FaithNhope12

Tonight I sit here full of anxiety.. my AH has said he is going to quit using on thursday ... Although I don't believe him I'm more scared of what I should do and have to do when it comes around and Friday he is still using .... Do I have to let him go ? I don't know how I should be anymore or what actions I should take to get control and sanity back in my life...
I'm angry and over it .... please help

Lily1918

mine has been "sober" since the first of the year, after 3 months of "this is the last pick up I swear"
-_- I wish I had advice, I guess I just want to say you aren't alone

Jody675

just keep reminding yourself that
you didnt cause it
you cant change it
you cant cure it.

go get yourself a massage, and if he wants it he will do it. but dont let it take over your life. start concentrating on what YOU CAN do, and what you DO have CONTROL over. YOURSELF. find a good counsellor, and read and keep posting. the answers you seek are all here, and inside of yourself. like your husband, you have to want to change for your own reasons. nothing changes if nothing changes. what are you going to do to change your situation? dont leave it up to your husband to drive the decisions on where your life next goes.

keep posting, and try and concentrate on your own journey and let your husband have his.

hugs

FaithNhope12

Thank you.. I keep looking for answers in what I should do because I don't know what is the right thing ..

EnglishGarden

Yes. The answer to "Do I have to let him go?" is YES.

You have infant twins and a drug addict husband who went to rehab and is right back at it again. Drug addicts and babies do not mix.

You separated from him before, and if he is using again, then the dealbreaker for this drug addict father of two little babies is sealed and done: he has to go.

We can only make decisions for the present and you have all the information you need to make a reality-based decision as the mother of two small children: no drugs addicts in their home. It is a fact that children of active addicts are considered victims of abuse.

You can do it again. You can kick him out. And you really have no choice.

He is far from a bottom, by the way, he squeezed past most of the consequences of his arrest and went right back out weeks after rehab, right? Drugs are working for him. He is not flat on the ground with every ounce of hope nearly drained from him. The drug life is working. And his promises to quit "on Thursday" may continue another ten years.

Find an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon group and stay with SR and you will find the support you need to allow him to experience the full consequences of his addiction.

My bet is he will be as much a drug addict this Saturday as he is this Monday. So make a plan, dear, get help from friends and family, and off he goes. It could save his life. But it will definitely defend the lives of your babies.

First things first, as they say in Al-Anon. For you, the first thing is getting the drug addict out of the children's sanctuary.

Jody675

did he mention which thursday?

FaithNhope12

Everyone makes a lot of sense. Thanks for the input.. We will see what happens but I know what I must do for their sake

dollydo

Children first, they must be protected from addiction...you are their voice, their future, do what is best for them...he is not in recovery...he is giving you lip service...forget his words, they mean nothing, it is all about actions...what do his actions tell you?

FaithNhope12

Thank you all for the help. I sure had enough of the bs and want my life back

Hanna

I am reminded of the movie "Singles" where Bridget Fonda's character is crazy about this guy and lets him treat her terribly. But then one day she sneezes and he doesn't say "God bless you." And that's all she needed to give him the boot. That was her line and he crossed it.

Someone told me once that I remind them of that character. (!!!)

You will do what you do. Only you can decide what you are willing to put up with from him. If you pray, then pray that you will know what to do when faced with each situation and also for the strength to do it.

outtolunch

Then take it back.

He's using again. What he does or not come Thursday or Friday or any day thereafter no longer matters.

You are a mama and have to put their best interests before his or your own, for that matter.

lightseeker

I was glad to get the background info - didn't realize that you had babies and that he had already been to rehab.

No one says that you have to stop believing in him or loving him. However, your children deserve to live in a drug free home and one where their mother isn't wondering what their dad is doing.

I promise you - if you expose your children to someone in addiction you are either teaching them to be a user or an enabler.

Break the cycle. Show your babies what to do to take care of themselves. How are you going to feel when one of them stays and stays with a relapsing addict? How are you going to feel when one of them is picking up and destroying their life? Let that give you the courage to do what you need to do.

You wonder how I might know what I know? It's because I didn't do what I am telling you. I didn't have the courage. And now I am having to dig deep and find the courage to do it with my child. Damn! It would have been a whole lot easier to do with a spouse. Trust me - I know the difference.