mrschoices

I guess not being able to make a decision is a sign of low self-esteem. It's like I can't trust my heart anymore.

I did the 12 steps and found God but now in the latter steps I am having difficulty knowing what action to take. I realize today how highly codependent and sick my relationship with parents has been for 30 years.

I am probably just now at the point I am healthy enough to work but until I gain enough money and work history I find myself dependent on my mother and father for help.

This works for them because they control me. I hate the control. But I ask myself today, should I accept their help for one more year until I can get into a safe, clean apartment of my own, or should I get a roommate or single room occupancy and break off with my parents now? I would hate to give up my privacy and have roommates. I don't want to be uncomfortable!

I know that saving them has caused me to repeat that with others as in saving sick men and I've ended up abused in the past. But today I have the knowledge of that so I don't do it anymore. I am out of denial about my family and I basically let my parents control me and I suck up the pain and let my ego deflate. Is this the right thing to do with my mother and father that God chose for me? I still can go on my own course, can't I?

Is recovery allowing them to control me or is it cutting them off or is it somewhere in between?

Not sure what my next move should be as today I am looking at apartments they would pay for. Can I do this for one more year with a plan? Or am I hurting myself and them and maybe I should just find a roommate?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

m1k3

Welcome mrschoices, I'm glad you are here and those are some great questions.

For me, making the choice to move and leave my wife of 36 years was both easy and painful. I moved out when the pain of staying was greater than the pain of leaving.

Be gentle on yourself and take as long as you need to make that decision. The fact you are looking into moving and what your options are is a good start. Me, I simply hit my bottom, moved into the spare bedroom, found an apartment I thought I could afford as was gone. Total time six weeks including the move. I was lucky in that I ended up loving my apartment and I could afford it. It was not out of good planning on my part and I don't recommend it as an intelligent way to plan a move.

Trust your instincts, you will know when it is time to make that decision. Also, try to open yourself to all of the possibilities in front of you, there may be choices available that your HP hasn't showed you yet.

((((Hugs))))

Your friend,

Freedom1990

I am just curious. Do you have a sponsor who you are working the steps with?

vegibean

It sounds like you already know the answer, you're miserable, but it sounds like you need to push yourself to get out of there. I see people do it all the time, they're not happy, but it's "the easier way", but they're miserable at the same time.

You have choices, which ironically enough is the title of your post. Everyone has choices, I'm HAPPY I have choices today, because that means I get to choose to be happy or live in misery, and I will do whatever it takes to make me happy and save my sanity.

Hope that helps.