Pataphor

What an uncomfortable feeling that is...to reach for an old "friend" who isn't there.

Mixed emotions and the conversation with my self goes something like this:

"Oh Yeah, I forgot, is that good or bad?"
"I shouldn't judge it be... Zen."
"I'm okay".
"Its the game, habit, same couch, same you."
"boy, that would be nice right now...I can imagine it."
"stop it."
"this is normal"
"really, this sucks."
"stop it."

another long sigh - made it through.

Xune

I acknowledge that my addictive voice exists, but I refuse to engage it in conversation.

I just remind myself that I no longer drink alcohol and that voice buggers off.

chuwantmybuffet

I hear you about the voices, the sub-concious speaking to you. Im about two days clean and just got back from another run.(heroin user) Don't let your disease tell you its okay because its not. Let me tell you that I thought it was ok to use one day and bam...2 months fly by and im withdrawing and feeling all types of pains and guilt. I too am an alcoholic but ive reached a point where ive been clean from alcohol for 5 months but the heroin has still has a tight grip on me. I hope I can shed a little light on your situation to tell you that your doing great and day 13 is a big move. Be strong, live long!

Eliz181144

I know exactly what you mean. So hard to go without wine even though I take a step back and say: are you kidding? wine? people are dying, starving, insert massive injustice and you're whining about wine?? Then it subsides but comes roaring back in short order.

Seems this is normal for where we're at. I guess this is why meetings/service tends to be so effective.

Anna

Have you read "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp. It's an amazing book by a young, successful alcoholic and her love affair with wine. It's deeply honest and raw and it made me believe that if she could do it, I could do it.

Hevyn

Hi Pataphor. I went through all of that, too. It's early days yet - those feelings will subside and quiet down. It's a process, and you'll go through many phases as you heal. Congratulations on your 13 days. You're doing great.

Pataphor

I loved that book Anna, I think I read it in a wine haze...maybe I will try again sober!
Thanks for the insightful thoughts all, this forum really does help. I will try not to sound like such a Debbie Downer!

junk33

I just bailed after 12 days ,it sucks big time , remember how you spring out of bed and have that energy ? keep it going ,it aint worth it to drink , im back to day 1 ..I wish i was still where you are ..

Hevyn

Junk, you are going to make this. You came back to try again - that's what's important.

nonblondechef

Pataphor that was me exactly one year ago today. I would literally reach out to the side table to grab my glass of wine that was not there. After about a month, it pretty much ceased. Now, one year of continuous sobriety, it does not happen at all, however, Imust say my love of hot herbal tea at night has become a necessity :-) Keep up the great work - silence the beast - onward and upward!! Love, NBC

Pataphor

Junk - We have all been where you are, your honesty really struck me. You know it wont be as bad if you start right back in - you can do it!
nonblonde, thanks so much for posting that, I am a foodie\cook and it kills not to have a glass of wine "chefs prerogative" while I'm in the kitchen listening to NPR.
I hope to be where you are in a year.