crazybabie

Is there anyone out there that had lost their self esteem that is willing too share things that helped them get it back?

vegibean

Talking, but mostly therapy. If you are feeling lowly about yourself you need to figure out why. What happened to you in your past, what is your "stinkin' think'" telling you? Were you abused as a child, as an adult, verbally abused? So many things can affect you in that way.

I'm starting therapy again next week because I need to talk to someone, a lot has changed for me in the last five years and I'm having issues, so therapy is what I'm choosing to do. I'm studying Psychology, and it's my goal to help others in this area and for reasons like that.

Low self esteem is no good, and you deserve to not only love yourself, but also like yourself.

I don't know if that helps, but I bet whatever it is with you, it has something to do with what has happened to you in the past.

Best to you! :ghug3

Kindeyes

Angie
For me, there is nothing better for my self esteem than simply taking care of myself. My mother always use to tell me that it's important to get up and put makeup on. Blah...I wouldn't feel like doing that.....but you know....mom was right. I always get up and put makeup on now. It helps me feel better about me. And as for Mom....she's 78 and still gets up and puts her makeup on every single day. Gosh I love that lady.

Other things that help my self esteem....

I don't talk to myself negatively.....nothing gets me down faster than that.
I don't care what others think about me.....I'll always think they think the worst......I don't need that.
I do little things for myself (paint my toenails, take a hot shower, curl my hair, etc)
Meet with a friend for coffee.
Take a walk.....and breathe in the fresh air.....and listen to the noises of nature.
Read positive quotes and literature.
Do yoga (even if you can't do it perfectly, it helps)
Love yourself.........you're definitely worth it.

much love and gentle hugs
ke

ggsings4him

The closer I got in my relationship with the Lord I started to no longer believe the lies that I had believed about myself. I started to see myself as God sees me: Psalm 139:14 New International Version (NIV)
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,I know that full well.
God looks at our hearts, not the outward appearance. No matter what anyone says about me now I just say its a lie and that it has no power over me and I actually say it out loud!

I will not let others opinions of me or what they say about me control me or take any power over me. I know what God says about me, and what he says is true and it is only what he thinks that counts anyways!

Bless you and believe that you are God's wonderful workmanship in Christ Jesus!

aasharon90

Talking about makeup....i learned from my
mom about makeup because she was an
elegant looking cosmetician always looking
her best on the outside. However, no one
knew she was a Dr. Jeckle/ Mr. Hyde personality
where people outside the home saw the lovely
person she was and I saw the ugly person
who with her own demons with prescription
meds mixed with alcohol abused me physically,
verbally and emotionally.

I learned to use make up all my life which
had become a mask to hide behind. To hide
the unhappiness, lies, i kept close to the vest.

Recovery helped me unmask the ugliness I
felt about myself and set me on a new path
of happiness and freedom I had not experienced
before. As for make-up, ive become comfortable
with my own positive self esteem to walk out in
public without it.

I must not be as scarry as I thought I was
because strangers stop and talk to me without
running away... lol

dollydo

I don't know that I have totally lost my self-esteem, as, I always attempt to have an ongoing project to keep it intact.

Right now, I am planning to secure yet another degree...not that I need it for anything...as, I am retired and possibly already educated beyond my intelligence level. I am going to do it for my own amazement/ amusement and prove to myself that at age 65, I can still do it.

I like challenges, I like to create a positive mindset for myself and others, day in and day out.

I believe that self-esteem is another one of those inside jobs, it is created and substained from within. Others can neither take away my self-esteem nor give it to me.

IMO, Kindeyes opening statement says it all...take care of you! Build on your strenghts, feed yourself positive thoughts, reaffirm them daily.

Believe In You, you are special, never forget that!

neferkamichael

Crazybabie, you are FANTASTIC. Thank you for this thread. As I sit here waiting for my lawyer to call about my DL, waitng to here about the next job, waiting for my OSHA card to come in the mail, I'm at least as anxious as I was waiting for tha next hit of crack, or drink, or cigarette. I'm in this limbo situation that keeps dragging on and on and on, and it's driving me crazy. Makes me wonder if there are self-esteem issues I need to address. Thanks.

Kindeyes

That is so cool. Good for you! I also am a lifelong learner.....current ambition is to learn another language.

I love the yin and yang of the makeup issue. It just goes to prove that we all find ways to feel good about ourselves and take care of ourselves in whatever manner makes US feel good! And that's the bottom line when it comes to self esteem.....finding what makes you feel good about yourself and doing more of that....whatever that is. The most important thing about self esteem is the word "self"......it has to do with how we view ourselves.......how we feel about ourselves......it has nothing to do with how others view us (and that's none of our business anyway, right?).

Working the 12 steps has probably done more to help me accept myself than anything else I have ever done.....or maybe it's just getting older.....who knows. I am more comfortable in my own skin now than I have ever been in my life. It feels good. I believe that the mind is a powerful tool.....it can work for us......it can work against us and we have more control than we give ourselves credit for.

gentle hugs
ke

story74

My case mightbe a little strange. Looking back, I never had much self esteem. In fact, being with my xah for 16 years, I find this strange. He should of made me feel better about myself...right? Nope. The past 2 years, since he has completely abandoned and cheated on his family, I have found myself. I am proud of myself because I see what a good mother I am. I go to work everyday and hear compliments from others about my work and my personality. I realized, I am a good person. I am worthy. For me, just making good choices on a daily basis makes me proud of who I am. I am single and independent and I can do it by myself. I think you need to focus on all the positive things you do. If you give a friend a smile, and work hard...be proud. You have to start liking yourself. Surround yourself with good.

zoso77

I like this topic, and I would like to include how the addict would try to chip away at our values and boundaries.

My self esteem was, most of the time, pretty solid. But what my AXGF would try to do was chip away at whatever boundaries I had set by either blatantly ignoring them or mocking me. And I admit there were a couple of times I buckled under her barrage. But as time went on, I got stronger and I held firm on things that were really important to me. And that resulted in some big, big blowouts between the two of us.

My favorite episode was when I went to visit my brother in Florida without her for a long weekend. I needed to get away, I was fried. And she was pissed and did her best to try to ruin my trip. So, I blew her off until I came home, and when I came home, I told her straight out that I had the right to go visit my brother without her, I had the right to manage my own mental health, and if she didn't like it, too bad.

In hindsight, the fact that she's Borderline explains her chaffing under what I established. At the end, her final text message to me was her telling me she thought I was pathetic and she finally had grace and dignity...

And I read that a few times...then a few more times...and I said aloud...what a crock of sh*t...bullsh*t...who the hell is she trying to kid...

So, there were a lot of wrong moves and wrong steps I made during our relationship, but throughout it, I did a lot of good things, too. None of us hit a thousand. But there will be bobsledding in Hell before I allow someone to chip away at my self esteem.

ZoSo

RoseMadder

I have found that positive self-talk is very helpful. Using self-affirmations was a good way to replace the negative tapes that played in my head.
Setting and achieving goals has been the biggest help in restoring my self-esteem.

Vale

================
WE hold you in high esteem,craziebabie.....
so why would you care what idiots think?

If you hold YOURSELF in low esteem,be forewarned
that human beings are notoriously abyssmal self evaluators.

coolrobin2

Self-esteem; I lost mine then I get it back, then I lose it again. My daughter is doing great; she has been off the pills for about a year now. My son is in a rehab program and doing great. Since they have been doing better, I've been able to get my business off the ground and grow it.

Personally, though, the pills have completely taken my social life and my middle child who is mother to my grandchild hasn't talked to me in over a year because I never gave up on the other two. I am afraid to date, extremely lonely, and afraid that either I'll meet someone who judges me because of the kids or I will become attracted to an addict. Nights like tonight, the hurt and loneliness is overwhelming.

Still working on it and I know it gets better, but sometimes I feel that I've paid the highest price.

soberlicious

I got my self-esteem back when I stopped being afraid...of everything. When I started saying what I thought without fear of what others thought. When I starting talking to people and looking them in the eye. When I did things I thought I was not strong enough to do and lived through them. When I stopped comparing myself to others. When I decided that my own skin was a comfortable place to be. When I learned that failing is ok. When I learned that there is nothing to fear but fear itself.

rubycanoe

Not sure if I have ever had self esteem , and feel mine is pretty low. I am so thankful for this thread and all the posts. reading through I got tears in my eyes. So many alcoholics and addicts in my life. Sister and brother are A's, husband very physically addicted A and marijauna, stepdaughter addicted and her bf addict. I know I need to take care of myself and am glad that some of them do not live near me and I rarely see them. I am starting to exercie, not drink for myself and my health, try to read, and like others have said to think positive and not care what others think. I also work with an abusive person who criticizes me a lot and that does not help. I really need to take care of myself and so glad you posted this and all the replies!

deeker

Get involved in service work in a 12 step program. Helps a lot.

crazybabie

Thanks, for the responses I have been working with my therapist and we found the core of how I got back to this question.