Defunk

I thought anyone might get a kick out of this, who had read my post from yesterday.

Short story: My boyfriend is an addict, lying, acting ******, blaming, deflecting, the whole nine yards. He recently got xanax from his doctor, "for emergencies", he abused it (for the third time). I kicked him out at 3am, refusing to be anywhere near him if he is high.

I haven't spoken to him in 24 hours, I wake up to a text saying: "So... How long are we going to drag this out?"

I respond: "What is that supposed to mean?"

And then he lays this beauty of a text on me:

"I mean how long are you going to make me feel like ****? I received ten pills for emergencies ... of course I took them all immediately because that's what I do. What else is to be expected? I need to learn from these things"

I don't even know how to respond to this. omgggg.

marie1960

Sometimes NOT RESPONDING is the acceptable answer.

unacceptable is unacceptable....

this is HIS problem, let him deal with it.

m1k3

At least he's being honest.

Not that everyone is clear on that how do you want to respond? I don't mean the text, that can be ignored, I mean your life. Where do you want to go from here?

Your friend,

Defunk

I don't know why the crap that comes out of his mouth still surprises me.

I'm not even mad or upset, just amazed, i guess. Lol.

Defunk

That's the hard part, I have no idea. :/

The one thing I do know for sure, is that I need to focus on myself, and worry about my happiness and my well being.

suki44883

He is an addict just doing what addicts do. Unless he admits he needs help and then gets that help, you can expect more of the same. I think you deserve better.

Defunk

That's where it gets weird, because he has a sponsor, he goes to meetings, he's supposedly working the first step.

So, his argument is that he IS doing everything he needs to be doing.

But how is okay to repeat the exact same mistake more than 2 times. more than 3 times even.

And its frustrating to me, because the last time his doctor prescribed him emergency xanax, and he abused it, he told me he called his doctor and told them to put a note on his file saying "do not prescribe xanax", or anything like that.

I don't even know if you can do that, but he said he did, and here he is with it again. So yet another lie.

Someone in one my previous threads said it doesnt sound like he is in recovery. And i'm starting to believe that. I almost feel like i'm holding him back, he's too worried about me and what i'm doing, and at the same time keeping me distracted so I don't notice hes using. Okay, now my head is spinning.

m1k3

As long as you say it's ok, it is.

First, you can't hold him back, his recovery is his. You have no control over whether drinks or doesn't drink, uses pills or doesn't use pills, runs 5 miles a day or doesn't. Those are HIS choices.

Now, what about your recovery?


Edit: One thing you should know, all addicts lie. They lie to protect their addiction. I know I did. My addiction was my AW. I lied all the time to protect her. Pay attention to his actions not his words.

And to me his actions are speaking in a loud clear voice and it doesn't sound like the voice of recovery to me.

Your friend,

Defunk

I should clarify, I don't think I am holding back, me personally or anything I am directly doing, but I feel like he uses the "girlfriend role" in his life as an excuse, or a distraction. I'm really not sure, only he knows, and he may not even know right now.

I guess my main thing, is I keep expecting to see changes, and nothing has changed. Or progress at least.

This is hard, I think im gonna try to go to a meeting tomorrow.

m1k3

Oh yeah, it's really hard. But I will tell you it is well worth it and it does get easier over time.

As for your expectations just remember expectations are premeditated resentments.

Your friend,

Recovering2

He is not in recovery. He may be abstaining from alcohol, but he is still using with the Xanax. It is addictive.

You can't MAKE him feel like ****, that's just the A blaming you for his behavior. And he is clearly telling you not to expect anything different because "that's what I do". You're not responsible for his actions, he is. But what are you doing for you? I would not respond to that text, or any other text/call for that matter. He's let you know that he's going to continue to use, is that okay with you?