MLH2282

How many times do I have to burn myself, before I'll stop playing with FIRE? I relapsed ... I don't know what else to say. I am fully aware that this relapse was only made possible by my own actions. That's always the hardest pill to swallow, no pun intended.

I know most people relapse, but I guess I am frustrated and disappointed in myself, as I had made good progress since we split. I hoped the tough stuff was behind me; I thought I had turned a corner in my recovery, but I put myself back into the mix.

I have read enough posts on this board to know what addicts do. I went into this relapse knowingly and of my own accord. I guess that is what frustrates me the most. I am responsible for my choices and actions, I can't mindlessly blame my XABF and have a pity party.

It's pretty clear that he is still in active addiction. (his DOC is Heroin) Because I am informed as to the cycle of a heroin addict, I know exactly where this is going. Around and around and around again! I know that I need to detach with love, but I can feel my own reluctance. I know I need to do what is best for ME, but I honestly didn't think I would end up here again.

I wanted to post because I feel like if I hide behind denial, I might try to find a way to justify/rationalize my relapse. If I post it for the world to see, I can't run from it, or avoid it.

I would appreciate any advice, encouragement or personal experiences.

Aems

Thanks for being here and for sharing your story. (((Hugs)))

crazybabie

I think it is a good thing that you came and posted I believe being honest as best we can is a very important part of our recovery. I know how hard it can be to come here and be that open because I have done it.

Your recovery is showing still from what you posted your not blaming him your taking responsibility for your choice. I feel there are lessons yet to be learned it is a continuing process.

LoveMeNow

I honestly think the best advice I was ever given many years ago was by my beloved mother.

"When you have had enough, you will know it." Until that days comes, everything is still a learning process if we do not play the victim, IMO.

Thank you for sharing your honesty. Sometimes people who live in "glass houses" almost prevent us from posting the truth. But I know the truth, I know the truth will set me free and I am not afraid to share it!! Also, its good practice to remember that "what other people think of me is none of my business."

Kindeyes

Don't beat yourself up. There's no useful purpose in doing that. I believe that God gently (and sometimes not so gently) puts opportunities to learn the lessons we need to learn in front of us until we get it. I have been a particularly slow learner....and that's ok.

gentle hugs
ke

MLH2282

Okay, so my XABF has been on a bender the past couple of days. he alternates between uppers and heroin/opiates. He has a tendency to get lethargic and a bit irrational. He is not violent, but he lashes out. I have no problem protecting myself/my home and calling the cops, but I really don't want it to go there. Should I wait until he has gotten some sleep before telling him he should stay somewhere else?

I am not afraid of confronting situations, however, I like to avoid DRAMA. Anyone have any thoughts/suggestions. I'm not trying to buy time, I would just rather handle things amicably.


I agree that god gives us lessons until we get it. I really thought I had learned, and to be honest, I WANTED to have learned my lesson. It was HELL detaching from him before, and I did not want to do it again. But, apparently I am NOT as quick of a learner as I'd originally thought. LOL!