joyjoyXcore

Hello all!
My Fiance has been in rehab for a little over a month now. He will be there for about a year, so it's a rough time. I have been bringing him cigarettes and necessities and whatnot, but I really want to make him or get him a gift of some sort... when his 28 days ended I made a little photo album and gave that to him and he was so happy with it! I want to do something meaningful but obviously it has to be able to get through all the check points of being able to have it in the rehab.. so nothing too extravagant... If anyone has any ideas Please let me know!

vegibean

How about a men's daily meditation book from Hazelden? I know you probably want to do something sweet, but that's actually a nice gesture and it encourages his recovery. I have a daily meditation book for women from them, and I keep it at work, on my desk so it's always there for me to grab. Hope that helps.

zoso77

Your compassion for every day that he's in there.

ZoSo

Maylie

How about a heart felt long letter. I know if I was in rehab, having something to read and remind myself of how much I am loved and supported would help get me through the hard times.

joyjoyXcore

Thank you everyone!! I have been thinking a book of some sort would be a great idea! And as for long letters, I do write him, everyday and I can't stress enough how much I am here for him and love him. Luckily he is there on his own free will and we discussed all of this before making the decision for treatment. It's rough, but we both know this is what is best for him and for our future together.

allforcnm

Hi there.
When my husband was in rehab, a couple of times I got him little gifts with inspirational quotes, or things we shared between us inscribed on it. Different places also sell small tokens that I think are a really nice idea. A heart shape, or organic type form, etc.
Also something more personalized, you could make a whole little handwritten book, decorated however you want with the same types of inspirational things, reminders of things he loves that he can have once again when he is recovered.

This quote was one my husband reminded me of recently:

I can choose to let it define me, confine me, refine me, outshine me, or I can choose to move on and leave it behind me.

joyjoyXcore

I love that quote!! Thank you so much! I was once tossing around the idea of making a small book of handwritten inspirational quotes and adding on each page a story from our lives and on the front of the book have a picture of us. Thank you again!

allforcnm

Your welcome. I love that idea. It would be personal, and something encouraging maybe at times when he needs a boost. You sound "crafty" like me. I like to make up scrapbook type things, its just plain fun.

joyjoyXcore

It is fun! And it just adds so much value to a gift to know that someone put a lot of thought and effort into it. Especially when he is in rehab and limited to time with me right now so it's also a way of showing him that I'm still spending a lot of time on him. Even if he isn't here next to me right now.

Ilovemysonjj

Hello Joy, that is a very sweet and thoughtful gift and as a Mom of an addict who also was in rehab, he appreciated pictures and heartfelt letters.

joyjoyXcore

Thank you guys so much! I'm sorry I haven't reply'd earlier!!! super crazy, Fiance left rehab... but he's doing awesome, been to at least one meeting a day and now had 80 days today! It's not easy but I'm so very proud of him and he loved his Quote book! in the end result, I ended up getting a journal type book and leaving some space blank for him to keep filling in his own favorite quotes and some new inspiring advice for himself for when he has a bad day. Again, thank you all so much!

ave

didn't you say he was going to be there for a year? what changed? either way, i'm so glad to hear he is doing well! I hope you are too... that scrapbook sounds so lovely!!!! what a wonderful and thoughtful gift. take care

joyjoyXcore

It was supposed to be a year, but unfortunately a lot of rehabs will try to push you out if you're on state funding, and he was... so they look for every reason to make your stay miserable, and his counselor wasn't helping him much. Once they get their check from the state they don't care if you stay or go... so he was tired of getting in trouble for 'watching tv' when he apparently wasn't allowed... it's the smallest things that can make something like that hell... I was very upset with his decision to leave but I understood. every week when he called me he would tell me about how he was upset about something and his counselor wouldn't talk to him about it and I could just tell things weren't peachy in there... But I just went to my first Al-Anon meeting last night... it was actually a terrible experience for me. which is upsetting... I'm a very young adult.... and I felt like the meeting that I attended should NOT have been a 'beginners' meeting like it was supposed to be... there was nobody under the age of 45, which isn't a bad thing, please don't get me wrong on this. but It was very uncomfortable to be so young and to be there. It took everything I had in me to stay at the meeting. I love going to AA meetings when I can with my fiance... but the alanon meeting really didn't catch my attention. I've been struggling a lot lately with the whole codependency issues mostly. I hate it, and its making me hate myself and the things that come out of my mouth even surprise me sometimes... I'm going to start going to counseling again to help me get some of this off my chest and hopefully it helps me cope and be a better supporter to my finace instead of just another headache! haha Sorry for the rant!

allforcnm

Wonderful news ... so happy to hear your fiance is doing well. I dont think length of time in rehab is as important as using the time that he had there... learning the tools, and hopefully he did get some counseling/therapy that helped with underlying issues.

And Im so glad he liked the quote book. That was a great idea leaving space where he can continue to add quotes in.

I have never been involved with alanon meetings, but I used counseling for myself and it was really helpful in dealing with all my emotions, and yes sometimes I would "vent" to my therpaist too. She was great. I would stick with what you are comfortable with. You are on top of the emotional issues, and Im sure you will work through them. Dont be so hard on yourself, early recovery causes a lot of emotions on all sides.

Thanks again for the update.

dollydo

Hope it all works out ok for him. Complaining and wanting to leave the program early are IMO all red flags. However, since he is out, it is done, time will tell.

As for meetings, if you are a teen, you can look for Alateen meetings in your area.

joyjoyXcore

I'm 21. So I was looking at al anon... He goes to AA around here because the NA meeting aren't very good. I've witnessed that! But he has a sponsor and he's making new friends from the meetings and all seems well for his sobriety, now to just help myself cope and try not to pick fights considering he's gone most of the time either at a meeting or with all the people from the meetings. Codependency at its finest! Hahaha