I am DONE with drinking!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4
I am DONE with drinking!!
Hi everyone, I'm new here and after last night I need to stop drinking completely. I drink about 3-4 times per week and lots of times, I overdo it. I went out with some friends last night and had too much to drink. I got in an argument with the boyfriend when we were drunk and we don't even remember what it was about. Now today we both feel bad (and there is a hole in our bathroom door, great) and I've just had it.
I've cut down on drinking before but now I need to stop completely. One big problem is that my boyfriend has no desire to quit drinking and he never will. Any time I see him crack open a beer, then I want one. Or if I am trying to cut down he will buy me a bottle of wine. I don't want to force him to quit, but I do want to stop drinking myself. Thanks for reading this, I could use some support!
I've cut down on drinking before but now I need to stop completely. One big problem is that my boyfriend has no desire to quit drinking and he never will. Any time I see him crack open a beer, then I want one. Or if I am trying to cut down he will buy me a bottle of wine. I don't want to force him to quit, but I do want to stop drinking myself. Thanks for reading this, I could use some support!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 249
If you don't like the life you're living you need to do what it takes to change it. Sounds pretty obvious, doesn't it. But for whatever reason, we become stuck in "good enough" or just plain not wanting to deal with it, so nothing changes. The longer we allow it to continue, the more ingrained it becomes. Choose the life you want and go get it. Maybe you don't really want the boyfriend you argue with to the point of holes punched in the door and blacking out memories. Maybe you don't really want to be around a drunk, or to be a drunk yourself. Figure out what you want, and what you don't want, and build your life around that ideal.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Calgary, Canada
Posts: 69
It's really tough when your partner drinks...
Both my first and second husbands were anti-drinkers, and marrying these people were the best decisions I made in my life. I had 2 long-term relationships with heavy drinkers...ended worse for them than for me. One guy is dead by now, another spent some time in jail for beating up the security guy at the restaurant after he refused to pay, then resisting the police (needless to say he was trashed out of his mind at this moment).
So ideally... I think it's good to try and have a discussion about drinking and your relationships... And how far he is willing to go...He also needs to understand you, your intentions, and your reasons.
Imagine you actually quit and enjoy your sober life... It's NOT fun or enjoyable having a drunk person around when you are not drunk yourself. You will not find him interesting or attractive. I personally find that when I had my sober periods of life before, I can peacefully tolerate a person who has a beer or two occasionally, maybe gets drunk-ish like once a month with his friends... But I wouldn't want to be around someone who's getting smashed every Friday and is ruining OUR weekend plans.
There is a certain amount of selfishness in all relationships in order for them to work. And I don't mean to "somehow survive", I mean to be happy, fulfilling relationships for both people.
Both my first and second husbands were anti-drinkers, and marrying these people were the best decisions I made in my life. I had 2 long-term relationships with heavy drinkers...ended worse for them than for me. One guy is dead by now, another spent some time in jail for beating up the security guy at the restaurant after he refused to pay, then resisting the police (needless to say he was trashed out of his mind at this moment).
So ideally... I think it's good to try and have a discussion about drinking and your relationships... And how far he is willing to go...He also needs to understand you, your intentions, and your reasons.
Imagine you actually quit and enjoy your sober life... It's NOT fun or enjoyable having a drunk person around when you are not drunk yourself. You will not find him interesting or attractive. I personally find that when I had my sober periods of life before, I can peacefully tolerate a person who has a beer or two occasionally, maybe gets drunk-ish like once a month with his friends... But I wouldn't want to be around someone who's getting smashed every Friday and is ruining OUR weekend plans.
There is a certain amount of selfishness in all relationships in order for them to work. And I don't mean to "somehow survive", I mean to be happy, fulfilling relationships for both people.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
to SR! It's difficult to stop drinking when your partner still drinks, especially if they undermine your sobriety. But it's not impossible. How badly do you want to be sober? Remember, you're getting sober for you, not for anyone else, so his actions can be ignored. Do this for you!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Welcome GoodGhost! We're so glad to have you part of the community. There are some amazing people here to give wonderful support and encouragement.
You sound like me and my husband long ago. We started out having fun and enjoying ourselves. Because we both abused it, alcohol destroyed us over the years. So many nights like you described - arguing into the wee hours and not even remembering why. It's good you're taking a look at what drinking is doing to you. Glad you've come here to talk about it and reach out for help. You'll never regret it.
You sound like me and my husband long ago. We started out having fun and enjoying ourselves. Because we both abused it, alcohol destroyed us over the years. So many nights like you described - arguing into the wee hours and not even remembering why. It's good you're taking a look at what drinking is doing to you. Glad you've come here to talk about it and reach out for help. You'll never regret it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: highland beach, florida
Posts: 649
Hi Terrazinia,
Well it sounds like you know what you have to do if YOU want sobriety. Hopefully your boyfriend will understand and join you in your quest. You will need his support or he will undermine you, but you already know that.
We are here for you for as much support as you need, but i will tell you if your boyfriend does not agree to some changes than you may have to take this journey without him. Actually if he wants to continue drinking it is better to be done with him--you have seen how those relationships turn out.
If you can achieve a sob er life your emotional needs will be much different than what he gives you now, so you won't be missing much. YOU COME FIRST!!
Happy to have you join out little group. We will always be there for you. Good Luck on Day 1.
welcome
Well it sounds like you know what you have to do if YOU want sobriety. Hopefully your boyfriend will understand and join you in your quest. You will need his support or he will undermine you, but you already know that.
We are here for you for as much support as you need, but i will tell you if your boyfriend does not agree to some changes than you may have to take this journey without him. Actually if he wants to continue drinking it is better to be done with him--you have seen how those relationships turn out.
If you can achieve a sob er life your emotional needs will be much different than what he gives you now, so you won't be missing much. YOU COME FIRST!!
Happy to have you join out little group. We will always be there for you. Good Luck on Day 1.
welcome
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Welcome to SR GoodGhost9
Great advice here, and I agree with the other posters - it would be great if everyone had support from their partners but often that's not the case - many here live with partners who drink.
It's not a dealbreaker tho - there's always a ton of support here
I'm glad you've found us
D
Great advice here, and I agree with the other posters - it would be great if everyone had support from their partners but often that's not the case - many here live with partners who drink.
It's not a dealbreaker tho - there's always a ton of support here
I'm glad you've found us
D
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