Lot of this going around it seems....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 47
Lot of this going around it seems....
It's been 6 months since my wife left. Life has been much much better. AlaNon saved me throughout the whole fiasco before during and after she left. Lots of meetings, great sponsor, working steps, etc. BUT! I'm not cured yet apparently, because yesterday I called her. Why? Well to give her advice about finding a job(really because I needed to know if she missed me or was sorry she left). She was glad to get input about job search and definately doesn't miss me or us. She misses the kids, misses the very comfortable lifestyle, she is scared because her last spousal support checks go out in February( she got EVERYTHING she asked for in divorce agreement). But well no she doesn't miss me. And life is not so great in Az. either it seems. She has a tattoo artist freind who helped her out with a few tattoos, nice guy, huh? Wonder what form of payment he got. With all the HELL of the lies and screwing around and harsh words and BS I dealt with I am truly crazy to reach out to her again. As others have been posting lately it can be hard to let go. Tomorrow I will go to a meeting, read a daily readings and call my sponsor. AND not call her again! (I hope).
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
It's hard to let go of the fantasy and the happy ending that we obsessed was always coming!
So life is tough so lets get tatted up especially if she is being "helped out" for free. I didn't realize that tattoos were a great way to help jump start an unsuccessful job search! (Why would she even tell you this I wonder?)
Sometimes the mini relapse is a good thing as we realize that someone was just not relationship material alcohol or no alcohol.
So life is tough so lets get tatted up especially if she is being "helped out" for free. I didn't realize that tattoos were a great way to help jump start an unsuccessful job search! (Why would she even tell you this I wonder?)
Sometimes the mini relapse is a good thing as we realize that someone was just not relationship material alcohol or no alcohol.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 47
Yes! Don't contact one day at a time:))
Great idea! Totally forgot about the one day at a time method. This I can do. And after 27 years with a spouse it's really hard not to drift into the happy ever after fantasies. Heartbreaking when I find myself there fantasising, rarely happens thank God. I am really recovering.I'm pretty fortunate I have this forum and AlaNon locally to help me thru this mini slip.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Oregon
Posts: 138
You know your human... Remember that, I want to reach out to my ex-abf but know if I do it wouldn't matter because he is off drinking somewhere with his new girlfriend that will not care that he drinks. I miss him but the crazy rollercoast I do not miss! Getting off that ride has saved me but still I miss him. It's okay to wonder but it's hard to hear the answer they say and what you really would like to hear.
Keep moving forward and know it will happen someday she will miss it all.... I have a song I heard the other day that was from Pink and it is called "Try". It has a few lines in it about missing people and just getting back up and moving forward. Google it you might like it, or not depending on what type of music you listen to. Take care...
Keep moving forward and know it will happen someday she will miss it all.... I have a song I heard the other day that was from Pink and it is called "Try". It has a few lines in it about missing people and just getting back up and moving forward. Google it you might like it, or not depending on what type of music you listen to. Take care...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 127
We tend to think we need approval from other people when we don't. All we need is God's approval. We get that by continuing to follow the 12 steps and the principles within them and by continuing to try to improve and change.
God wants me to be happy and healthy. That's one way of improving and changing.
As an adult child, what I know best is emotional negligence. Chasing after the approval of those who reject me was normal for me. If you snub me, I'm affected and I seek the approval all the harder.
But not so much anymore.
As I allow God to come in and fill me with His love (and that IS Who He is), I am maturing little by little and learning to tolerate, understand, and accept my parents. THOSE are the "real" people. THAT is the real work.
All I am trying to do here is mature spiritually. Therapy couldn't help me do that. I needed God & principles.
I needed the 12 steps.
I still need the 12 steps.
You have sought recovery. You're a beautiful child of God, perfectly created just as you are.
Believe that with your heart, not your pride - vengeance doesn't work for me...letting go of those who God clearly doesn't see fit for me nor I for them today is Acceptance.
Also, as we work through our own stuff, it's common to take half the focus off ourselves and put it on another person.
In Alanon we keep the focus on ourselves and live and let live.
God bless, keep going, it's worth it...you're worth it.
God wants me to be happy and healthy. That's one way of improving and changing.
As an adult child, what I know best is emotional negligence. Chasing after the approval of those who reject me was normal for me. If you snub me, I'm affected and I seek the approval all the harder.
But not so much anymore.
As I allow God to come in and fill me with His love (and that IS Who He is), I am maturing little by little and learning to tolerate, understand, and accept my parents. THOSE are the "real" people. THAT is the real work.
All I am trying to do here is mature spiritually. Therapy couldn't help me do that. I needed God & principles.
I needed the 12 steps.
I still need the 12 steps.
You have sought recovery. You're a beautiful child of God, perfectly created just as you are.
Believe that with your heart, not your pride - vengeance doesn't work for me...letting go of those who God clearly doesn't see fit for me nor I for them today is Acceptance.
Also, as we work through our own stuff, it's common to take half the focus off ourselves and put it on another person.
In Alanon we keep the focus on ourselves and live and let live.
God bless, keep going, it's worth it...you're worth it.
Originally Posted by Recover53 
It's been 6 months since my wife left. Life has been much much better. AlaNon saved me throughout the whole fiasco before during and after she left. Lots of meetings, great sponsor, working steps, etc. BUT! I'm not cured yet apparently, because yesterday I called her. Why? Well to give her advice about finding a job(really because I needed to know if she missed me or was sorry she left). She was glad to get input about job search and definately doesn't miss me or us. She misses the kids, misses the very comfortable lifestyle, she is scared because her last spousal support checks go out in February( she got EVERYTHING she asked for in divorce agreement). But well no she doesn't miss me. And life is not so great in Az. either it seems. She has a tattoo artist freind who helped her out with a few tattoos, nice guy, huh? Wonder what form of payment he got. With all the HELL of the lies and screwing around and harsh words and BS I dealt with I am truly crazy to reach out to her again. As others have been posting lately it can be hard to let go. Tomorrow I will go to a meeting, read a daily readings and call my sponsor. AND not call her again! (I hope).
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