover, changing diapers. doing the highchair thing and listening to Big Birds screechy voice on the TV. Yeah, Big Bird sounds screechy when I am hungover.
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