tg2013

Hi all. First post...
Question: I finally decided yesterday to never drink again and that I am completely powerless over my drinking. That being said, I have RSVP'd yes to a girlfriends bday party this Wednesday at a wine room. After reading your posts to others I feel like I shouldn't go. I feel I can go and not have a drink but I am wondering if it will effect me in that I keep thinking about how great and fun wine is and why can't I just be like everyone else and stop after a few..

My friend is going to question why I can't go..should I make up an excuse and offer to take her to lunch for her bday or tell her the truth. I am scared of telling the truth as I am ashamed that I am an alcoholic.

My big fear in quitting in the past is what will I tell my friends in drink settings and will they think less of me if I admit I am powerless over alcohol...

Thanks

4WWWW

Hello my friend.

I would be totally honest eith her. Anyways, you cant hide it forever from girlfriend. She will probably understand and support you if she gives a .....

Be strong and goodluck!
_____________________________________
Being Sober > Any Temptation

vegibean

I agree with 4W, be honest, tell her that you're trying to stay away from alcohol for a while but see if she'd but up for a rain-check for lunch or something else?

If you just decided yesterday that you do not want to drink, don't put yourself in a position where you're going to be tempted. THAT would not be good for you.

BlueEyedBoy

It sounds to me like you already know what you should do. I personally would avoid it and take her out for lunch, 1 to 1. If you are honest with why you can't go, you can maybe have a more in-depth chat about your alcoholism when you meet face to face.

You have made an amazingly strong decision-well done!

FreeFall

It sounds like it's too early for you to try that-you just made the decision and it would be really easy to say "I'll drink today and start tomorrow" that early on. You are already questioning yourself about how it will make you feel so it might be wise to skip this one and do the lunch thing instead. You could just say you're sick for now without getting into details.

I don't think you have to tell all your friends "I'm powerless over alcohol and an alcoholic". You can say you're taking a break from drinking, or are on a health kick, or it's a New Year's resolution or the like. Eventually, when you feel stronger you can share more details with close friends if you're comfortable doing so.

Try not to worry so much about what other people think. You're doing this for your health and well being. True friends will applaud you and support your efforts. Those that don't either have drinking issues of their own, or are not truly on your side.

LadyinBC

If your friends will think less of you then I don't think they are friends to begin with.

I personally wouldn't go so soon into my recovery but that is just me. I personally couldn't think of anything but booze when I first quit. I wouldn't want to set myself up for a relapse. Everyone has to do what makes them feel comfortable. Remember to do what is best for YOU, not everyone else.

I told some friends when I was ready to, everyone has their own comfort level when it comes to this. There are some people I haven't told and probably won't. I have told people that I can't drink because I'm on Paxil and just leave it at that.

tg2013

Thanks for your fast feedback. I truly appreciate it..I am not going and will tell her for now an excuse and the real reason later when I am stronger.

Itchy

I think you made the right decision! However may I make one more suggestion? Quickly tell her you won't be able to attend her party Wednesday but would like to take her to lunch for her bday the day before, on Tuesday, or even tomorrow. Then at lunch you can tell her why you choose to avoid drinking situtions early in your sobriety.

If you do, it is important to say won't be able to attend her party. Why? For you as much as her. While it is true we can't drink without dire consequences, we still choose not to drink. We can drink, we choose not to experience the consequences. We are not depriving ourselves. We are surviving, ourselves!

So taking responsibility for taking action is important for you in referring to your sobriety. And for her, you were loyal enough not to mislead her by saying can't because you most certainly could.

Taking her to lunch before her party says she is important enough not to blow off with the vague and insincere "Let's do lunch sometime" throw out made to those we would never have lunch with voluntarily. And she will be able to say you won't be making it to the other party goers and tell them of the esteem you hold her in. May I also suggest that you decide whether to ask her to tell the others that you needed some space from alcohol for awhile, or say specifically that you would like her to keep it quiet. Knowing human nature, it will come up eventually, and you can handle each the same. So it is important you give permission or ask for confidentiality. This also plays into your care, respect, and trust for her.

Congrats! Hang in there, and here!

Xune

Respect your recovery. Would attending the party help you stay sober so early in recovery?

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Tg

This was my fear too. It took me a while to realise though that my fears are a reflection of my own thoughts, not my friends With my friends, if I am happy, then they are happy. Concentrate on your own feelings for now. I found that I worried what other people would think because I still wasn't comfortable with it myself. For me that came with time. Telling people early in recovery had mixed results for me. It is likely that friends will try and reassure you that you're not an alcoholic really, just to be nice, but that can be pretty damaging. If you don't feel comfortable don't tell her yet.

Glad you're here x