melberholtz

I was doing relatively well until early December when, POOF the ground fell out and I began daily drinking again. Drank right through the holidays. I noticed that I began drinking more than usual. I would normally drink a pint of vodka a day, but upped it to a 750 mL bottle for a bit. I will feel terrible and stop for a day or maybe two, then begin feeling good and go the rounds again. I am just so worn out. I just don't have the energy to pull through for more than a day or so. I also feel like this binge has been more all-encompassing. I have noticed that I am really in denial about my drinking. I have been able to hide it rather well. My partner never questions me or anything. Come to think of it, they may just be co-dependant and playing off that.

Sorry for the rant. I just feel so empty and void of emotion right now. I want to get better but feel like im on a circular loop of death!!

Eliz181144

I am only 10 days into this, myself, so I can't give expert advice. But, you post pretty well summarizes how I felt about wine before I quit.

Have you told your partner about your drinking? Maybe s/he can help get you over the first days until you're able/willing to get to some other support group? If not, my suggestion is to talk to a doctor and follow their plan.

You sound ready to quit and you're here so I am guessing you're far more ready than you know. You can do this.

Aems

Have you considered AA? The support is fabulous. You won't have to do this alone.

drunkyjules

I think the first step is to put down the drink. It is a vicious cycle that will only get you more misery. I know how your feeling because I've been there myself. The feeling that we either can't or actually don't want to stop.....it's horrible. The self hate and depression that alcohol bring, it seems like a problem that only builds on itself.

Put down the drink. Post here. Try AA it is a great support. There are many paths to sobriety but they all start with the individual's sincere desire to want to live a sober life. You have to want it more than anything.

Are you sick of torturing yourself with alcohol? I am. Your not alone in your problem and there is a solution. Hang in there it does get better.

hamabi

Nicely put if you remove "feel like" from the sentence. Other than a general wanting to get better and posting this, are you doing anything to actively seek recovery since wanting isn't working out well?

Threshold

You've come to the right place. Welcome.

You will find your way out of this, you are already on the path. There is a wealth of experience here, and now you are part of it!

First remember this. there is no problem on earth that can't be made worse by drinking.

Don't pick up that first drink. Come here. Use your local resources as well. You can recover. Amazing, but true!

Natom

Hey Melber,

I found that after a period of abstinence my using always got worse. Addiction is progressive and chronic. The only thing we can do about it is keep it arrested and work our recovery as best we can. I go to NA/AA but there are many other recovery methods out there. Many of them are described in these forums.

Natom.

Flyin2BFree

Welcome

I drank theur the holidays too. I blacked out daily. I feel terrible too. But I am responding to you.

We can make it
Todd

melberholtz

Thanks for the kind words and well-wishes. I am just so down on energy and my nerves are so rattled that any tiny thing that happens completely overwhelms me and I go RUNNING for the bottle. The thought of going to AA or a similar group just terrifies me and I run for the bottle.

SoberBella1

Melberholtz, AA terrifies me too but they welcomed me with opened arms at yesterdays meeting. It was amazing the caring I felt. Maybe just give it a try.

Michael66

Hi Melber,
Sounds like you'd really benefit from some support. Why not give AA a try?
Keeping you in prayer.

soberclover

I lost too much energy running for the bottle. I also knew in my heart that if I continued on the path I was on I wouldn't be living much longer. I finally go real with myself and stopped making excuses. There are people every day who stop drinking/drugging. Going to an AA meeting or asking for help on SR isn't going to hurt me...continuing to drink would. In the beginning it is pretty easy...just don't drink no matter what. You can do this!