Crazed

Just when I think that my XRAGF is taking her recovery seriously.... I get a text this morning saying "Lets get real honest. TheOtherGuy opens the door & does those little things like sends me a text & just says I'm pretty. I want that in a partner."

I am angrily obsessing, and have written about 30 responses but have not sent any...

Things like:
Sorry I don't always open the door for you, or text you that you are pretty. I was too busy holding your hand while you were in rehab. Or dealing with the crying kids because they were scared that mommy was again swerving on the road. Or standing beside you during the lowest points in your life.

Or, "I understand that is what you would like. I would like in a partner someone that does not lie all the time."

Why can she not see that many of my actions (or in this case LACK of actions) are a results of her actions?

I used to do these things as well.... Somewhere along the way I stopped.

suki44883

If she is your ex, why are you still dickering with her throught texts? It sounds like she has moved on and found a new boyfriend. She has actually done you a favor.

Is there a good reason why you keep playing the game?

m1k3

I am going to be brutally honest.

Your lack of actions is not because of her actions, it is a choice you made. They may have been made as reactions or responses to her actions but it was your decision.

The other thing is why are you even reading this texts? It seems to me all they do is upset you.

Your friend,

marie1960

She is baiting you, she obviously is not getting her daily dose of chaos and drama.

Good for you, for not responding.

I really believe if you stop engaging/responding to her nonsense, YOU will feel empowered.

What do you have to lose ? You want to feel better, stop reading her crappy texts/phone calls, do not acknowledge her words. I Think you will be pleasantly surprised at how much better you will feel about YOU.

If nothing changes, nothing changes, and change can only begin with you, friend.

Tuffgirl

Crazed, you got three very different but very powerful and truthful responses so far, so all I will add is as long as you continue to dance, you are responsible for the consequences of that dance. Stop dancing for a while. See what bigger and better things life brings you instead.

ZiggyB

I am sorry.
They will certainly drive you crazy if you allow them.

I got some song and dance about how I wasn't supportive of his friends and his dreams. That pretty much stopped when it seemed like his dreams involved being at the bar all day with his friends. :-P

Do not allow yourself to be manipulated by guilt. I agree with the others that you do not need to be reading these texts, if there is any way you can just block them I would do so.

vegibean

Oh I have not liked being in that position. Try to let it go and don't respond, eventually she'll get the hint. She needs to own her stuff. I would be happy to have had a man stand by me when I was going through hell, not divorce me... OH, AND THEN, for the next three years want me back. Want me when I'm good, but when I'm bad??? Good riddance, HE WAS part of my problem.

My best to you! Hang in there.

Hopeworks

Life is short. You wrote 30 texts? Delete and block features are your friend! You could have been doing something fun or productive! Be grateful you aren't still stuck 24/7 wasting time and energy...

Crazed

Thank you all.

brownhorse

Good for you for not sending the text. Time will help!

sober1ck

I relate. Having a hard time walking away, and then staying away.

Crazed

As sick as it is... I guess part of me is hoping that we can salvage this. When it was good, she was everything I have ever wanted in a partner. And we had an extreme amount of good. I have somehow convinced myself that she is not like other alcoholics. Her drinking was a day or two, spaced by anywhere from a month to several months apart. I always felt like she was so close to "getting it," and embracing sobriety.

I know - DENIAL.

ZiggyB

Crazed,
I think most of us understand. If there were not good and wonderful times, we would not have tried to hold on as long as we did. Sometimes letting go of hope is the most difficult thing.

As for me, there is part of me that still loves the axbf but I cannot be with someone who lies to me or is prone to verbal, angry tirades that frighten me. He was better at times too but when life was stressful for him, things would become awful.

I hope you manage to do something fun this weekend.
-z

lillamy

So, when I'm buying a used car, I'll go look several places. And then I'll get into the hard negotiating. And I'll say to one dealer, "Hey, it's a good price and all, but you know, the other guy, he's throwing in winter tires..."

She is not looking for a partner. She is looking for the best deal she can on a used car. You're not people to her, you're furniture. Stuff. Objects.

Recovering2

Even if you don't respond, you are still giving her control of your emotions by reading her text messages. There is nothing new to learn from them. I would go No Contact with her. Block her from texting, etc. She will likely get fired up about it initially, but will eventually tire of no responses and find someone else to make crazy.

Look forward....not back.

thislonelygirl

Sounds like shes being a b. Plain and simple.
I would not respond . She clearly wants to stir you up.
Dont let it.....itll stir her up if you pay it no mind

dollydo

She is your ex...E X P A N D on that premiss...go no contact..block her from every avenue of access to you.

choublak

I'd be willing to bet money that she has said the same thing about you, to the other guy.

She likes to play.

LoveMeNow

Sounds like she has far more issues then alcohol. JMO

Shadydeal

The best thing you can do is ignore! Hang in there! Funny how no matter what they always find some jusfication or someway that you are the bad guy! Whatever! My brother has always used the saying, It's problem ownership! It's only your problem it you make it your problem!